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Original poster

Advice please - sisters controlling ex threatening to move back in tonight

37 replies

smartiecake · 15/09/2017 19:21

Advice needed please.
My lovely Sis split with her ex Partner over 3 years ago. Joint house and joint mortgage. He moved out. She is still in the house and has been solely responsible for mortgage, bills, upkeep of house in this time. Her ex has been hassling her to sell on and off. She has now decided to move out and they sell the house so she can get away from his control - he comes and goes as he pleases and takes the piss in so many ways. She has told him she wants to sell. He has now said only if he gets more equity than her or else he is moving in - tonight.

She is very worried he will and he is a complete tosser so we knew he would be difficult. They have one child together.
She has already seen a solicitor - she can't change the locks or keep him out as he owns half the house. They are also entitled to 50% each of equity unless she takes him to court to pursue more because of the child.
I have told her to call the police and get it logged so that if he does turn up later - which I fully expect he will- she can call and hopefully get someone out and some support. It is all about the control with him.
What else can she do to keep him out and stop him moving in. Any ideas?
Seriously worried about her

OP posts:
Offred · 15/09/2017 20:00

An occupation order and a non molestation order. She can call NCDV to get these sorted out - www.ncdv.org.uk

And yes, reporting him to the police as you have advised.

Original poster
smartiecake · 15/09/2017 20:08

Great thanks I will look those up now. He has never been violent it's all mind games and emotional control with him - tosser.

OP posts:
ItsAllAboutThePace · 15/09/2017 20:15

Maybe she could 'lose' her keys and need to get the locks changed, but then she's so stressed out she goes and 'forgets' to get him some copies cut

Original poster
smartiecake · 15/09/2017 20:26

He would soon be doing the same back that's the problem. He refuses to agree access over their child. He just wants to pop in, do fuck all and then leave. He wants to continue controlling my sister and is trying to bully her to get his own way.

OP posts:
Original poster
smartiecake · 15/09/2017 21:45

He is there. He won't leave. Police been called but not arrived yet.

OP posts:
MrMessy · 15/09/2017 21:54

Are you able to stay with her? I really don't think she should be alone. Are the police on their way?

Original poster
smartiecake · 15/09/2017 22:11

Our dad is there and has gone over. I am over an hour away. Worried. Police not arrived yet

OP posts:
ItsAllAboutThePace · 15/09/2017 22:23

It's Friday night, police could be some time if he's not being violent

Offred · 15/09/2017 22:25

Hopefully your dad will help.

She should talk to the police about coercive control.

Original poster
smartiecake · 15/09/2017 22:35

Thank you i will pass that on. She just wants to sell now and have as little to do with him.as possible. He will put every barrier up that he can.

OP posts:
Offred · 15/09/2017 22:47

I believe that the fact he has moved out and not paid the mortgage for 3 years means he has given up his right of occupation (though still has legal ownership). I'm not sure how the police will approach it though as they may say it is a civil matter.

Offred · 15/09/2017 22:48

She should also make sure that she gets legal advice re the split of equity on sale as she's been paying the mortgage for 3 years. If she also has main care of their child she should be entitled to more than half.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 15/09/2017 23:02

Having been in a similar situation in the past, with ex moving out then back in, I was advised I couldn't change the locks as he was co-owner. Wish I'd done it anyway and let him sue me (it's a civil matter, not a criminal one) and in the meantime I could have got an occupation order to keep him out.

Original poster
smartiecake · 15/09/2017 23:05

She did see a solicitor about that - they said she would have to go through court to get more than half and by the time she has paid for that she wont be any better off. Maybe she should see a SHL

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 15/09/2017 23:37

She has no choice OP.. she must take this to Court .. the Court will decide access and he must abide by the court decisions.. she cannot endure this anymore... Flowers

focusonthegreengrass · 15/09/2017 23:40

Instead of changing locks how about enhancing security by way of chains and bolts on inside (which could be put on if leaving) and adding one additional Chubb lock to the main front door.

Cupoteap · 16/09/2017 05:58

Hope everything is ok - please get her to sell asap

PollytheDoily · 16/09/2017 06:33

What happened? Hope she's ok

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 16/09/2017 06:39

She should also make sure that she gets legal advice re the split of equity on sale as she's been paying the mortgage for 3 years. If she also has main care of their child she should be entitled to more than half.

Not that simple if they weren't married. It will depend what's in the deeds.

Original poster
smartiecake · 16/09/2017 11:31

Thanks all. He turned up and slept on the sofa and is still there. He is not threatening her just saying he will live there until she agrees to his demands. Wanker. Dad was there until early hours and is going again today. I want to go over but worry i wont be calm and will give him a mouthful and make things worse for her. She rang the police 3 times but they didnt come out. She has gone to the police station this morning and will call a solicitor monday but WTF until then? He is such a fucking control freak

OP posts:
Cupoteap · 16/09/2017 20:35

There is nothing they can do - I was in a similar position. Unless he is actually threatening her they won't do anything, and tbh even then it's hard. Just get the house sold urgently.

I moved out, he still made things difficult but I was safe.

Manclife · 16/09/2017 20:41

Nothing illegal about her changing the locks when he leaves. If he's not kicking off though the police won't even turn out if they're busy.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 16/09/2017 21:16

Nothing illegal about her changing the locks when he leaves.

Yes there is if she doesn't provide him with a key.

butterfly56 · 17/09/2017 00:30

I would put the house on the market straight away because she will never get rid of him any other way!
He's back to make her life a misery and he's escalating the emotional abuse and coercive control.
She needs to get as far away from him as possible.

Original poster
smartiecake · 17/09/2017 00:31

She does really want to sell but he will only agree if he gets a huge portion of the equity and she gets virtually nothing. He wont agree to a 50/50 split

OP posts: