Younger women, Older men

[1DAD2KIDS]

I appears to me that there does seem to be a bit of a trend towards younger women dating older men. Maybe it always has historically. The reason I say this in mainly anecdotal and a generalisation but it appears a trend to me:

A lot of older couples I know are men who are significantly older (10 yr +) of the women, especially when the woman is not their first long term relationship or wife.

In a few threads on here over the years I have seen older women say the men their age are only looking for younger women say 20 years younger etc.

There has been many threads where people have posted about being left for a younger women. Likewise my ex wife left me for a man about 15 yrs her senior.

On the other side my experience on OLD is that many women are only looking for an age range of men their age or older, a little bit younger but vastly older or only men who are considerately older. I see very few women's profiles that have an age range that will consider men a fair few years younger.

I have read a few articles titled the likes why millennial women want to date older men or why I date older men. I read a philological publication article that suggests that this is normal for men to seek younger women and women to seek older men, we are wired that way.

We see that in many high profile celebrity relationship the woman is often 10 years + younger than the man.

Even when I was school I remember a lot of the girls dating guys in the years above. No one could get a look in with the most fancied girl in my year group because she had bagged her self a 20 yr old bloke with a car and some cash to splash. How could any of the boys competed with an adult who had his own car and plenty of money, we weren't even older enough to drive let alone have much pocket money to spend?

Maybe there are a few members on hear who have settle down or only dated older guys. I read one poster on another thread was saying the man she fell in love with was twice her age at the time. Maybe shed some light of what is the attraction to older guys?

Yet we see/hear very little about men dating vastly older women. Obviously it happens and there are examples but it very much seems the norm for the man to be a fair bit older. Is this a really as a common a thing as the above points lead me to wonder? If so great I suppose for older men and younger women. But not so great for younger men or older women.

Personally I have mainly dated older women (ranging in the past up to 17 yrs). I dated a woman for a few months when I was 22 and she was 39. Maybe because I have always looked mature for my age -or a blood hard paper round- or because I never seem to be on the same wavelength as younger women. 90% of the women I have dated or just had a thing with have been older. My ex wife being the one of the exceptions as she is 3 years my junior. Normally I seem to date 8-10 years older than me. As I head towards mid way into my 30s admittedly the age gap doesn't seem as much.

It is interesting that people has raised that poplar culture may have something to do with the trend. Does the celebrity and the media influence people or is celebrity and media imitating/replicating normal life?

Is this something to do with biological/evolutionary traits and therefore should just be expected?

Is it a trend that has a negative emotional effect on the lives of single older women and younger men?

For me personally, men my age still live like students and behave like children (I'm 27).

My first proper bf was 5 years older, I was 20 he was 25, with a real job and apartment I thought he was a real grownup!

DP is 9 years older and I am 100% sure if we had met when he was in his 20s we would never have been together. Maturity is attractive. Obviously not all young men are immature, but generally speaking!

My husband is about fifteen years older than I am. At the time we met he we were just a few years past him being twice my age. He was, and is, a nice, grown up man. He looked like a proper man (with chest hair and all), he lived like a proper man (not in student digs or with his mother) and most importantly he behaved like a proper man (not a child). He was a real catch, completely unattached (no previous marriages or children), he was not wealthy but able to support a family (even if I was not earning much for the first few years which our age gap necessitated), he was interesting and well educated (PhD) and we just got on very well. I had reservations, marrying him was almost a guarantee of early widowhood but I loved him and wanted him to be the first to go. Somehow it just worked with him in a way that it had not worked with younger, less secure (emotionally), more self absorbed men. It just seemed like most men tended to mature to peak 'I want to have a proper relationship' age much later than women I guess.

you're concerned about older women?

I disagree that this is a new trend.

I think women are less motivated than ever by other people's resources.

Hollywood and male scriptwriters do make unlikely pairings but i dont think women just accept a much older than they're comfortable with age gap.

My bf is 15 years older than me. My last bf was 10 years older than me. Young guys just don't appeal to me.
I am totally in love with my bf and we have the same hobbies and values. It's nothing to do with money as some posters suggested. He was actually bankrupt when we met. We don't notice the age gap ever.... at all.

I've always dated older men but now I'm 40 and I've had my kids, younger men seem infinitely more attractive 🤣

DH 16 years older than me.

Wouldn't have it any other way. I love him to bits. I've always preferred to date older guys.

Probably have unresolved daddy issues

Money

Sounds awful, doesn't it? My DH is a high earner (he's 2 years younger than me, BTW). I've watched so many of his friends marry women who are 28. It started when the men were in their 30's, continued in the 40's and is still going on in their 50's! He and I laugh about it.

I think that some young women (clearly a minority of young women) want the big house and the fancy cars and great vacations, and it's just more a sure bet if you go for a man who can already provide it rather than taking a risk with a younger one who needs to build his career.

It sure isn't a new trend. It's as old as time itself.

Wanna know why the older guys like younger women? Or did you figure that part out?

(And I do believe it is a minority of younger women. Most young women would be mortified to date someone old enough to be their father who has already been divorced 3 times.)

I'm 55, there is no way I'm going out with a 70 plus year old man. I see too many old men as patients

I dated a man 11 years older in my 20s when younger men seemed much less interesting but gradually I moved onto men my own age and then lived with someone 5 years younger for a long time. Now I'm single again and in my 50s I am rather scared of ending up with someone older and rapidly ending up as a carer. Have had enough of that with my parents, aunties etc.! If I ever get round to looking again I will definitely be aiming for younger, same age or not more than a few years older if a healthy type!

I haven't noticed such a trend. Amongst my friends and family, 95% of couples are very close in age. I can only think of one couple where the woman is significantly older and another where the man is much older.

As a 47 year old women I had no idea how many younger men were into older women until I got here.

There are two types of men after older women though.
One is the man who has fallen for an older woman and loves her for who she is and the other who just wants to shag an older woman as a goal as they think they are better in bed and gives them something to boast to their mates , think the term m.I.l.f is used !
I was the first type not the second ,before anyone asks !

I'm 55, there is no way I'm going out with a 70 plus year old man. I see too many old men as patients

Agreed - the trouble is that older women run out of time as most men on dating sites seem to want partners 7+ years younger. I just wanted someone about my own age - not a life partner just for dating - but have given up now. I am probably better as I am. It's sad though.

I don't know if it's a new thing one of my mum's friends is 52 and her stepson is the same age.

If it was a young woman and older man....

Yeah definitely no more than a 10 year age gap. I can't imagine having anything in common with someone 20-25 years older. Or potentially being their carer when I am only 39!

I think the older you get (and the older HE gets,) the more of a challenge a huge age gap would be. What was appealing and exciting to start with (a wise, middle aged man who was sexy and mature,) would soon become tedious drudgery as he turned into a pensioner, while you were still fairly young.

Same the other way around really; does a fairly young man in his late thirties really want to be with a woman who is just about to draw her pension? Really? I can't get my head round it, I really can't.

I mean, I am sure a 22 year old man finds the idea of a 39-42 year old woman exciting, but what about when you're 40, and she is nearly 60?

yetmorecrap Tue 12-Sep-17 21:10:48
"And before anyone says anything I haven't noticed many younger attractive women dating guys who aren't at least decently 'comfortably off"

Been with DH for 25 years Im 44 hes 67. He and i both met when we were care workers.

Ive also dated someone 21 years older than me who was a hospital porter.

And someone 17 years older than me who was a delivery driver.

So if im a gold digger im not very good at it am i. I fucking hate this assumption that women only date older men because they have money.

I prefer older men because they dont seem to have high expectations about how women should look and they dont expect a shaved pubic area or anal sex as a given.

And many have lived through great social change which makes them interesting to talk to.

Im sitting here tonight with a small chemical burn on my chin from facial hair removal cream . DH was concerned about the burn Hes never moaned about the fact that i have a few hairs on my chin.But i hate them. However i know i dont have to do this again because of him But if i was on the dating scene and seeing men my own age its something i would have to consider. I also used to be ten stone heavier than i am now. DH has never said one derogatory word about my weight. Not one.

DH has emphysema. When (God forbid) hes not around anymore i have no intention of doing OLD Especially not after reading the threads on here. Multi dating UGH Horrible American import. If i was to meet someone just by chance later on in life then fine. But im not going to push fate and take risks with corrosive products just because men below a certain age cant deal with a bit of body hair. Id rather be alone.

I'm 41 and I'm seeing a 53 year old man. He's comfortably well off but so am I so it's not about the money at all. He's kind, great fun and absolutely mind blowing in bed (that bit helps a lot!). I sometimes wonder what it'll be like in years to come, if he wants his pipe and slippers before me, but life is too short to worry too much.
My fear in dating younger than me is a man who hasn't yet had his family. I have no interest in more kids, but it's more likely someone nearer 30 may not be, which would make us totally incompatible.

My daughter just mentioned to me something that made me cringe , her friends step mum is the same age as her,19 .
All sorts of wrong to me

I have never gone out with an older man. The idea does not appeal to me at all. I don't find 'mature' looks appealing (or at least, not as appealing as a fresh-faced appearance). Most people I know are with people more or less the same age as them - there are very few with large gaps, and the biggest gap I can think of is one where the woman is older.

My husband is only 2 years younger than me, which is an unusually small gap for me. If we broke up, I expect I would end up with another stripling.

@helenadove

I prefer older men because they dont seem to have high expectations about how women should look and they dont expect a shaved pubic area or anal sex as a given.

Fuck me. You have met some wrong 'uns!!! I have never ever met a man who expects me to shave my minge and take it up the tunnel, as a given.

I think it's a terrible generalisation to say younger men expect anal and a bald minge, and older men won't. Being a massive bell-end isn't age related.

@isntitapip a 12 year age gap isn't TOO bad. Thought it is pushing it!

Agree with @badtime. The vast majority of people are with people within 5 years younger or older. People with huge age gaps are rare.

hiphopcat its what others have experienced On here in the dating threads and some of my friends in RL.

There was a post on the thread in AIBU (the thread where the OP doesnt want to date someone who lives with his mum and work in a shop) about a bloke who actually put "nothing over a size 10" on his dating profile.

I can only go on what ive seen with my own eyes.

And yes there are some older men who are dicks too

I guess it's subjective then Helena. Because I've not experienced it.

I think the biological wiring is rubbish. We mostly mate for life, in genetic historical terms, and find our mates when younger so a young man of 20 isn't going 10 years younger! Women are primed to go for physically strong men, as much as men are primed to go for fertile curves.

Older men have weaker sperm and aren't as capable physically, so it's not instinct!

Culturally I think we are still a male orientated culture. Women who date much older men are going for the traditional being looked after. Imho.

That being said, I tried to fight the tide, spent a year with a man 12 years younger (really fit!) and then a man my own age, but both have moved on to much younger women...

So I think my best chances are older! Wish that weren't the case...