The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Go Sober For October?

[Mouseface]

Hello, 'tis me, Mouseface, welcome to the Bus, aka Gerarld.

We're a bus full of various Babes, from those who are as dry the Sahara, those who drink in moderation, those who binge drink and can go for weeks without a drop and then fall arse over tit (pardon the french!) straight off the bus and into the sidecar, and then we have Babes who try every single day to give up.

The thing is, we all do 'this' ONE DAY AT A TIME and with passion too. You have to WANT to stop with every fibre of your being.

And that's what this bus is about. We support each other. No matter how many times you fall of the Bus, we'll always be here to scoop you back up and listen.

So, come and join us. Lurk, or grab a seat, make sure you're comfy and enjoy the journey as we talk about the dreaded drink, plus everything from how expensive Tena Lady's are, to what's in the slow cooker!

We don't judge, this isn't a competition, it's our lives.

And if you'd like to read the last thread, HERE IT IS

Plus, if you'd like to see where the Bus started out, you can RIGHT HERE

Hope to see you soon xx

Thanks Minnie x

Morning lovely Babes,

Just checking in and wishing everyone a beautiful autumn day. New babes are very welcome here.

Today I will not be drinking.

Hear, hear, guggenheim: me neither.

KickingtheWW2017
Life has to be different/better than this
I hear you! Didn't drink last night, I was way too Ill! I'd mixed cava, pinot, cider and gin 🤢
guggenheim Dystopiandreaming
I'm starting day 2 AF today! Sober October in September.
Ma
Didn't have to. DP was hammered aswell so can't remember so I've dodged that one. All I have to do is not go out for the next year and avoid everyone from town. 😕
Moves up to let VelvetB on the bus.

Thanks ma and hope the work trip goes well.

Morning gugg, I'll not drink today with you too.

Day 2 for me too mint, mum did offer me wine with my Sunday dinner but I also was feeling too grim to accept. Had a pounding headache all day yesterday. I don't like taking painkillers with a hangover as I always think I've pounded my organs enough without adding more on top of it - it's my penance

Totally crap night's sleep, 4 am before I finally drifted off. Low level anxiety and some form of existential crisis (I've achieved nothing with my life, what have I done of value when it'll all be over in the blink of an eye wahh) kept my brain awake. Looking forward to bedtime already.

Ooh mint that must have been the hangover from hell- you have my sympathy. Also I know from many, many experiences that you don't actually have to move town, it will be fine 😎 Big hug

Love the existentialist crisis at 4 am! I do that too - what is it about the early hours that brings that on??? cup of tea is the only known cure I'm afraid.

Hi everyone can I join in. Absolutely sick of binge drinking, making a complete full of myself and its just is having a huge knock on effect with home life and mental health. Really have to change. Day 2 for me

Day 2 for me too. But I always wait til Thursday to drink. I'm going out this Thursday, a get together with friends I haven't seen in months, standard massive amounts of wine night. I'm gearing myself up to drive there instead. and slightly panicking already. I need to crack my Thursday and Friday night's binge sessions. Downloaded Jason Vales book and going to make myself read to the end.

Hi everyone. I'm feeling like crap today. Too much to drink last night and Friday night ('moderation' felt too shit to drink much on Saturday). Sorry to hear others have also had bad weekends booze-wise. Particularly Mint, that sounds like a nasty one - you have my empathy .

I'm also fed up of binge drinking slanted, you're in the right place.

Well, on the plus side, I've not drunk at all Monday to Thursday for the last couple of weeks.

On the minus side, the hangovers are worse at the weekends.

I have that 'I never want to drink again' feeling today. I just wish wish wish it would last....

I've seen some of you talking about reading sober stories to help so am going to look at some of the books/blogs you've recommended and see if that does any good.

Oh, and good luck for Thursday Kicking. Driving sounds like an excellent plan.

Thanks Flowers want to try and have more willpower and be able to stop at a couple of glasses but going to really try for a good dry spell sickened myself!!

Hi, hope everyone's ok :-)
Day 1 for me - today I will not be having a drink. Finding it hard already and I've only been home for half an hour!

I'm here Ma! [waves frantically] Hi to the new babes, welcome to this amazing bus full of brilliant women.

So...I am still AF and it's day 38. I don't feel like drinking but this weekend I had a major slap in the face from other people's reactions to me not drinking. It's a bank holiday in Margieland so I took the DCs up to stay with my aunt and uncle. Last night we skyped with my cousin and as soon as she saw my glass with my nice tonic and lime in it she said "I hope there's booze in there". I mean that was literally the first thing she said to me...before she'd even said hello. So I kind of brushed it off but deep down I felt like I was letting her down, which is crazy but it's true. And today my uncle said "so are you not drinking at all?" and I said no because I'm training for a half marathon (actually true) and he laughed and said "well, that's why you need booze". And again I got the sick feeling that I was letting people down by not drinking.

Of course all these people know me as a drinker, so they're going to be surprised. Surprise I can cope with. But disappointment is much more difficult to deal with. I'm not ready to stand up in front of my whole family and friendship circle and announce that I'm an alcoholic but I feel like that might be the only way to get people off my back. And this weekend was mild compared with what's to come - I've got a girls' weekend away in November and there's already been lots of talk of cooking with vodka and raiding the wine cellar.

I don't want to be judgmental about people pressurizing me to drink, as I know I've done it to people plenty of times in the past. But I don't know how to get people on my side and make them understand that I need to do this, that sobriety can only be beneficial for me. If I start to drink again because of pressure from friends and family it will make me feel like a failure twice over.

Spanna, Faire, Venus - can you help? I would love some wise words. Sorry for the me me me post, hope everyone has had a good day.

Margie it's a tricky one this one. We, I think are quite similar...drink everyone under the table, egg everyone else on (if they're light weights), always up for a drink or 15, life & soul of the party, let's go round to Margie's/Spanna's, she'll be up for a drink on a week night, don't need a reason to drink, life has centered around drinking to be sociable from teenager, incorrigible around others etc etc, sound familiar??
I set myself my 100 Day challenge and told my lot (family/friends) as and when I saw them (and they realised I wasn't drinking) that I was doing 100 sober to see if I can actually do it. Some of my mates (really good friends) literally scoffed at me and said NO WAY are you going to be able to do it (this egged me on even more) If you remember - one of my besties got married in the middle of my 100 & she said, but surely you're going to toast me on my wedding day with champagne and I said no I'm not! She was disappointed (we've drunk alot of champagne together over our 30 year friendship) But once she got her head around it and realised that I wasn't even prepared to have one glass on her big day - she accepted it and went and bought me some AF fizz (disgusting and sweet) and I toasted her with literally a few sips of that.
As I started to look so much healthier and got stronger with my resolve my friends reactions became less intensified and they just accept that I don't drink anymore. It can get a bit dull as everyone gets more pissed, louder, and start talking bollocks and repeat the same sentence over and over - basically exactly what I used to do.
You just have to stand firm that you're doing this challenge (saying 'you know what I'm like, once I've made the decision, I'm just going to do it') I also think that alot of my friends protests were more about their drinking and not mine, in the other words, they look at their drinking and may not feel that comfortable with it.
I hope that helps Babe - we neither of us can do moderation, it's not in our 'make up' or DNA
Sorry for the essay, I hope this makes some sort of sense.

Love to all x

Margie my family are also big drinkers, amongst my cousins (on my dad's side) I'm known as the wild one and if I'm honest all of my family that know me well think I'm a big drinker. My dad was a bit of a party animal (with the angels now) he mixed a mean (and I mean mean) gin & tonic, as a family we partied hard and I was always right in the mix of it. Any excuse to pop a cork to celebrate, commiserate etc. I think they're all gobsmacked that I've stuck to it, but it's now not a big deal with them, they've accepted that this is the way it is now x

Oh lovely Spanna, you're a legend, thanks so much for that. Yes, everything you said sounds very familiar, we would have been a very dangerous combination when we were both drinking! Luckily I am stubborn as a mule, so I think what you say about "I've made the decision so I'm going to do it" will definitely ring true with my friends and family. I guess a big part of what you're saying is that once people get used to it, it will get easier. I just need to stay strong through the initial shock period!

You have made it seem easier to tackle those friends and family pressures my lovely friend, bless you and this wonderful bus.

margie I think we can often define ourselves in relation to our family or friends as 'the one who......' It will will be different for different family members, or each person in a group of friends. You might be the one who drinks everyone under the table, a cousin might be the one who is always bossy, or hopeless with money, or the sickly one or.... whatever.

Even if the pigeon holing isn't true it can be uncomfortable when there's a shift - for you and for others around you.

Stick with it. Redefine yourself. Others will come to accept the new you. And if they don't, well they're the stick in the mud!

Thank you so much Venus. I will stay strong, in large part thanks to the support I get from inspirational people like you, Spanna and this bus in general.

I worry about how I am going to 'explain' not drinking too. But then I think I just won't: I'll just say I don't want to drink anymore.

You're right Dystopian, it's actually no-one's business but your own but I don't find it that easy. When I say I'm not drinking people want to know why, and that's when I get wobbly. I've always been a people pleaser to a ridiculous extreme, which is probably one of the reasons I started drinking in the first place. I need to have some arguments in place to be able to defend my decision.

But everyone is different and I'm sure lots of people are stronger in the face of people's perceived criticism than I am.

Well I know lots of people are stronger in the face of wine than I am

I think the key is to try to keep your responses casual: I just don't feel like drinking, maybe later, I have a stinking headache, I have a hangover! Feel absolutely free to lie.

Dystopiandreaming Margie
When I did my 90+ days I just told friends I was doing it for charity. That worked quite well.
venusandmars
My Mother is/was an alcoholic. I vowed never to be like that. It's definitely become an all too easy habit to grab a glass of wine after work. Last night, I came home and poured my half bottle of Pinot away. So today I'm Day 3 AF.

Checking in. Suddenly realised on way to bed that I hadn't even thought of a drink tonight, usually have a fake (AF) G&T at least.
Big test this weekend with family event though, trying for moderation.
Such good insights on this bus from everyone and great team spirit. I love it!

holdthewine I think the trick with that kind of family event is to make sure your first TWO drinks are non-alcoholic.

So when you arrrive and are offered a glass of something, have your reason ready "actually I've been running around with the kids all morning and I'm really thirsty, could I have a big glass of water / orange / mug of tea first." Or "I've got a bit of a headache, could I have a glass of water to take my painkillers with"

Then request a top up of water / tea before you're under pressure to drink anything else. You may end up drinking a couple of horrid glasses of juice but it will achieve a few things:

• reinforce to yourself and your psyche that your inention is to moderate
• ensure that you are fully hydrated before you start drinking so you're much less likely to gulp down a glass or wine or beer (and avoid the 'oh look you've finished already, I'll just top that up for you....')
• you're able to choose your non-alcoholic drinks while your brain is fully sober, it's always so much more difficult to choose a juice or tea once you've already had 2 or 3 glasses if wine - and instead your answer is more likely to be "more wine, err, errr n.... err n..., oh go on then!"
• by the time you have your first drink everyone else is a couple ahead, and much less likely to notice or care what you drink thereafter.
• if there's a 'toast' at some point later on in the event, you can still join in rather than facing the dilemma of whether to toast with a cup of tea, or give in and have another glass of wine/fizz.
• if the event has a time limit, starting with a couple of nonalcoholic drinks limits the time that remains for you to drink alcohol.

Plan your non-drinking with as much effort as you might have previously planned your drinking.

Margie - I took a different approach to other babes - when people asked why I wasn't drinking, I looked them in the eye and said "I think I am developing a problem with alcohol". A few people I didn't know well would look a bit surprised but those who knew me better just smiled or said "fair enough" - probably as they were the ones who'd seen me turn up pissed at the start of a party, put me to bed, been on the receiving end of a rant rtf. Good luck.