Not sure i love him... do you really "just know" when you're in love

[Whatdoidowhatdoido7]

Ive been with someone over a yr.. we dont live together. Ive never really felt butterflies. I like spending time with him but dont miss him loads when apart. When i think about it he doesnt make me laugh! He can be annoying moaning hes tired (single guy works from home). I have a child and commute full time to work.

Sometimes he just irritates me lol.. i dont always like his sense humour... occasionally takes mick out of me or jokingly says "greedy bitch" if say took 2 sweets... or comments on tv "oooooh yeh" if hot woman comes on.. i then end up pissed off with him for days. We split up then got back together after he promised to "try" ot to make these comments. Hes got better but still slips up! Hes also a little arrogant..admits it and says he likes it!

Hes never really treats me.. a night away or flowers etc. He earns alot but likes everything 50 50. Overall im just not sure hes "the one". But then hes loyal and wants same from life as me. No one is perfect but surely in the beginning i should have felt "head over heels"?. Ive bern on dating sites or just waited patiently to meet the one but years n years ive never met "the one".. i know single us better than with wrong man but i do want more kids. Maybe i just set sights tooo high and need to just get on with someone whos good enough albeit not perfect...

How many of you "settled"? . Im 35... not getting any younger!

I have been married 37 years and am still very much in love. Of course at times DH irritates me but we can never stay annoyed with each other - we just look at each other and start laughing.

He makes me laugh probably every day. I love his sense of humour. He sometimes works away for a couple of days and I miss him and get excited about him coming home.

We text or talk most days when he is at work. He is my best friend as well as my lover and husband

You can like someone in different ways. I've been head over heels before but knowing full well that it was a load of nonsense that would never turn into anything real. And now I'm with someone who's sexy but not making the whole world light up in Technicolour - but I appreciate him as a real good'un who's aware of his imperfections, is a load of fun and has a big heart. Like someone else says, sounds like you don't actually like anything much about this guy. You don't have to be pining after him every time he's away, but I think at the very least you need to be thinking fondly of him every now and then...

Thanks everyone..ahh pollydolly..how lovely!! Where did u find him? Ive tried match in past.. hardwork.com

Agree with pp that it grows over time.

These irritations are early doors.

And I'd be searching for the exit door

I had a relationship with someone who didn't share my sense of humour, he was lovely otherwise but the fact that we never made each other laugh was a huge issue. The fact that there are so many other things about him you don't like means you really shouldn't waste any more time with him. He sounds like a complete idiot anyway! If you really want to settle (and I don't recommend it), at least do it with someone you like and respect, not with an arrogant arsehole.

To me the two big things would be that you don´t share a sense of humour, and that he can do things that piss you off for days. Those are two things that seem smallish now, but twenty years down the line, they will be unbearable.

It doesn´t sound like he is the man for you.

LellyMcKelly.... you described how I feel exactly.

Don't settle OP.

OK Gamerchick can you explain why this is at all?

I wish I could. He makes me laugh, he pays attention if I’m aggravated about teamwork and visa versa. We acknowledge if life gets in the way and one of us starts to take the other for granted and then schedule in some bonding time. We’re tuned in to each other. He doesn’t see housework as ‘helping me’ despite his long hours at work and I rarely need to ask him to do anything. I have 3 part time jobs but he sees them just as important as his full time one. I’m very attentive to his needs, all of them.

I could go on. It just works.

Will that do?

Please don't settle for this ...a loving relationship is SO much more than what you have . I've been with DH for 19 years, we spend pretty much all our time together running a business & a weekend hobby with our kids , he makes me laugh like no one else, we have amazing sex which gets better & better and he is my best friend . Dump your BF and move on ....someone who fits you is worth waiting for

Interesting thread. I'm seeing some reassuring posts and some scary ones! Pollythedoily it sounds like you have the fairytale. I can't imagine a marriage quite like that. But DH is the best dad, loves me unconditionally, constantly flexes around my passion and the time it takes up, supports everything I do and basically runs our house. Whilst I would struggle to confidently say I'm in love I am content.

You need a man who can make you laugh. My DH really makes me laugh without even knowing it.

Perhaps you just aren't compatible.

i dont always like his sense humour... occasionally takes mick out of me or jokingly says "greedy bitch" if say took 2 sweets... or comments on tv "oooooh yeh" if hot woman comes on

He isn't the one. I'm not sure if every one gets butterflies, and plenty of really bad relationships come out of a very exciting / butterflyfish beginning, BUT he sounds like an ass. He doesn't make you laugh, but he likes to laugh AT you. He puts you down. He makes comments about women on TV. Everything is split 50 / 50, so has he ever given you a gift? He sounds like a booty call, not a boy friend.

I'm sorry. There are decent men out there, even in their 30s and 40s.

Yes coyote i think you are right. He will give me a gift for xmas or my birthday. I was slightly disappointed valentines day as he didnt but he gave me a card and we went for dinner altho it was the holiday inn!.. with kids in the restaurant tho! He could have chosen a nicer restauanrt a few miles awsy but he said he chose holiday inn as close so we could walk and both have a drink.

Hes said before when i once mentionned hes a little stingey with money ( gave me a memory stick to save our hol sbaps but charged me for it!.. i was annoyed and he said "id rather give you my time than money"...

*snaps! Not sbaps!! Lol

"I'd rather give you my time than money"

But it doesn't have to be either/or, does it?

Move on, Sammy. He's not good enough for you.

And you're a "greedy bitch" for wanting 2 sweets? He really doesn't think you deserve any thing. There are solid reasons why you don't have butterflies. I doubt any woman would.

I don't really believe in being in love, it doesn't exist for me. I think settling is fine. But even I think this guy sucks! He charged you for a usb stick! Get rid!

Yes, you do. I always knew with DP.

Do you really need to ask?! Sounds like you barely like the man, let alone anything close to love.

I haven't just settled, but I did things a bit differently. Met exdp at 26, felt ready to settle, had children because I felt he would be ideal, supportive, good father etc. I wasn't in love but I loved him.

Got to 40, kids older, turned life upside down. Met dp who I absolutely adore. He's gorgeous, he loves me, makes me feel fantastic. We are very close, never argue, miss each other within hours of being apart. We sleep tangled up together and he's the only person I've ever allowed to hold me when I've cried. It's not without its problems, he drinks too much, but he is addressing this now. Never believed or wanted to marry, both of us the same. He asked me to marry him, and I've said yes.

Im the happiest I have ever been. You deserve to be happy too, but whether you settle for "just ok" or expect more doesn't just depend on who you meet, but where you are in life, how you feel about yourself, and the degree to which your life is full and fulfilling in other ways.