Husbands snoring is driving me mad

[Bitsandbobsalot]

I've being with my dh for over 7 years. In this time I've not had one good nights sleep. I've had 3 kids who never sleep deprived me like this. I feel absolutely exhausted, I can't function properly. I get head aches, acne,arm/leg aches from sleeping on the sofa the bags under my eyes are terrible they make me look haggard. Its effect our sex life as I'm too tried. It's really effecting me.
He's being to the sleep clinic and basically he snores because he's over weight. He's never tried to lose weigh or get more exercise. We've bought anti snore stuff and he won't use it unless I lay there telling him for a couple of hours to shut up.
Last night after a hour and a half I lost my temper big time and said some awful things to him which were completely out of line and I feel terrible about it today. BUT he basically told me I was tired and it's my fault because I'd tried to nap in the day. I'd had two hours sleep the night before,got up for work at 4am back by 9am sorted washing, housework,took dogs out. ( he doesn't have to do any household chores) Tried to nap the loud neighbour had music on so I couldn't so probably had about 30 minutes. The kids came home from school I sorted them out before going back to work on a late shift. TBH this practically a normal sleep routine for me now unless I do manage to get a couple of hours in in the afternoon. What upsets me the most is he doesn't seem to care or get why it's upsetting me. We had arranged to be child free tonight for the first time this year but because I exploded at 2am this morning and basically told him everything that he doesn't/does do that is getting to me he's probably not going to talk to me for a week as that will be my punishment.
I don't think I can cope much longer wtf can I do to improve this ?
Please don't suggest ear plugs because I have tinnitus and eczema so I can't use them or a pillow I doubt I'd get much sleep in prison either.
How can I make him understand that his snoring is making me ill. I'm starting to think he actually doesn't give a rats ass about it/me. Or I'm
Just being a big baby and need to apologise and suck it up ?

Snoring is a serious problem, I'd make amends for outburst then I'd seriously look at separate rooms. It's no way to live

You could try separate rooms or a few exercises suggested today in DM. I am going to read them to my father-in-law as well.
Earplugs don't help with snoring.

I'm not sure what to suggest but I have so much sympathy for you. My partner snores and it's horrible. He thinks I'm the one with the problem.

I'd be tempted to stop doing his washing and making his food. But I'm not sure this is actually a helpful solution, sorry

Why don't you make him sleep in another room? I am sure you have a lounge.

I wish we could have separate rooms but we just don't have the space
I feel so sad today, it's hard to believe that I'll probably never be able to lie next to my husband in our bed and just sleep. It feels like just a basic thing in a marriage.

He is being a complete twat. He has been told losing weight will help yet refuses to do anything as it isn't him that is affected by it.
Why can't he sleep on couch for a while.

Sleep deprivation is torture.

He won't sleep on the sofa why I don't actually know. It's probably only happened twice

I don't suppose he's snoring at will, is he? He doesn't choose to snore in order to annoy you, probably. In fact I don't think that's possible, to snore at will if asleep. From my understanding there are only three options that can be taken separately or combined (apart from earplugs): separate rooms where you have two beds: one where it is now, and another one in the guest room (henceforth your room), option two: husband looses weight (and stops snoring), option three: husband sees his GP and is remitted to having an operation at the hospital (to stop the snoring). Snoring makes breathing worse so it's an health issue connected to it, not only for you, but for him as well.

You should be thinking he doesn't care about you because I think that's exactly right. If he lost weight his snoring would almost definitely improve, but nope, he won't do that. He doesn't seem bothered by your desperate state at all. I don't know how you're not bat shit crazy from lack of sleep by now. Kick him out of the bedroom for starters, and then think long and hard about whether or not you want to share your life with a man who just doesn't give a fuck.

Crossposting. If you don't have a spare room, maybe an extra bed or sofa bed can be produced?

Lots of couples have separate rooms. It isn't a bad thing if the rest of your marriage is fine.
Could you change couch for a proper, decent sofa bed?

I never thought about a sofa bed !! I'll blame that on sleep deprivation 😂

TBH I'm glad that someone else as said he's being a twat about it because in real life I'm being made bad out to be a right pain in the arse complaining about a issue he "can't help"

Get a sofa bed. You can't carry on like this. I can't get my DH to lose weight too, although when he was thinner he did still snore.

You might want to consider trying a White Noise Machine.

The noise machines can help, but personally I prefer separate sleeping. DH and I have had separate rooms ever since our DCs left home (about 15 years ago). I honestly don't know if we would still be together if we couldn't sleep separately.

It's such a big problem. DH also snores and needs to lose weight. He's trying but half heartedly as he does have a lot of other stuff on his plate.

On nights that we sleep together he has agreed he will not fall asleep before me. That kind of works assuming I don't wake up in the night. But many nights now one of us goes into the spare room. It's sad but sleep is more important.

We have this issue, but it's me who snores. We got a sofa bed from Ikea and take turns to sleep on it (at his insistence I hasten to add!) we got this ones
www.ikea.com/gb/en/products/sofas-armchairs/sofa-beds-chair-beds/friheten-corner-sofa-bed-with-storage-skiftebo-dark-grey-spr-09133543/

My ds has already moved out but my dds are 12 and 16 so it's definitely a few years till a spare room will be available.
I do want a new sofa so I'm definitely going to look at sofa beds asap as that's probably the best solution. Though I will admit that I'd love to just lie in bed with my (not so dear)h and just sleep. I think you guys are right about that.
@80smum I'll look into the white noise machines, I had a quick look at the link but it sound like it might help

His attitude of indifference and denial is very immature.

Snoring that serious will almost certainly turn into sleep apnoea, which, left untreated, could give him diabetes or kill him with a heart attack or stroke.

Is he happy with that?

Go to town or nearest big supermarket and buy air bed, foot pump, duvet, pillow, pure cotton bed linen and mattress protector. Do it now, and then for around 100 quid you will get a fantastic night's sleep in the living room starting tonight

Separate rooms here too. Hubby went to sleep clinic under much duress but turned out not sleep apnoea. Though did have trial cpap machine and said wouldn't wear it anyway so his own fault. He needs to lose weight but does have thyroid problem to be fair. We had to turn utility room (converted garage) into spare room. We are at least still married and he is still alive! Sofa bed sounds like a good idea but even then getting up in the night still means you being disturbed.

I'm in exactly the same situation- married 7 years none of the kids have made me this tired.

I've dealt with it by making it his problem. Dh snores because he's an overweight smoker (albeit a lovely one) neither of those two things are my doing so I won't suffer the consequences. Therefore every time he snores I wake him up and he goes to sleep elsewhere. I've also had the thought process that if he really loved me he'd do something about it, but I've also struggled to lose weight & I don't really know what cigarette addiction is like, so it's not a thread I really want to pull at.

Anyway you have my sympathy and if you ever accidentally smother him or kick him to death in the night, I'll give you an alibi.

My dh is doing the exercises as we speak.
He's a little bit overweight ( 12-7 and 5 feet 8) but not massively so.
Here's the link
www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-4889158/Snoring-stopped-five-minutes-day-exercises.html

Mine snores as well, and he's a nose snorer rather than a mouth snorer so things like losing weight and drinking water to keep his throat lubricated don't work cause it's his nasal passage that's the problem. Used to kick him into the spare room but there's a child in there now! What did work for us was making the room less stuffy at night. Window is always open, even just a crack, to get some fresh air in. Discovered that when I was constantly too hot during pregnancy. And he uses nose strips. Ten quid for sixty off Amazon. Works wonders for opening up his nose.

Why won't your DH use any remedies? Mine is an overweight snorer too - and it can make me murderous - but he does try to mitigate it with nasal spray and nose strips, and is very apologetic at least. The weight loss is a totally different kettle of fish, though.

Going to sleep first is pretty crucial too, I find. As well as gently pushing them viciously jabbing them when it's truly awful.