Husbands snoring is driving me mad

[Bitsandbobsalot]

I've being with my dh for over 7 years. In this time I've not had one good nights sleep. I've had 3 kids who never sleep deprived me like this. I feel absolutely exhausted, I can't function properly. I get head aches, acne,arm/leg aches from sleeping on the sofa the bags under my eyes are terrible they make me look haggard. Its effect our sex life as I'm too tried. It's really effecting me.
He's being to the sleep clinic and basically he snores because he's over weight. He's never tried to lose weigh or get more exercise. We've bought anti snore stuff and he won't use it unless I lay there telling him for a couple of hours to shut up.
Last night after a hour and a half I lost my temper big time and said some awful things to him which were completely out of line and I feel terrible about it today. BUT he basically told me I was tired and it's my fault because I'd tried to nap in the day. I'd had two hours sleep the night before,got up for work at 4am back by 9am sorted washing, housework,took dogs out. ( he doesn't have to do any household chores) Tried to nap the loud neighbour had music on so I couldn't so probably had about 30 minutes. The kids came home from school I sorted them out before going back to work on a late shift. TBH this practically a normal sleep routine for me now unless I do manage to get a couple of hours in in the afternoon. What upsets me the most is he doesn't seem to care or get why it's upsetting me. We had arranged to be child free tonight for the first time this year but because I exploded at 2am this morning and basically told him everything that he doesn't/does do that is getting to me he's probably not going to talk to me for a week as that will be my punishment.
I don't think I can cope much longer wtf can I do to improve this ?
Please don't suggest ear plugs because I have tinnitus and eczema so I can't use them or a pillow I doubt I'd get much sleep in prison either.
How can I make him understand that his snoring is making me ill. I'm starting to think he actually doesn't give a rats ass about it/me. Or I'm
Just being a big baby and need to apologise and suck it up ?

@aquamarine

You should be thinking he doesn't care about you because I think that's exactly right. If he lost weight his snoring would almost definitely improve, but nope, he won't do that. He doesn't seem bothered by your desperate state at all. I don't know how you're not bat shit crazy from lack of sleep by now. Kick him out of the bedroom for starters, and then think long and hard about whether or not you want to share your life with a man who just doesn't give a fuck.

This ^

He sounds like a selfish twat of the highest order. People say he cannot HELP snoring, but he CAN. He can lose weight. I know about ten different people whose snoring virtually stopped when they lost 2-4 stone.

I know at LEAST half a dozen couples who have separate bedrooms; one couple is in the mid 50's and has not slept in the same bedroom for 20 years. They are the Strongest, most loving couple I know, who are soulmates. Not sharing a bed - or a room - means fuckall. They still have sex.

She said it does cost them more on holidays as they have to book separate rooms, but it's a small price to pay to get good sleep. And she absolutely LOVES having her own little bedroom and her own space, where she can go to of a night-time and have a read, or watch netflix for an hour before she goes to bed.

Sleeping in separate bedrooms is one of the last taboos, but the fact is, that many people do it, and their relationships are much better for it. I think sleeping in the same bed harks back to a time when there was no central heating and people slept together for warmth. I know some people like sleeping next to their partner, but many people like it better sleeping separately.

As someone said earlier on the thread; sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture, and is not pleasant.

You have to tell your hubby that he HAS to lose weight, and try to stop the snoring, or you don't know how much longer you will be with him. As has been said, sleep apnoea (which he sounds like he has - or will have soon!) can be very dangerous.

Op, I think it should be your DH sleeping on a sofa bed or air bed if you buy one, not you.

Dh snores and eventually went to the GP who did a referral to ENT consultant.

Had a camera down and told it was a narrow airway and did a questionnaire and was told it wasn't scoring right to get NHS help due to sleep apnea but was given a 3 point plan.

1. try snorban. There are cheaper on the internet. This must be tried for at least 4 weeks as it isn't comfortable do the temptation is not to stick it out so it becaomes normal.

2. if that doesn't work, hire a CPAP machine for a week. You'll know if that's the answer within the week. That being the case you can ask the NHS to fund one or self fund it.

3. surgery.

Dh spend too long trying various snorban type things then gave up and we slept apart for another 18 months before I lost my shit and told him I'm too young to accept this indefinitely and that o don't feel close to him.

Had a private consultation and told the same as the NHS guy said but suggested a privately funded sleep study.

Anything over 30 incidences of interrupted breathing is sleep apnea, dh was 96 bug it wasn't obvious to me so I didn't realise.

Dh was given a CPAP to try and GP was informed and told it should be funded by NHS.

dh now doesn't snore thanks to the CPAP and his personality has changed too but he sleeps far less because he's actually getting good sleep.

Most importantly, he's not at higher risk of stroke and heart attack because he's sleeping properly and his brain gets decent oxygen.

We have this and I find ear plugs do work but they have to be inserted correctly. I was doing them wrong for a long time and when I found out how to do them, it was a revelation and I sleep right through.

I buy Macks from Amazon and they are great. I have tried some others and nothing works as well for me. there is definitely a technique to them.

Sleep is so crucial, I'm amazed you have put up with it so long OP.

I couldn't put up with it for 1 night. Seriously.

If your DS has moved, you could have his room, no? Your DDs could share if necessary.

What your husband does or doesn't do about it is a whole other topic.

Put yourself first (for a change?)

I have been with my snoring husband over 30 years.during that time we have tried literally every remedy, snore strip etc available . A nudge used to work to get him to turn over, which became a kick over the years. I have slept in spare rooms, on sofas, have booked separate hotel rooms. I became obsessed with sleep, or lack of . He was diagnosed with sleep apnoea eventually, now has a CPAP machine, which helps a bit - it is now however like sleeping with Darth Vader , but is an improvement. I also have tinnitus, but can honestly say that what has saved me has been having custom earplugs from Specsavers made for me . I thought they were expensive at the time , but have completely saved me , I can now fall asleep pretty easily. I have had them for at least 7 years now I think , maybe more . They are enough to dull the noise . I now sleep in my own bed, I was so desperate, I dread to think where I would have been without them , I was so sleep deprived. Hope this helps.

Sorry if you've said you tried this already, I'm sleep deprived with a newborn but my boyfriends snoring was a massive problem in our relationship. We tried heaps of stuff, and then we found a ring online that claimed to stop it and it did. It's amazing. Something to do with pressure points. Worth a try anyway x

i'm the snorer in our house and overweight. i try and try to loose weight but find it hard to stick with it and dp is a bad influence.

However - i bought a kit of amazon and it has done the trick dp is over the moon.

It is nasal vents and a mouthpiece that kind of suctions your tongue out of your mouth. It's a bit weird but you soon get used to it. Our compromise is that i wear it work nights but not weekends.

I saw the dm article and im going to give it a go.

Definitely get a nice comfortable sofa bed

My partner and I sleep separately. We live together but we disturb each other by fidgeting (me) and snoring (him). It's no reflection on how intimate our relationship is though

Define try to fund a sleep study if the NHS won't as the snoring might be down to something more sinister.