EX said it's my fault DS was born disabled :,(

[whyamIdoingthisagain]

I'm literally chocking up !

Ex and I had a huge argument over the phone. But to give a back story, we had DS very young.. I was 16 he was 17. EX dp was very abusive. I assume he would change because his young and has time to grow... he hasn't and he is now 25 years old.

Ex has had sporadic contact with DS, doesn't support him financially, emotionally. We had a huge argument because we last heard contact from him in April and previously before we didn't hear from him from November to March. He, obviously, hasn't seen DS between those dates.

I was angry with him because I was getting on with my life and so was DS and now his making contact again, popping up like a genie, I told him that " it's not fair on DS and I !"... he replied he didn't make contact with us because " I was being stupid with my dumb comments and he was working...". He then was pressuring me to come to his to have sex and of course I said " No fucking way". He then got agitated and angry and some comments later he said " You forced me to be a dad to DS when I wasn't ready. His disabled ( DS has Autism) because he wasn't ready to be in this world and because of the age I had him...so it's my fault and I should burn with my decision...burn". I was shocked and replied "burn... DS should burn" then he said "No, it's not even about DS...". I just hanged up and blocked him.

I'm so upset. Does DS have autism because of the age I had him? is it my fault ? DS is doing so much better, his cheeky and so lovely (though can be a handful).. I pay additional private therapy lessons to help DS even more and he goes to a specialist school (which I had to go to court for) and has thrived there. Am I not doing enough ? Did I cause my DS to have Autism. How can the ex blame me, he kept pressuring me to have sex with him when we were younger (like his currently doing). I wasn't ready but he kept on pounding it into my head for 8 months :(((. I'm just so upset.

No. It is absolutely not your fault, and what a tool he is to suggest otherwise.

What a bastard

Def not your fault. My exh told my dc my ds had club feet because I was evil. I cheated.
Dc were too scared to look at ds as he would be deformed they said. . He gave his own dc bloody nightmares just to get at me ffs.
They are exes for a very good reason.

Nope. Your ex is a toxic cunt.

Stop all contact with your ex and keep doing what you're doing. Your DS is lucky to have a caring mum like you.

Have you had any therapy to deal with your doubts, feeling of guilt and confidence or lack thereof? Your ex is a bellend and in your shoes I wouldn't even speak to him. Don't take his comments personally either as he's just trying to hurt you the best he can.

Quite the opposite, I think there's a (tenuous )link to older parents particularly fathers and autism.

But that's not really the point. He's despicable and you did nothing wrong. You're doing a great job from the sound of it and please don't sleep with him. You can do so much better.

Your Ex is talking a load of rubbish. Please take no notice of him.

in a word.
No.
Your ex is an arse.
There are genetic links with Autism, but thats not the whole story, and as far as I am aware I have never heard about it being anything to do with the age of the mother.
both my kids have it, I had one at 34, one at 40, so right down the other end of the having kids scale.
People have been having children at 16 for generations, they havent all had kids with autism
if your ex had taken half a moment to be bothered to look into it, he would know this
he is just lashing out because he couldnt make you do what he wanted, he is a nasty fucker. And trying to pressurise you into sex is coercion -

you are doing tons, tons more than many do, and he is having help and a good school because of you.

tell your ex to fuck off

You said he was abusive.
Sorry, but he still is.
There is no association between being young and your child having autism. Except perhaps in your ex's head.
Do you have real life support? From a domestic abuse organisation or from the NAS? Power to change course is highly recommended (Google or other posters can provide more details than I can).

It's not your fault.
Autism is not caused by having a baby at 16 or 17.

He is cruel.
You need to find a way of not interacting with him. Maybe emails about contact. So you can block him on your phone.

You did not cause this.
Google 'grey rock' : how to respond , or rather not respond , to someone who's horrible to you.
You deserve so much better than being talked to like this.

What an absolute bastard. Do not speak to him or let your lovely ds have contact with him ever again. You are doing brilliantly and your ds is thriving.

Your ex is an unintelligent dick and is a miserable excuse for a father and quite frankly your ds is better off without him in his life.

I am a mother of a 17 year old autistic young man and have heard many comments on why he's autistic these comments usually come from people who should read up on the subject before opening their mouths.

I can tell you that your sons autism is not because of anything you have done, in fact I think you sound absolutely wonderful how your caring for him and champion his corner your doing a brilliant job!! I would say tell your ex to either read up on the subject or fuck off.

I was mid 30s when I had DD. She has autism. Can your ex explain that? You need have nothing more to do with him.

You say you were 16 & he was 17 when you had DS. He pressured you to have sex? How old were you when he forced you to have sex and got pregnant? He's damn lucky you're not taking him to court for rape.

You could also contact the CMS for financial support, but I suspect you'd be better off just fading away so that he can never find you again.

I can't understand why you're even giving this space in your head. You know how awful he is, how thoughtless and immature. Just keep all contact to the bare minimum and let his stupid comments wash over you. You sound like a great mum.

He is an arse and talking complete utter bollocks. Keep doing well for your DS.

He can go fuck himself

OP he's talking total rubbish, maybe to try to control you. Ignore him, he's ignorant, stupid and frankly a total cock. You sound like a fantastic mum and you're DC is so fortunate to have a mum like you.

Your ex is a fucking cunt and a peice of shit.

NO, it is not your fault your child has autism. Getting him extra therapy and getting him in a specialized school shows you are doing everything you can to help him.

My son has autism, I had him at 23.

Your ex can rot in hell, if I was you just cut contact, he's doesn't want a relationship with his child, his past actions have clearly shown that. Block him and don't bother unblocking him ever.

The fact he's blamed you for your sons disability has made me so mad.

OP just to say that you sound like a brilliant mum doing the best you can for your son

According to NHS online there is a mild link between maternal age and autism - older mothers are slightly more likely to have a child with autism.

www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/mothers-age-affects-autism-risk/#conclusion

So having a baby at 16 makes you less likely to have a child with autism. Not more.

What a bastard

Not just a bastard, a stupid bastard to boot. Boot him.

Why are you even engaging in conversation with him? You owe him nothing!
If he wants access he can go to court - if he wants sec he can use a prostitute.

Anything else he needs to ask his mother

You can't argue with stupid

Obviously that's bullshit and he's a twat op. If I were you I'd stop talking to him all together. If he wants to see your son he will if not it's for the better tbh, I'd rather grow up with no father than know my father resents me.
Also why isn't he supporting his son financially ? Go to CMS!
Remember the most important thing is your son, he deserves the money from his father and he deserves to have parents that don't make him feel like a burden