Affair! Is it time to inform my partner's, lover's wife?

[BigJoe]

A few years ago I discovered my partner was having an affair with a work colleague. After a lot of detective work by myself, I found out his name, wife's name, address, his wife's works address etc etc.
I confronted my partner and of course she denied it despite me divulging all the proof and information I had....evidence of texting, hidden phone numbers, seeing them after work having a drink in out of the way bars and as well as me being given a huge hint that something was going on by another one of her work colleagues.
After the confrontation, things were difficult for a couple of years but I stayed with her and eventually our relationship improved but for me, things were gone but not forgotten. I know for sure that the lovers wife was completely oblivious to what had gone on.
However, I have noticed a thing or two in our relationship now, that leads me to suspect that the affair has started again...or maybe it never even ended! This time though, she has become much more adept at covering her tracks. So at least this time I cannot be sure 100% but I have very very strong suspicions.
My question is people, is it now time to inform the lovers wife? And how and what to say.
I can do this anonymously as I know her sisters address.
They do have a teenage son who still lives at home and another two, grown up and left home.
I will deal with my own circumstances once I decide what to do, or not to do, about theirs.

Its just not anyone elses business

Agree cud a woman is basing her whole life around a lie, her future, their kids. She's being betrayed very deeply. Why would anyone want to collude with the lie?

But it does sound as if you are getting very bitter already. Tell the wife kindly, in person, with compassion. Regain some of your dignity.

Quite possible the affair never ended. You need to find some solid evidence and then decide what you want. If you want to divorce - then divorce first and then tell OMW. If yiu want to try to save the marriage, then the sooner you tell OMW the better. The chances are OM will drop your wife immediately.

There is a risk that she might divorce you but she can do it anyway.

If you're gunna tell her, do not do it anonymously!!!

I would want to know. But I'd want to know as much as possible before confronting. If you do it anonymously she's gunna have 100 questions to ask but can't because she hasn't a clue who the anonymous person is.

Not only that, but if someone anonymously told me my partner was cheating, I would question whether it was true or not as I'd be concerned it was somebody trying to cause trouble.

If you're gunna do it, do it properly.

If you are going to stay with her regardless of whether the affair is still happening or not, you two need couple councelling. You're clearly not over it.

I would 100% tell his wife! But you need proof really! Good luck

Deal with ending your relationship first.

I think the time to tell his wife was when you discovered the cheating.

You didn't do that then and it sounds like you have become preoccupied with telling her out of revenge now.

You should tell her (should have dumped your partner and told her ages ago) because she deserves to know, not because you want revenge on him. That means dealing with your relationship first then thinking about how you explain to his wife kindly in her interests.

My x was having an affair - I didn't know - I knew something was wrong Though as he'd told me he wasn't sure how he felt about me anymore.
I came on MN looking for answers I was told there would be an OW - I asked him so many times He lied every time - he lied to his DF too I thought he was the exception I put it down to his mother dying and work stress although a month in I kicked him out. He told me the marriage was over no one else involved just didn't love me anymore - wanted to do the right thing by me and kids. Ow went back to her DH - who knew- my x feigned breakdown/ - I let him come home and cared for him whilst he blubbed like a baby - guilt? Or lost love of his life? - the affair restarted only reason he told me is ow's DH threatened to tell me if he didn't. My suspicions were right but I would not have found proof - he was too clever for this - I spoke to ow's DH as x feigned suicide when it all came out - we checked stories dates etc - he then ditched her as she had continued to lie - x & ow are still together

I'm still picking up the pieces - divorce from hell - I respect ow's DH more than my own for having the guts to say I should know. I gave x the chance - it was his choice to leave -the worst part was 'knowing' but 'not knowing' one day all this will be over!

I would want to know.