Am I over reacting?

[Dontknowwhattothini]

My bf of 3 yrs has announced that when he goes on half term holiday with his dds their mum will be going too. Apparently I should trust him. It's just too make his daughters happy. I am overacting by not liking it?

I'd gave a problem with this uf they didn't normally go on holiday together and/or do things together with their children. Some people have friendships post divorce and can manage that sort of thing platonically. However, if it's JUST because she's now single anc sad, nope, no way.

Sorry for typos!

Never been weird, but I couldn't think of anything worse than sleeping with my ex 😷

We don't play happy families or anything like that, we just get a chance to have a holiday and share the parenting.

We are just friends, that's it. And we want our child to see we can do things together as her parents even though we aren't together.

We are taking her to Florida next year no chance I'm doing a long haul flight on my own with her!

How old are the children? I'd still probably go until one of us doesn't want to.

They are preteens, separated/divorced 6 years or so. She married the man she cheated with. He's now left her. It's been a horrible situation and I feel for the girls so much, they are so worried about her.

Do you get on well with her? It's a tough one. You have been together 3 years so it's not like it's a matter of months which it was in my case when I was seeing someone and took her away with my ex.

Could you go with your children, or is this not an option?

TBH I do believe there is nothing from his side. But no I don't trust her. I just think it's giving the wrong impression and open to misinterpretation by her.

It's hundreds of miles, I would only be able to go for a couple of days plus tbh I don't think I could afford it. Plus I've not been invited do I just invite myself?

Yes I guess if you've not been invited then it's a bit of a kick in the teeth. I'd like to think any new partner of mine would come along too with their children, and I'm sure my ex would be happy with this too, same as if he had a partner with children, but I know people would think this is fairly odd.

I guess my ex and I are in the minority here. Most people wouldn't holiday with their ex. And I understand why you feel the way you do.

It's weird.

She's been dumped. Her dds are worried about her. A lovely holiday with her dcs will help her. She doesn't need your do around. What for?

It's really inappropriate. Deeply inappropriate. I would have to say so and then act according to your dp's response. He will most likely get really cross about your dissatisfaction. That's the wrong response. That means he has to be binned too.

I don't feel any happier about it this morning.

I think it's really inappropriate that her pre-teens are worried about her.

If I were their father, I'd be taking them on holiday without her, so they could get a break from having their mother's emotional shit dumped on them.

It's not a bad thing for children to see emotion. "I'm having a little cry because stepdad and I have decided we don't love each other, and though it's a good thing to split it still makes me a little sad", with a "ooooooh, poor mummy" response to needing a holiday because they're actually worried.

It is not the business of pre-teens to worry about parents.

Weird. What would the sleeping arrangements be?

And if he's worried about his his kids are feeling, he should be thinking about the head fuck that it could be to them about this joint holiday.

They're still young.
You don't live with their dad, so you're just a girlfriend.
Stepdad isn't around so why not get back together?

If a bunch of adults are about whether this means a rekindling, imagine how a couple of relationship-ignorant kids are going to interpret it.

I think kids are perfectly able to cope with parents coparenting but not meaning there's a chance of getting back together. But in these circumstances - recently dumped and wanting mum to be happy - I think kids could be confused.

It's been 6 years. If there is genuinely no interest in getting back together, they'd be happy for you to be there.

I'm interested that you both have kids yet you weren't involved in the holiday to start with. I've got a fiancé with kids. We have holidayed separately - to have 1:1 time, or we've had different time off. But generally, we holiday together. So I'm interested in what's going on there.

Also that you can't afford to join him on holiday. There are lots of views on finances and I appreciate that you're not living together. But you say that's planned and only circumstance stops you. My fiancé and I live apart. Holidays are jointly financially planned, and it would never happen that one could afford it the other not. Our way is not the only way, but it's just one more thing that makes me think - hmmmm, is this an issue or not?

I would find it odd because

It hasnt happened before
Its been prompted by by her split
She is dealing with the split so badly her child is worried about her
Their dd is being used an excuse to justify it

My Dh goes away with his ex and the kids sometimes. But I know her well and the kids know they are never getting back together. It just works out easier for some things, sometimes I go too.

Just had a long conversation about this. Long and the short of it is that he did not even think of me when doing this. Didn't think should I talk to her about it before he booked it, I was not even part of his thoughts at all. So that tells me where I am doesn't it. Certainly not partner as I thought. I'm not going to dump him. I do genuinely believe and accept the reasons for doing this however I now know my place and shall adjust myself accordingly. Shame but that's the way it is. I now know where I stand. Just wish I had understood this before as it certainly is different from what I was lead to believe.

Why aren't you going to dump him? Do you mind me asking? If going on holiday with his ex-wife without one thought for you isn't a deal breaker then what is?

He doesn't consider you at all. Didn't think once about his girlfriend when deciding to go on holiday with his ex. Do you think that this relationship is magically going to get better?

And I completely agree with Ellisandra above. Horribly inappropriate for young children to be "really worried" about their mum.

Your post is really sad.
Why are you willing to adjust your expectation - instead of going for what you actually want in a relationship?

Are you on glue?

I'm glad you know where you stand now.

The problem you have is that all the time you are invested in a relationship where you aren't even on his radar, you won't get the chance to connect with someone who will see you as their equal to love, cherish and put first. It'd be such a shame to waste your life on something that isn't good enough.

So you have accepted your relationship is on the sidelines of his continuing relationship his ex??
Mug. .

Honestly. Just tell him you're done.