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Original poster

Is it rape if you're married?

70 replies

WhyDidItHappen · 22/09/2017 14:56

NC'd for this.

If you say "I don't really want to do that" and he carries on, is it really rape?

If he shouts and bangs when you refuse to have sex, but doesn't actually hit you, what's that?

I need a stern AnyFucker talking to.

Divorced from this man now. But minimising in my head.

It wasn't as bad as some have had it

OP posts:
Original poster
WhyDidItHappen · 26/09/2017 18:12

Argh. I'm totally freaking out.
I rang 101 to find out when I reported assault (but not rape)- I reported it a couple of years ago so there was documentation.

They are sending a unit out to me this evening to take a statement as they have to follow protocol and take these reports very seriously.

I'm glad they are coming, I've gone back through my diaries for dates etc but I'm terrified and the waiting is killing me.

What happens after that? Is it just logged on a computer somewhere?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 26/09/2017 18:42

I don't know what happens. Hopeful bump for someone who does. Good luck for tonight OP.

Goldmandra · 26/09/2017 19:02

Your local police force will have a unit that specialises in this sort of case. Their officers have training in how to support you.

You can ask for one of those officers to take your statement. They should also give you a named person to support you and explain all the processes to you.

strongasmeringue · 26/09/2017 19:41

I can't promise this is 100% what will happen with you but I can tell you my experience. I'll PM you. cold feet about putting it here

Original poster
WhyDidItHappen · 26/09/2017 20:56

They haven't turned up Sad

OP posts:
strongasmeringue · 26/09/2017 21:06

Did they give you a time? Something pressing might have happened. It's brutal but your stuff will wait, something else happening right now might be an emergency.

Original poster
WhyDidItHappen · 26/09/2017 21:14

They said after four and they would let me know when they are on their way. I'm just assuming an emergency has come up.

OP posts:
dragonwarrior · 26/09/2017 21:15

Have you seen the tea video? Put it this way, if the way you acted or what you said was about a cup of tea and you wouldn’t end up drinking the tea.... it’s rape

Ttbb · 26/09/2017 21:18

Yes. Definitely. What a rapist bastard. Good on you for leaving him.

strongasmeringue · 27/09/2017 07:47

How are you feeling this morning, Why?

Original poster
WhyDidItHappen · 27/09/2017 10:18

@strongasmeringue
I'm not too bad this morning. Spoke to the local office and they have booked me an appointment to fit around the DC. They are coming to me and allowing two hours for the visit.

Feeling pretty calm at the moment and distracting myself by keeping busy.

I had a wobble about whether it's worth reporting, but even if they just have a record in case he does it again, then that has to be a good thing.

Thanks for your PM meringue x

OP posts:
strongasmeringue · 27/09/2017 16:36

I'm glad you've got a time. I hope it goes well and helps you. It IS worth reporting and you've done really well. Take care.

hellsbellsmelons · 27/09/2017 16:43

That's exactly it.
Always best to report for your own piece of mind.
And maybe any future 'victims' of his.
Well done - I hope it all goes OK.

strongasmeringue · 28/09/2017 15:22

I hope you've had your meeeting now and it went as well as it could.

Original poster
WhyDidItHappen · 30/09/2017 07:01

Hi Meringe,
I had the meeting yesterday. The police officer was lovely and really gentle with the questions.

The sexual offences team have been in touch and they are going to sort out an appointment for me to come in for a proper statement which will be recorded and used in court (if it goes that far).

My mind is racing but I feel a bit relieved. I'm anxious about what will happen next but at least the wheels are in motion.

OP posts:
strongasmeringue · 30/09/2017 07:34

You sound very positive and strong which is lovely to see. You've done the hard bit. I've done a video statement and it was a farce as the comms weren't working so the policeman would ask a question to another policeman in another room, into the air, and they'd have to send a note to reply as the comms didn't work both ways. I found it frustrating but I guess it lightened the mood a bit. It was winter so I had a scarf and that helped as it was something to hold and also hide behind when I needed too. If and when it does come to court you'll be able to watch your video statement again which could be helpful. Take care.

picklemepopcorn · 30/09/2017 07:48

Well done.

When someone who should love and protect and cherish you behaves in such a disgusting way, the abuse of trust makes it even worse. You were not safe in your own home, the place you should have felt secure.

It is just as serious as a stranger attack in an alley.

Original poster
WhyDidItHappen · 30/09/2017 14:57

Thank you for your support ladies Flowers

It's really encouraged me to report it.

I'm going to NC again but will be back to update as things progress.

OP posts:
strongasmeringue · 30/09/2017 17:41

Take care Why Flowers.

PoorYorick · 30/09/2017 17:45

I'm late to this one and I'm glad you're in good hands.

Just to reiterate, it doesn't matter if you're married, have a harem of gigolos and fucked the entire Olympian swim team. If you say no and he carries on, it's rape.

Our culture likes to downplay it with the "did 12 men hear her scream from six villages away" crap, but that's the reality of rape.

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