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Original poster

am i in the wrong?

42 replies

chacha3 · 05/04/2007 12:40

bf normally has a lift into work with mate for me to have car, but yesterday his mate was sent home from work with chest pains so bf phoned me to give him a lift home! for one i am a nervous driver and only ever drives local and two i havent got a clue how to get there! am hopless with directions! so asked my stepdad to pick him up! when bf got home he was in a right mood, and completley ignored me for the rest of the evening! went to work this morning without saying anything! and he will be just the same when he comes home he is a very stubborn male and i know him he wont give in! i would have picked him up if i really really had to but my step dad said ther wouldnt be a problem him picking bf up! help!!!!!

OP posts:
NOTCADBURYCremeSquonk · 05/04/2007 12:42

Does bf hate and detest your stepdad? Are there other issues that we don't know about? If not, he is being totally unreasonable. He got home didn't he?

hunkermunker · 05/04/2007 12:43

Hasn't he a bus pass?

MellowMa · 05/04/2007 12:43

Message withdrawn

NOTCADBURYCremeSquonk · 05/04/2007 12:47

Just had a thought - could he be worried about his mate - chest pains are quite a worrying symptom. Maybe he's not actually in a mood with you at all, he's just brooding......

BecauseImWoeufIt · 05/04/2007 18:19

Not sure you're in the wrong, but I think I would be very irritated that someone with the car who can drive is too much of a wuss to come and pick me up, and that other family members have to be inconvenienced.

Sorry if too honest, but I hate it when women go all pathetic about driving.

Original poster
chacha3 · 05/04/2007 18:24

no thats fine ive asked for opinions and advice! yeah i knw i feel pathetic myself sometimes because i wont drive far but so nervous of other drivers as well! no bf and step dad get on great more like best friends! he could be worried about his mate but to be honest nothing usually phases him!

OP posts:
lou33 · 05/04/2007 18:28

i can see he might be a bit peeved as you have the car but wont use it to go get him, BUT he did get a lift home so he is kind of overeacting

Freckle · 05/04/2007 18:30

Get him to buy you a satnav so you don't have to worry about directions in future. Then all you have to concentrate on is other drivers.

I do think he's being childish and ridiculous. After all, he and your step-dad get on, he got home and no one has died. Tell him to get over it.

Fubsychicksnbunnies · 05/04/2007 19:32

Chacha I would have been the same once, I used to hate using the car, especially if I didnt know where I was going.

Dont think your in the wrong - I can understand your BF being a bit put out, but think its childish for him to blank you like that!

Original poster
chacha3 · 06/04/2007 10:53

well he is still ignoring me!!!!! have tried speaking to him him but no nothing! he even went to bed early which he dont normally do! i asked him how his friend was but no reply! i give up! im refusing to do his washin and ironing now! sod him!

OP posts:
compo · 06/04/2007 11:05

he is behaving really childishly to still be bothered about it the next day Have you been together long?

Original poster
chacha3 · 06/04/2007 11:11

yes ten years and we have 3 girls together! just bought a four bedroom house!!!

OP posts:
Ifonlyhewould · 06/04/2007 11:11

No you are not in the wrong. You are a grown woman who has the freedom to decide what to do and what not to do. You are allowed to say 'no' without feeling guilty choose who is doing the asking!
He is being utterly childish and using silence as a form of control. It's called stonewalling.

Don't rise to it, don't let him see it's bothering you. Don't pander to him. Just keep out of his way until he decides to act like a grownup.

Ive suffered many years of this kind of behaviour so believe me, i have experience

Original poster
chacha3 · 06/04/2007 11:14

he is so stubborn tho he argued with my mum when i was having my first child didnt speak to her for months! the only reason he started speaking to her was because i threatened to leave him because he said he didnt want my mother seeing my daughter! well i wasnt havin that!

OP posts:
ShinyHappyPeopleEatingEggs · 06/04/2007 11:17

BecauseImWoeufIt are you unable to imagine what is like to be a nervous driver? Just because you aren't one, this doesn't make us all like you!

I have been driving 11 years. I drive because I HAVE to.. because it would impractical for me not to and I drive EVERY day. But I hate it. Maybe hate is too strong a word.. but I certainly don't like driving.. and I certainly DO hate driving anywhere unfamiliar and motorways (with a venegence!) and if I can get out of it, by virtually any means, I will!

I am a perfectly competent and intelligent person in all other respects, don't see myself as a "wuss" at all. But as far as the OP, I completely empathise!

Judge not less ye be judged! I expect chacha is very competent in other areas, perhaps in some that you would be flummoxed by!

Original poster
chacha3 · 06/04/2007 11:19

thankyou shinyhappy!! like i said if i had to i would have!!!

OP posts:
Ifonlyhewould · 06/04/2007 11:20

So typical. If you can it's best just to ignore him, just try and rise above it. If he see's his actions are getting to you he will be getting some sort of perverse pleasure from it.
Put on some loud music and strat singing, dancing and laughing with the kids, show him you could'nt care less. Go out for the day. Anything just to take his control/power away. If you are not aroud him he has no one to ignore.
Its a grown up version of a toddlers tantrum. Bloody men!

Ifonlyhewould · 06/04/2007 11:22

I'm a member of that club too. I don't do motorways or places i don't know unless ive been given a practice run first. In all other areas of life i'm competent it's no big deal is it? We still get where we need to be. I don't do reverse parking either, haven't done that since i passed my test!

Original poster
chacha3 · 06/04/2007 11:23

yeah thats what im gonna do a bit later gonna finish my housework then im gonna take the kids to tyhe park!!

OP posts:
Original poster
chacha3 · 06/04/2007 11:24

i dont like the really big roundabouts! and where he works is a very busy estate!! there are loads! because its like a enteprise park with lots of shops!

OP posts:
Ifonlyhewould · 06/04/2007 11:35

I always find big roundabouts are handled best if you lose your eyes and hold your breath

If i felt uncomfortable driving anywhere there is no way i would do it so you are not on your own in that one.
I once refused to drive to pick up my (D)P, my dd was only a few weeks old so my confidence was not at its best anyway. He was dropping a van off at a colleagues house and didn't ask me to pick him, he ordered me to. That got up my nose anyway so i refused. He set off at 5.30pm and didn't get home unil 1am!! he had walked 13 miles home!!! Just to prove a point to me!! When he got home we had a nig row and he blamed me, said it was my fault for not picking him up. Don't know why he didnt ask his colleague to run him home or why he didn't get a bus! The idiot, he didn't speak to me for 2 whole weeks after that.

Don't let him treat you like this. Make a stand. Does he show any other signs of controlling behaviour or does he usually treat you well and with respect?

Ifonlyhewould · 06/04/2007 11:35

That should say 'close' your eyes by the way

ShinyHappyPeopleEatingEggs · 06/04/2007 11:40

Thing I have noticed about roundabouts it that so many drivers don't do what they are supposed to do! THAT's what make them scary! You need a crystal nall to know where people are going because so many of them neglect to indicate! And that makes me realise that although I don't like driving.. and am a nervous one.. I am not a crap one!

Ifonlyhewould · 06/04/2007 11:52

I agree. No one seems to indicate anymore, so you have to sit and wait reading the cars body language before you know where it's going!

Original poster
chacha3 · 06/04/2007 11:58

well hes a fab father and a good partner ninty per cent of the time! cant really grumble! but when he goes into a mood he goes into one big time he is 35 but acts like he is five!

OP posts: