Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not sure i love him... do you really "just know" when you're in love

45 replies

Whatdoidowhatdoido7 · 23/09/2017 17:08

Ive been with someone over a yr.. we dont live together. Ive never really felt butterflies. I like spending time with him but dont miss him loads when apart. When i think about it he doesnt make me laugh! He can be annoying moaning hes tired (single guy works from home). I have a child and commute full time to work.

Sometimes he just irritates me lol.. i dont always like his sense humour... occasionally takes mick out of me or jokingly says "greedy bitch" if say took 2 sweets... or comments on tv "oooooh yeh" if hot woman comes on.. i then end up pissed off with him for days. We split up then got back together after he promised to "try" ot to make these comments. Hes got better but still slips up! Hes also a little arrogant..admits it and says he likes it!

Hes never really treats me.. a night away or flowers etc. He earns alot but likes everything 50 50. Overall im just not sure hes "the one". But then hes loyal and wants same from life as me. No one is perfect but surely in the beginning i should have felt "head over heels"?. Ive bern on dating sites or just waited patiently to meet the one but years n years ive never met "the one".. i know single us better than with wrong man but i do want more kids. Maybe i just set sights tooo high and need to just get on with someone whos good enough albeit not perfect...

How many of you "settled"? . Im 35... not getting any younger!

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 23/09/2017 17:12

I don't know that I was head over heels but I felt contentment with now DH from very early on. Living together and engaged by 6 months, married at 18 months. I was 29 when we got together, he was 36. Neither of us had kids. So sometimes I think I just thought ok this is ok right now lets go it.
But he didn't annoy me, wasn't arrogant, didn't have to change himself to make me hhappy.

How is he with your Dd?

Sorry but if what you want to have more kids etc I think you need someone else

whirlyswirly · 23/09/2017 17:12

It doesn't sound like you like him much, never mind love him.

Knock it on the head now, you're still young, he sounds a tosser and I'm sure you can do very much better.

darceybussell · 23/09/2017 17:21

I don't think I ever felt totally head over heels, I just gradually grew to love DH, but we were only teenagers when we got together so I guess that's a bit different.

okthen · 23/09/2017 17:25

How he is as a person is how he will be as a dad. Something to think about. Good luck x

bianglala · 24/09/2017 00:00

You are settling, don't. 35 is not old at all to look for a better man.

userxx · 24/09/2017 00:09

The bit that stands out for me is he doesn't make you laugh. I just couldn't be with someone who I couldn't have a good laugh with. I don't think this is the man for you and deep down you know it yourself.

peachgreen · 24/09/2017 00:13

Yes, I knew straight away that DH was the one for me, and he felt the same. Moved in together after 3 weeks of dating, married within 2 years. Blissfully happy and can’t believe I ever settled for anything less. You shouldn’t either. Quite aside from not knowing how you feel, he sounds like a bit of a pillock.

wobblywonderwoman · 24/09/2017 00:14

I am sure we all have things that annoy us but no... I don't think he is the right man for you op. It isn't love.

You know, be happy for the time shared but I'd set my sights a bit higher and someone a bit more worthy of you

The greedy bitch comment says a lot about him. Ughh

Justaboy · 24/09/2017 00:17

I thunk that some people have all the luck in relationships and some just don't.

I wonder how this might pan out if you did live together?, any chace you could try that for a while?.

Cat2014 · 24/09/2017 00:19

Don't settle, I'm 36 and met the love of my life last year and cannot believe i would have settled for anyone less perfect for me though I possibly would have, they are out there

ElmerFudge · 24/09/2017 00:31

I knew straight away with DH. But I didn't experience the butterflies / lust / obsession that I'd had with previous men. It was a totally different feeling. The main thing was that we "got" eachother.
Having kids didn't enter into it for me, being with the right guy was more important. I know friends who settled, and post-children the marriage is rocky...
I did once go out with a fella who I didn't like that much, there was no connection. And he got on my nerves! He was a safe bet but I just couldn't keep it up...
And I did also go out with a few nice guys that I could have married. But I just didn't fancy them. Whatever the "thing" is, it has to be there.
DH isn't perfect, and I thought long before marrying him, but he's "the one" I suppose!

LellyMcKelly · 24/09/2017 03:15

I knew straight away. It was like coming home. I sometimes call him my docking station. Just being with him makes me feel wrapped in love. He makes me feel energised and relaxed, and cared for, and safe. Two and a half years in, and I still get weak kneed. Don't settle.

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 24/09/2017 03:58

Would you really want to spend the rear of your life with someone who doesn't make you laugh?

Hairq · 24/09/2017 06:47

Would you choose him as a friend? It sounds as if you don't even like him, which suggests to me that you're never going to love him. I wouldn't settle.

bianglala · 24/09/2017 09:52

It was like coming home. I sometimes call him my docking station. Just being with him makes me feel wrapped in love. He makes me feel energised and relaxed, and cared for, and safe.

^ This. Absolutely.

TwitterQueen1 · 24/09/2017 09:56

He's not the one for you OP and you're not in love.

Summerswallow · 24/09/2017 09:59

This sounds awful- why would you want to hang out with someone who annoys you, doesn't make you laugh and doesn't give you butterflies/isn't that hot?! I'd really rather be single. Every moment you spend with him, it's time you could be out there finding someone really nice to spend your life with- I'd get shot and get out there very quickly, not leave it to drift on for years and then miss any opportunity to have children (which sounds like your worry). If you don't want children things are less urgent, but I still don't see why you are with a guy you don't actually like very much.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 24/09/2017 14:07

I'd rather be single than be with someone like him and, no, I don't think he's your "Mr Right". He sounds shite. No way would I put up with being called a bitch or be with someone who "would try" not to comment on how sexually attractive he finds other women.

Justaboy · 24/09/2017 14:37

Whatever the "thing" is, it has to be there.

Interesting - can anyone attempt to define this "thing" try to put it into words?.

Especially this I know he and suppose she wars "right".

Was it, is it simply looks or is there something else at work here?.

Crowdo · 24/09/2017 14:41

Lots of people settle, but it doesn't mean you should.

gamerchick · 24/09/2017 14:51

Well I've been with husband for 8 years and still get butterflies when he's due home.

Why would you want to be with a guy who doesn't make you laugh? You're definitely settling OP. Time to free that space for someone who doesn't annoy you maybe.

Justaboy · 24/09/2017 14:55

OK Gamerchick can you explain why this is at all?.

PollytheDoily · 24/09/2017 15:01

LTB

Dappledsunlight · 24/09/2017 16:30

He's not right for you. It's clear from everything you say. Don't settle. Find someone who rings all your bells!!

PollytheDoily · 24/09/2017 17:52

I've been with my DH over 3 years and oh.my.god. Look at him and I melt. Honeymoon period the first year? Nope. It keeps getting stronger. I miss him when he's at work, we text each other during the day, and just LOVE being together. Never bored with each other, can't get enough of him. He's bloody gorgeous in every way.

I'm 45 and we are like teenagers, so what's your excuse at your age Wink