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Original poster

Online dating!!

29 replies

Kokeshi80 · 13/09/2017 22:15

Ok so, almost a year ago, I started chatting to a guy on an online dating site, he was on there as he was undercover to catch out his best mates wife, We caught each other's eye and got chatting and there was a spark, he was honest and open from the start mentioned he is not looking for anything from here as he hasn't time as busy studying and only on there to help his best mate out.
We got chatting some more and had a lot in common. He then messaged and said that his work was done he found his friends wife and he is coming off the dating site and could he have my number to carry on chatting. So I gladly gave it.
So cut a long story short, we have been chatting to each other every other day or week, for the last 10mths. He has recently said he said he really likes me and trusts me and feels comfortable that we can be so open with each other, he has in the past couple of weeks shown his flirty side after months of us chatting and getting to know each other, he is a very busy guy and has lots of studying and courses to complete so he can meet his goals for his life job, which he has told me about, but over the last couple of weeks we have just got a bit naughty via messaging and phone calls.
Now my question is, based on past experiences with these shitty dating sites, I have learnt guys are only after one thing, but this dude feels different, it's been a long time coming to our flirty moments, am I wasting my time in pursuing anything from this or shall I just ride with it and see what happens?

OP posts:
scoobydoo1971 · 13/09/2017 22:43

You seem to like each other. Why don't you offer to meet him...not a date as such, just a coffee and chat to take the pressure off. After all these months, be prepared that he might be nothing like the persona he projects in his messages/ phone calls. However, if you don't meet him then you don't know, and may be forever wondering. Of course do it somewhere safe and keep your best iron knickers on to make sure he is not just another online dating joker...but life is short, and I think you should go for it...to satisfy your curiosity if nothing else!

Original poster
Kokeshi80 · 13/09/2017 23:19

Thank you for your reply,
We have been desperate to meet each other just lifestyles and distance seems to be an issue right now. We live 3hrs apart, typical, but logistics isn't a thing, we have both said this. It's just finding the time to meet, we will definitely meet one day, he seems very much a lovely, open honest guy unlike others I have chatted too or even met. My gut feeling in this is very positive, I wish I went with it in the past with others and saved the heart ache lol! Just guess I need to stop being impatient and take it day by day, just wanted to put the feelers out there to see if anyone else has been in this situ and if I'm being silly. But after all this time of us talking to each other he doesn't seem the type to think with what's in his pants. If that makes sense

OP posts:
Mrsjohnmurphy · 14/09/2017 00:14

Do you have any kind of verification that he is who he is? Are you on his social media, can verify that he is single?

Sounds like a whole dishwashers worth of crap to me, but I'm cynical Grin

pnutter · 14/09/2017 00:18

If he was on the site as an undercover ( pretending type thing) i wouldnt touch with a barge pole. Sorry op. Just my opinion Sad

Mrsjohnmurphy · 14/09/2017 00:22

It's 3 hours, 90 minutes each way each, not like he lives in Alaska

Mrsjohnmurphy · 14/09/2017 00:26

That's not even a reasonable reason to be on a dating site, did he have a pic?a fake pic? A fake profile? And then did a reveal tada here's the real me? Because if he had his actual pic surely supposed cheating wife would have recognised him Confused

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt · 14/09/2017 00:39

Have you Skyped and actually seen him? Do not send sexy pics and for god's sake do not send him money to help with his studies or anything else!!! I think you're being groomed for scamming. Blimey I had a relationship with someone who lived near Edinburgh (I'm in London) and we saw each other every other weekend. I bet you're thinking this is a 'special' relationship like no other aren't you? Get in the car or get on the train and meet him or can't he find any free time at all?

HerOtherHalf · 14/09/2017 00:49

I think you're being groomed for scamming

That was my gut feel when reading the OP as well. His cover story whiffs of bullshit and the whole winning your trust without ever meeting then asking to communicating off the site has scammer MO written all over it. If you do ever agree to meet him treat it as you would a date with a complete stranger because that is exactly what he is. If he stsrts giving you sob stories about being in trouble and needing money run for the hills.

Pavonia · 14/09/2017 06:34

Kokeshi80 you are not being impatient, it has been almost a year!

Be careful. It sounds like this online friendship has come to mean a lot to you.

It shouldn't be impossible for you to both find a free day when you could meet for lunch. If you meet midway it is only an hour and half away.

If he can't offer any day when he could meet then I would be very suspicious. Nobody is that busy. He could be married, have created a fake online persona, anything.

FluffyWhiteTowels · 14/09/2017 06:54

Oh I hope I'm wrong but it doesn't sound honest to me. Sorry to have to say. It sounds cliched. Signed up under cover. Was honest about it. Have been texting for a year but not met as he's sooooooooo busy.

He could be a pen pal collector. I wonder how many others he's texting. Or a Walter Mitty character. Or he's married and this is a little distraction. Worse case he's grooming to scam you. I can't see anything positive about this scenario.

But as long as you're not out of pocket. And if having a pen pal makes you happy then no harm done I guess (if you're sure you're not an OW).

LemonyCakes · 14/09/2017 07:06

I think he wants to get in your purse, not your pants.

I agree with PP about him being a scammer. Scammers will provide a story to lure you away from the dating site and communicate via text or email (as dating sites are often monitored). They will build up a relationship over months to earn your trust, and make you feel like it's a once in a lifetime connection.

The fact that you are only 3 hours away but can't find time to meet is bullshit. If you ask him to propose a time and date, will he? Or will he say that he Is too busy with studies, etc - but will definitely find some time soon.

Don't be surprised if his student loans haven't been paid, he needs new books, his cat gets run over, etc and he can't afford it. He will claim that he will pay you back when he's finally been paid or when he's employed in this top shot job he's studying for (what is he studying, out of interest?).

And, on the minuscule chance he is completely genuine, would you really want to trust someone who was catfishing his friend's wife?

wowfudge · 14/09/2017 07:09

My first thought was that he is grooming you and the only reason you haven't met him is because he isn't who he says he is. His reason for being on there sounded like total BS too.

Swingingsusie · 14/09/2017 07:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swingingsusie · 14/09/2017 07:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheNaze73 · 14/09/2017 07:44

I think you've been duped

Smeaton · 14/09/2017 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

demirose87 · 14/09/2017 07:58

I had similar with a guy online last year. We chatted for about 6 months online and texting, him telling me how much I meant to him and how long he had waited for a woman like me etc. We met up and had a few dates and he dumped me the day after we slept together. I never saw this coming at all, but I noticed he was completely different to how he came across on the phone. So I would be wary that he's left it so long to meet, anyone can adopt a different personality when not face to face with the person. Just go into it with your eyes open and take it at face value.

Myhomeismycastle · 14/09/2017 08:01

Undercover Hmm so busy to meet Hmm

Sorry the cynical side to me says he's married, hope I'm wrong though!!

MyUsername200 · 14/09/2017 08:05

Red flags are flying for me I'm afraid.
He's desperate to meet you but hasn't after ten months? I have a feeling he isn't who he says he is. Married perhaps.

OP I'd be very wary and not get sucked in, you've not even met yet. Infact I'd be backing away from him. Agree with the other posters, something seems fishy about him.

greit · 14/09/2017 08:07

Unless you have evidence to the contrary OP, I would believe nothing he/she says. Be careful.

Ellisandra · 14/09/2017 08:10

And there was me thinking I was going to be Negative Nelly calling bullshit Grin

Sorry OP - it sounds like utter nonsense.

You say that logistics isn't a thing. Even if this guy was straight up, of course it's a thing - or you'd have met by now (if he was straight up, he's not)

You know his story is rubbish, surely? He'd have to be undercover on the website. So... his mate could also just go undercover Hmm

Funny how he has all that time to go undercover but no time to date.

Redtartanshoes · 14/09/2017 08:10

There isn't a man alive that is too busy with studying for 9 months to meet up for a coffee.

Sorry.

starskey80 · 14/09/2017 08:16

I'm sorry but I think you may have been catfished, there's a lot of odd people out there who do odd things for no reason. I'd ask to meet, if he won't, block him. Cause you're just wasting your time here.

Angryangryyoungwoman · 14/09/2017 08:18

Sounds suspect to me too, sorry

demirose87 · 14/09/2017 08:25

Even if he is who he says he is, there's more to it about why he hasn't met you yet. Some people online aren't after a real relationship and just want a text friend, someone to chat to on the side without any of the commitment. You run the risk of getting to invested in this man while he may have no intention of taking it further, so in other words, he could be using you emotionally.

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