I need to tell him it's over

[Fenellapitstop]

We have been married for 17 years. In that time he has accused me of cheating, repeatedly called me a cunt, tried to make me hit him so I'd lose my job, told people I was trying to kill myself when I wasn't, again to discredit me at work, belittled me, has been unwilling to support me when I've had horrible things happen, he has been aggressive towards me and our son as well. When friends visit me he stays in the room the whole time. He will cause a scene if we do anything that isn't about him. He's now on the verge of losing his job again. This time I can't help him. He is unable to tell the truth. His behaviour has been so difficult I believed he was mentally ill, I took him to the gp and he just said he was passive aggressive and a problematic personality. I can't face another 40 years of this. I've decided that I can't do this anymore and he will have to move out. I need to protect the children and I want to be happy again. My problem is I'm worried about how he will react. He is a vindictive character, as are his parents. They went to the trouble of photo shopping his exwife out of all photos they had and flew to Germany where he was living at the time to removal everything they could from their flat. They gave us the deposit on our house. I have started sorting myself out, I've changed some pin codes, I have an email address of my own for the first time ever and I'm going to set up my own bank account tomorrow. I know I'm being a smudge vague but he sometimes checks if I still post on here. Any ideas on how to do this?

He's here, it's my fault he's going to have to sleep in his car tonight

He’s not necessarily mentally ill, he is abusive. This is domestic abusive. You are right to leave, you’re being very brave and considering all the right things. Well done.

I would suggest contacting some DV support agencies. Safe lives, The national domestic abuse support line, women’s aid. There are lots on there maybe ones that are specifically local to you. They will help you, especially with things that you might not have thought about. You’re definitely on the right track sorting out your financial things, but there is so much support out there if you try access it. It won’t be easy but you won’t be on your own either. All the best x

I now have a car and a car seat so I can get about. He is meanwhile still 'sorting out' a flat while staying at his friends. All contact is still at my house. First thing he does is use the toilet, almost as if he's marking his territory. He's also still just walking in. I've told him it's not appropriate but he seemed unhappy with that saying it's still his house. I told him that it would be polite and I may be naked or something and I don't like it. He told me that 'wouldn't matter, nothing would happen'. Such a dickhead. I'm still paying for his food as he just helps himself when he comes in, if he cooks for the kids he eats too. He's just taking the piss out of me