New partner delayed ejaculation

[Realitysucks]

So not sure where to start! I have a new partner, been seeing each other for two months now. We are both 39. He is a really nice guy and we see each other around 3-4 times a week. We started to sleep together after about a month. The first time he didn't ejaculate 😱 As you can imagine the build up after a month was intense so I was left confused! He just said it wasn't me and he has had the problem all his life. Well next time all is good and he does but it takes some time. Sadly my father then Passed away and obviously this has been difficult for me especially in a new relationship. He has been really supportive, I am a really strong person, so it's not like I've been crying all the time, just trying to get on with stuff.

However, we have now slept together around 10 time and he has only ever ejaculate once on the second time. He has now told me that he is on a low dose of citalopram an antidepressant and has been on them for around 6 years. On one hand he says it's to do with the medication and on the other he says he has always had this problem. He does manage it when he masturbates every time on his own. He admits to watching porn not so much now but before. I have tried suggesting he doesn't do either when we dont see each other. He seems not that bothered by it and says that he is just used to it. On Friday he had been away for the week and had abstained from everything. We tried for nearly an hour with no luck until I had just had enough. I tried to talk about it last night but he just seems to get defensive. I have tried to ask what I can do and all he says is go on top but we have tried that and it still didn't work. He just brushes it off saying it will happen and will be fine but I'm not convinced.

I really do like him and he seems to like me but I am worried about it. It kind of feels like the emotional connection can't be built if sex is always left half finished. I enjoy that part of sex and knowing that you have satisfied your man, can a relationship like this really work though? When I tried to talk about it he just said you want me to go and see someone dont you. That's not what I mean but if it helps me to understand then maybe he should. I Explained this and said only if he wants to. He says all of his friends are the same, which I find strange given that whilst I have not had 100s of guys I have never come across this problem before. Yes sure when your partner has been drinking or maybe stressed sometimes it doesn't happen but this seems to be more than that. Has anyone experienced the same thing?

P.S. The turkey baster image was a major factor in my decision to end it. I couldn't see myself ever getting pregnant by natural means, and I found that incredibly depressing.

Yes drug side effects are also part of the problem I get a bit of ED as i take a blood pressure controller but there are pills can offset that so as said OP best to talk to the doc to see if there is something else that might have the required effect and permit the err, desired effect;)

Still as i said earlier he's a lucky bloke to have an understanding woman with him:-)

Bless you!

OP stick with him. If he's willing to talk thugs through and seek help then it means he thinks you are worth it. You know men folk they just don't talk about these things willingly but for you he will..

Thanks guys as I said in OP my father has recently passed away so probably feeling more needy than usual. I really really do like the guy so hoping we can get through the next few weeks!

So it’s been a while since I’ve posted here. Thanks for everyone’s comments I thought I would update this. A year on and we are still going strong! After a few visits to GP turns out the issues got better after a cholesterol test and some stains! Citroplam got lowered to 10mg and now we are TTC !

My first thought here OP were ; do you come from sex/intercourse every time then? I definitely don't. I also think it's appallingly stressful when men obsess over my orgasm or lack of in bed because they want to be the one to make it happen or their ego can't accept that actually a lot of women cannot orgasm through intercourse alone. It's a right turn off when you know they think that way and only exacerbates the issue for me (as well as usually puts me off them entirely)
I've actually been in the position you've been in to some extent, and had a new-ish partner on citalopram. He went from having a pretty high sex drive to virtually nothing and also struggled to get erect as easily. Luckily he came off it down the line as it seemed to not be helping him and it slowly returned to normal. If he's on citalopram presumably he suffers with depression and anxiety to some extent so this could just as easily be an issue. I'm sure he feels horrible about it though, it really affected my DP's confidence at the time.

I don't massively see why the paranoia of the fact he can orgasm alone when he masturbates is necessary; he's under no pressure then, and is doing it exactly the way he likes so it's hardly a surprise, nor needs to be cause for offense.

To raise another point, making orgasm the end goal of sex isn't very helpful really, or imaginative, making it feel good inbetween should be, and theres plent of scope fpr that even if he isng coming every time. The emotional aspect can be secured by intimate touching, breathing, eye contact and talking. All far more meaningful that a 20 second physical response to some rhythmical movement I would have thought. It's really not all lost at all!

Great update OP, and good luck ttc!

Another 'vote' for death grip playing a huge part in this.

Excellent!

Oh this is a lovely thread and thanks for updating op!

Presumably you mean Statins rather than stains?

Glad it's working out.

Have his prostate checked. It could be enlarged.

Ha ha yes ciderhouserules I meant statins lol! All is really good now and we have had no issues at all. For everyone who keeps saying deathgrip it had ansoloty nothing to do with it and never did. Like I said, he had high cholesterol and it wasn’t obvious considering he is only 11stone and within a week of the statins there was a massive improvement. Also I think since we moved in together 6 months ago it has made a massive difference to his aniexty. He ejaculates every time now.

Onebrokentoe - thankyou, we are starting ivf in jan. having been through all the tests turns out he has supersperm 🤣🤣🤣 however, my AMH is only 4. Life can be cruel sometimes. We just wish we had met sooner 🙄 Having been through a lot together since the start we would love our own little family so fingers crossed we are successful

My DH has a similar issue after his ex kicked him there and he needed on op.
He could ejaculate by masturbation but found it difficult through inter course.
We got through it by lots of foreplay and just did different things with him finishing himself off.

We managed to conceive by using clear blue fertility monitor and just doing the deed on my two highest fertile days. He would masturbate to get himself to the point where he was about to ejaculate and then enter at the last moment. It was a bit clinical but it worked for us and we have 2 children.
Weirdly since having children, he seems to be able to finish off more often through inter course!