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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

am i in the wrong?

42 replies

chacha3 · 05/04/2007 12:40

bf normally has a lift into work with mate for me to have car, but yesterday his mate was sent home from work with chest pains so bf phoned me to give him a lift home! for one i am a nervous driver and only ever drives local and two i havent got a clue how to get there! am hopless with directions! so asked my stepdad to pick him up! when bf got home he was in a right mood, and completley ignored me for the rest of the evening! went to work this morning without saying anything! and he will be just the same when he comes home he is a very stubborn male and i know him he wont give in! i would have picked him up if i really really had to but my step dad said ther wouldnt be a problem him picking bf up! help!!!!!

OP posts:
Ifonlyhewould · 06/04/2007 12:08

Sounds like your average man then

Original poster
chacha3 · 06/04/2007 14:16

can ou believe he has just asked me to apologise to him then he will start speaking to me again!

OP posts:
Ifonlyhewould · 06/04/2007 14:26

"yes darling, i'm sorry. I'm sorry that you don't have the ability to understand that your behaviour is causing me to have serious doubts as to whether or not i can continue with this marriage. You obviously have more love for yourself than you do for me"

Tell him to put THAT in his pipe and smole it!!

Ifonlyhewould · 06/04/2007 14:26

I mean 'smoke' it

monkeytrousers · 06/04/2007 14:29

That sounds like something a woman would object to. "I asked you to pick me up and you sent somebidy else; that means you don't love me" kind of thing.

Maybe he just needs some extra attention

howdoo · 06/04/2007 17:08

I don't want to be unsympathetic, but I think if I asked my partner to drive and pick me up from work and he wouldn't do it and asked my mother to do it instead, I would be irritated with him because 1. I'd think he was a bit pathetic to be too nervous to come and pick me up and 2. I'd be embarrassed that he had involved a member of my family who might also now think he was a bit pathetic.
On the other hand, sulking about it and refusing to speak to you for days is completely over the top!
Sorry if too blunt

Ifonlyhewould · 06/04/2007 17:12

Awhh, thats a bit harsh. I don't think a rational fear is pathetic. And i think taking the initiative and making alternative arrangements for him is completely acceptable. At least she didn't leave him stranded. I DO think not speaking to her for days is pathetic and not in the least understanding of her nervousness.

lazyemma · 06/04/2007 17:40

The main thing, surely, is that he got his lift home from work with no hassle to anyone involved. He's being a dick.

sunnysideup · 06/04/2007 18:15

I see why you didn't want to go, feeling as you do about driving. But I also see the frustration of him knowing that you have the car and could have got him, but didn't. i'm a confident driver and it is REALLY hard to accept that picking someone up from work can be impossible..it's difficult to imagine. I'm NOt saying anything against you here, just trying to explain how it feels to him.

I think yes, he needs to grow up in the way he deals with you but i honestly think it must have been annoying for him. I also worry that someone feels so nervous and unsure driving...why don't you pursue some further driving lessons, just for confidence. Advanced driving lessons can be good fun I'm told and will increase your confidence hugely.

It's a shame to have the ability to drive, and have a car, and NOT be able to make the most of it!

ShinyHappyPeopleEatingEggs · 06/04/2007 21:23

Personally I just think it's a shame not to be able to rationalise that everyone has a dislike of something, and for some of us, that's driving. But most of us do it daily whether we want to or not.. if I didn't.. and my kids missed out/we had to juggle public transport/constantly rely on everyone else to drive me places, whilst I had possession of a driving license, that would be pathetic!

I'm pretty proud of myself actually in that I don't enjoy driving at all.. and yet I get everyone where they need to go, multiple times a day (and sometimes night!) and occasionally force myself to do the odd-unfamilar journey. And I sure aint going to torture myself if I manage to palm one of those of onto someone else who was willing and kind enough to want to save me the stress!

Original poster
chacha3 · 08/04/2007 08:46

well he is speaking to me after a long discussion about our problem!!! explained to him once again that ill drive but very nervous about places i dont know!! he said that he refuses to drive anymore! told him he couldnt make me do something that i didnt wanna do! as i dont make him take my dorta dancing with a bunch of other women, or make him do ironing! he dont like doing any of these things! i told him i would share responsibility of driving but only drive to places that i am comfortable with and he can do the rest! told him he is a confident person wheras im not simple as that!!!

OP posts:
BecauseImWoeufIt · 09/04/2007 16:08

Sorry have been away otherwise would have replied sooner.

I can understand how things make people nervous - I'm not so lacking in empathy. And there are many things that make me nervous. But it's about trying to overcome them that's important.

If you're nervous as a driver, drive more. Develop your local knowledge and your confidence. The more you do anything the more relaxed you will become about it.

I was just trying to express how I would feel if I was the bf - if I hadn't taken the car, so that my OH could have it then I would be cross that OH wouldn't come and pick me up. And, personally, the excuse about being a nervous driver would really have irritated me, so I would have been cross.

Agree, too, that if you're hopeless with directions then you should try a sat nav - or if it's too expensive, then get a good local map/A-Z and learn the routes.

Anyway, hope you've sorted out the argument!

Blondilocks · 09/04/2007 16:27

I'm sorry but in my opinion avoiding driving just makes ones worries about it worse and not better.

He is overreacting as he did get home, but I can see why he might be peeved if he always lets you have the car & then when he asks for a lift you don't do it yourself. If you really don't like driving why doesn't he have the car?

Blondilocks · 09/04/2007 16:30

Also if you didn't know where it is why didn't you ask your stepdad if you could go along too so that you found out how to get there?

Original poster
chacha3 · 09/04/2007 18:18

thanks to everyone taking all your advice on board! goin to take a journey tommorrow which has three mini roundabouts! im not gonna get nervous about it im determined!

OP posts:
Blondilocks · 10/04/2007 20:54

Good luck It does get better with practise - I used to HATE roundabouts ... but now work in Swindon.....!

sunnysideup · 10/04/2007 21:35

chacha i really really think you need some further driving lessons to improve your confidence - if mini roundabouts are an issue for you.

Go for it, i know they cost but I think it would be an investment for life.

Lack of confidence and hesitancy are not a safe combination with tons of car and busy roads.

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