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Relationships

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Original poster

DP too 'busy' to hug me. AIBU?

44 replies

Jess867 · 07/09/2017 16:59

AIBU to expect DP to drop things when I go in for a cuddle?
He's never been a particularly affectionate person but I feel it's getting worse. I am often rejected when I go in for a hug and he says 'not now I'm busy'.
I could understand if he was say, working or on a call or similar, but it's happens when for example he's putting his washing away, or getting ready to go out, texting. Things that could easily be paused for a split second.

Is this reasonable of him and we just aren't compatible or is he being an arse?

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 07/09/2017 17:00

Seems like there must be other problems too?

Ecureuil · 07/09/2017 17:01

It depends I guess... how often do you go in for a hug? I'd get pretty pissed off if I was expected to drop what I was doing multiple times a day because DH fancied a hug.

EllaHen · 07/09/2017 17:02

Don't know. Dh is much more of a hugger than me. I would never reject him. However, he respects that I need my space and senses whether or not I'll be responsive.

Chloe421 · 07/09/2017 17:03

It's not reasonable of him and I can understand this being hurtful. It does sound like there is more to it however, what is your relationship like otherwise?

NeonFlower · 07/09/2017 17:03

I'd find that irritating.

MarmaladeIsMyJam · 07/09/2017 17:03

I wouldn't stop what I'm doing either. You sound a bit needy. How often are you doing it? Why can't you wait till he's finished instead of expecting to stop in the middle of something?

Notreallyarsed · 07/09/2017 17:03

I'm torn because I'd never reject DP and he wouldn't do it to me either, however I get tremendously irritated if I'm in the middle of something and someone demands my attention. Why can't it wait until he's finished what he's doing?

PatriciaHolm · 07/09/2017 17:04

I'd probably finish what i was doing too, tbh.

OddBoots · 07/09/2017 17:05

How is he if you try to hug him when he isn't actively doing something else?

Original poster

Jess867 · 07/09/2017 17:06

We don't live together and no I don't constantly try and hug him so it's not really a case of it being too much. Sometimes it will happen as soon as I arrive at his and we haven't seen each other for a couple of days.

OP posts:

tangledup123 · 07/09/2017 17:06

You sound needy. I would be irritated at being interrupted for a hug whilst I was busy focusing on something else, even if it was just sending a text or putting the washing away. You know he doesn't like it, so why can't you wait until he's unoccupied?

MarmaladeIsMyJam · 07/09/2017 17:07

But why can't you wait till he's finished what he's doing?

hellswelshy · 07/09/2017 17:12

Depends on how often I suppose. But that said my dh is always up for a cuddle or any form of affection. My ex never wanted to hug or hold hands. Hence him being my ex...

BackforGood · 07/09/2017 17:15

Agree with everyone else, we need a clearer picture.
I'd find it incredibly annoying if my partner were trying to interrupt me for a no reason cuddle when I was doing something.

Brakebackcyclebot · 07/09/2017 17:15

Hmmm. I don'T think it's necessarily needy to ask for a hug sometimes. But it would be needy to do so multiple times a day.

Does your DP ever offer a hug without you having to ask?

Original poster

Jess867 · 07/09/2017 17:15

It's hard to describe, it's almost like he is always doing 'something' if he is up and about. If he has down time he will be sitting on the couch. He's not much of a cuddler either so prefers not to do that either. I guess I'm always just happy to see him if I haven't seen him for a couple of days so just go straight in!
For example yesterday he opened the door to me and said hello (no hug) and I followed him into the bedroom where he was trying to choose a shirt to wear, I went to hug him and he said not now i'm busy. I suppose I just feel a bit stupid saying ok can I have a hug later then instead?

OP posts:

Original poster

Jess867 · 07/09/2017 17:20

No he will never hug me off his own back. Any sort of affection usually has to be me initiating it.

OP posts:

Guiltypleasures001 · 07/09/2017 17:24

Sorry op sounds soul destroying from this end. Ide move on and find someone who is interested in another warm body.

KarateKitten · 07/09/2017 17:25

I think OP if he is good and kind in general to you then you might have to accept he's just not a hugger. I'm not really either, partly because my DH definitely is not and I've learned not to bother, but if he tried to hug me every now and then just as a greeting I think I'd find it annoying. My style would be more when I need comfort a hug is appropriate but otherwise it would be a bit anniying.

I guess everyone is just different but I could imagine him being a good partner, loyal, loves you etc while just finds these bursts of affection randomly from you irritating. You are the only one who can judge if the love is there despite the lack of hugs.

TheNaze73 · 07/09/2017 17:27

Just accept your different or move on.

I'd find it very annoying too if I was busy & it screams of neediness

TheNaze73 · 07/09/2017 17:27

You're not your.

OddBoots · 07/09/2017 17:29

Maybe instead of going in for the hug you could ask him 'can I have a hug when you have a few seconds please' and see how he responds. If you don't get any joy then talk it over, ask him how he feels and explain how you feel.

NapQueen · 07/09/2017 17:31

Im not a hugger. Id be pissed off to be kept getting hugs and what not when I dont want them or am doing anything.

I also dont like the whole snuggle on the couch thing or generally much touchy feely stuff.

Thankfully dh realises its part of who I am, not just with him - everyone. Doesnt mean I dont love him or care about him. I just show it in other ways. We do hug occasionally, but the amount you say or when busy - no way.

Ecureuil · 07/09/2017 17:42

I'm also not a hugger, whereas DH is. I think I'm a good enough wife in other ways that it's not a deal breaker for him! Depends on the rest of your relationship I guess.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 07/09/2017 17:44

I wouldn't expect someone to drop everything to give me a hug, but if I went to my DP's house and he didn't kiss/hug me hello after not seeing each other for a couple of days, I would be hurt.

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