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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Too soon to ask questions? Internet dating

63 replies

toffeeapple123 · 23/09/2017 11:41

I'm 31 and a 30 year old guy has asked me out. He's younger than what I am looking for and he says 'let's see what happens' as what he's looking for on his profile. Mine says 'Long term relationship' or 'Marriage.'

Is it too soon to ask him what he means by 'let's see what happens'? I don't want to waste my time! Also, he says he's a student. Again, not sure that's what I am looking for, but he ticks many other boxes.
(Edited by MNHQ)

OP posts:

Original poster

toffeeapple123 · 02/10/2017 19:12

Because I was so attracted to him in a way that I haven't felt in years and years and years. He was poorly/unwell on our date, so I thought I'd give him another go. He didn't ask me out though and hasn't shown much interest.

I was over my ex a long time ago, so feel I am ready to date and I have been doing so - I've just reacted badly to this one!

Shouldn't guys be more interested/engaging/complimentary after a first date? Or maybe he feels the same as me - first date sucked, but why not try a second?

OP posts:

Aminuts23 · 02/10/2017 19:14

Toffee I agree with others. You didn’t click with this man but you’re seeing him again at your request. It doesn’t sound to me as if you’re ready for dating. Take your time and get used to being on your own and happy. I was 18 months after ltr before I was ready to date again. I’m just out of another relationship of almost a year and I intend to give myself a good few months to recover before I date again. It’s fine to be happy and single. You don’t need to settle for this. I mean this kindly

userxx · 02/10/2017 19:47

I'm with tangled on this - why the hell are pushing for something which is just going to cause you misery?? Please don't set yourself up for a fall.

TangledSlinky · 02/10/2017 20:16

It's really quite simple. If a guy is interested he'll be interesting/engaging/complimentary after the first date. You won't have to chase him or worry about sending the first text.

Original poster

toffeeapple123 · 02/10/2017 20:33

TangledSlinky I know! He's not been any of these!

OP posts:

TangledSlinky · 02/10/2017 21:09

I honestly think you'd be best off marking this one down to experience and getting back out there if you really are set on dating right now.

I've been where you are and it's rubbish, but in hindsight none of those guys that I wasted time getting worked up over were worth the angst. It didn't mean there was anything wrong with me, or them for that matter, we just weren't right for each other.

I knew from the moment I met DP that he was different. Not because I felt earth shattering butterflies or anything, but because everything just flowed so naturally and never once in all the years we've been together have I ever found myself worrying about when he'll text or how he felt. Suddenly it put all those bad dates and "nice but not quite right" guys into perspective.

Original poster

toffeeapple123 · 02/10/2017 21:16

TangledSlinky It's been a while since I've had a bad date like this and it's been over 10 years since I chased after a guy like this. Maybe I should call off the date? It's making me too anxious. And poor guy - I don't blame him, he's probably just going along with the flow!

OP posts:

Niamhisnotarealname · 02/10/2017 21:17

yes on sunday at 2pm

Original poster

toffeeapple123 · 02/10/2017 21:18

He did say he was really looking forward to the place we are going. it's somewhere I have suggested, so it's not like he's showing no interest whatsoever - just not the usual excitement/compliments I usually get.

OP posts:

RedForFilth · 02/10/2017 22:05

Do you both not deserve more than this half arsed attempt you're offering each other??

SuperBeagle · 02/10/2017 22:12

You don't sound keen on him at all, so I'm not sure why you're pushing it.

And saying that you won't message a man again, and that men do the chasing, but then messaging him and asking him out again?

I think you need to take a step back from dating for a while and sort your thoughts and priorities out.

Original poster

toffeeapple123 · 09/10/2017 12:37

Wow the chemistry is like nothing I've encountered before. Typical though, eh? He's stunning beautiful, tall, stylish etc. But at 31 with no job, no relationship to his name.... Most likely a player...sigh.

OP posts:

oscareyeballs · 09/10/2017 15:25

At the risk of giving this guy an excuse for behaving like he does, maybe he's autistic?

Not talkative, no enthusiasm, not on facebook - (maybe he doesn't socialise and has no need for it?) - these all sound like hallmark traits.

You suggest mental/emotional problems, perhaps that might the link?

Trying being more direct with him, ask him specific questions if you're going to pursue it.

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