EX said it's my fault DS was born disabled :,(

[whyamIdoingthisagain]

I'm literally chocking up !

Ex and I had a huge argument over the phone. But to give a back story, we had DS very young.. I was 16 he was 17. EX dp was very abusive. I assume he would change because his young and has time to grow... he hasn't and he is now 25 years old.

Ex has had sporadic contact with DS, doesn't support him financially, emotionally. We had a huge argument because we last heard contact from him in April and previously before we didn't hear from him from November to March. He, obviously, hasn't seen DS between those dates.

I was angry with him because I was getting on with my life and so was DS and now his making contact again, popping up like a genie, I told him that " it's not fair on DS and I !"... he replied he didn't make contact with us because " I was being stupid with my dumb comments and he was working...". He then was pressuring me to come to his to have sex and of course I said " No fucking way". He then got agitated and angry and some comments later he said " You forced me to be a dad to DS when I wasn't ready. His disabled ( DS has Autism) because he wasn't ready to be in this world and because of the age I had him...so it's my fault and I should burn with my decision...burn". I was shocked and replied "burn... DS should burn" then he said "No, it's not even about DS...". I just hanged up and blocked him.

I'm so upset. Does DS have autism because of the age I had him? is it my fault ? DS is doing so much better, his cheeky and so lovely (though can be a handful).. I pay additional private therapy lessons to help DS even more and he goes to a specialist school (which I had to go to court for) and has thrived there. Am I not doing enough ? Did I cause my DS to have Autism. How can the ex blame me, he kept pressuring me to have sex with him when we were younger (like his currently doing). I wasn't ready but he kept on pounding it into my head for 8 months :(((. I'm just so upset.

I'm deliberately replying before reading the thread. Her is a cunt. That's all you need to know.

Of course it's in no way your fault. Try to NC with your toxic, childish DP.
You're doing a great job.

Read your op. Opinion the same.

He (not her, stupid autocorrect) is still a cunt. Massive one. Keep him out of your life and away from your child.

English not being my first language prevents me from saying in English what comes to my mind regarding your Ex.

Make sure he stays away from and your child.

Your age has absolutely nothing to do with autism ( I was 40, my Dsis was 25, so was my DGM), its genetic and in runs in families.

Of course not my darling.
You're a lovely Mummy, just chose the wrong partner, that's all.
He's an uneducated twonk, don't give him the time of day.

Oh lovely he went as low as he could to try and hurt you and the wanker succeeded
You told him no so he went for the throat, fuck him and the horse he rode in on

You sound fab, your child's autism is no fault of yours 💐

Thank you all !

He also said he was glad to not have another child with me because another one will turn out disabled .

My problem with him is that he had no contact with DS for 5 months and prior to that, no contact for another 5 months. He feels he could pop in and out like a genie and think things can go back to where they were.

Don't let him see your son again, he's an awful person, and not a father in any sense.

Haven't read beyond OP
Your ex is abusive
He is still abusive
You are not to blame for your DC autism

Your abusive ex uses emotional manipulation to push your buttons to exert his frustration that he can't control you so he goes for a low blow to hurt you.
Its him all him a controlling abusive man.

You are doing great you are doing everything you can to support your ds.
You are providing 100% of everything for your ds.
Block exes contact phone email etc get a new email that ex can use to arrange contact and see if anyone else can filter these to give you the relevant time n date for next contact. Of course try and get ex to stick to a regular contact schedule with a third party handover even.

My ex did same and said same. It hurt a lot but it doesn't anymore because my DC has disabilities and I've been the one doing 100% of the therapies etc me I'm the one dealing with it instead of being a useless twat ignoring needs of DC to lay blame instead.

@whyamIdoingthisagain please please claim child maintenance for your son. Your ex is abusive and I imagine that's why you don't want to claim so he doesn't get mad etc but your son deserves it and so do you. Don't let him control you, claim child maintenance and block him
You child also deserves a happy mum !

Do not engage with him anymore. If he wants to see DS he will have to go to court and get a court order. Which he probably wont. Just in case he does - Please write down as much as you can remember about this phone conversation. Please write down the dates he has seen ds and any contact. Write down as much as you can remember about all contact.