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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

i just lived up to the "crazy ex" stereotype

70 replies

grittypetal · 12/09/2017 20:35

I have been getting upset about exDP's new gf for a while here. If you read my old threads you'll see. Well, she moved in with him now, DC are going over and spend time with them regularly.
I thought I was doing quite well, however, a few days ago in a phone converstaion with him related to her I totally lost my cool and spilled out all the negative stuff that I keep in my head about her.
He was defensive of her and is now way colder with me. It seems to me he's well annoyed with me for slagging her off to him.
I am well aware that thiswas studpid and immature, but I was caught off guard in that conversation and did not gather my thoughts quick enough.
The question is - how bad did I fuck it up? Is this going to damage our relationship? We were just starting to manage to keep things cool between us for the DC sake.

OP posts:

dontstophelping · 14/09/2017 17:07

I'd be annoyed at her wanting to come too. Jesus, sensitivity of a bull!

Yes you shouldn't have said those things but don't beat yourself up about it, many of us would.

dontstophelping · 14/09/2017 17:08

Madmags deranged is unkind.

Piratesandpants · 14/09/2017 17:12

She has no business coming into your house. Your handover discussions are between you and him I.e. The parents. She sounds deranged thinking that it's her place to be there.

Dustbunny1900 · 14/09/2017 17:19

This is what qualifies as a "crazy" ex these days? . I must be a right psycho then.
You don't want her at your house and I don't blame you. You said some less than polite things. Move on and forget it and fgs don't bring it up again.
I'd concentrate on moving on from him and healing, not getting anxious that he's acting "colder" to you.

rizlett · 14/09/2017 17:26

It doesn't matter what he or his GF thinks of you op.

All that matters is what you think. You are struggling with all these feelings and being human [like all of us] the jealousy just slipped out.

The jealousy is the thing that needs to be worked on. Explore exactly what it is you are jealous of and why. Maybe look at EFT on youtube for some 'in the moment' techniques.

Most of all forgive yourself.

bert3400 · 14/09/2017 17:30

Madmags...she was OW , I would go fucking mental if she stepped a foot in my house . Completely sympathise OP ...i think you have been very restrained in your approach to the GF (OW)

dontstophelping · 14/09/2017 17:31

She wasn't OW.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 14/09/2017 17:35

@bert3400 OP has said she wasn't the OW!

MadMags · 14/09/2017 17:38

She wasn't the OW.

ImTakingTheEssence · 14/09/2017 17:40

She's not the ow she cheated on him and has behaved this way from the start. if you read her other posts there all about her ex and his girlfriend God help them!

MadMags · 14/09/2017 18:13

Wait, OP cheated on her ex??

Justdontknow4321 · 14/09/2017 18:23

Op - you sound like a jealous insecure nut job.

Believe me - what you said would be permanent damage, you basically attacked her for no reason just because you can't handle your own shit.

He's going to be cold with you and I don't blame him. It's up to him who he dates and she wasn't even the OW!!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 14/09/2017 18:29

Wait, OP cheated on her ex??

Yep seems like it.

Alittlepotofrosie · 14/09/2017 18:57

Grow up and put your kids first.

Original poster

grittypetal · 14/09/2017 22:09

Wait, OP cheated on her ex??
how did we get to this now? Jesis, of course not.
Not that it makes anything better

OP posts:

Original poster

grittypetal · 14/09/2017 22:13

I'd appreciate it if people did not turn nasty and judgemental - I can do that myself perfectly well, thank you very much, ha ha. I see these threads as a went-out to get some outside perspective. As I said, this is not kind of stuff to casually discuss with a mate over a coffee so I do appreciate all opinions - negative ones but also supportive ones. I suppose me even trying to figure things out - good vs bad - is a redeeming trait. It has been bloody hard.
No one else's been involved in the split though, fyi.

OP posts:

MadMags · 14/09/2017 22:24

So you've never cheated on him?

Where did that come from??

OlderGolder · 14/09/2017 22:28

Sod the apology.

I'd say calmly ''it's not working for me, you coming to the house with your girlfriend, it's not a situation that is fair on me, you can't come to my home any more and you certainly can't both come together to my home as I'm sure you have the emotional intelligence to realise that that's hard for me''. Then work hard on not caring any more.

Original poster

grittypetal · 14/09/2017 22:29

none of us cheated. It would have been unthinkable for both. Thats maybe why it is soo hard to see him with someone else now.

OP posts:

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 14/09/2017 22:29

Your other threads do show that you haven't liked her from day one and resent her a lot.

You need to move on.

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