Dating - Female POV

[Scs90]

Hi there, I met this girl at a party, so it wasn't an online match lol. I asked her to dance, we did, then I asked for her number, she gave it and then we had a talk and kiss, great way to end the evening.

I text her the next day and we instantly hit it off, finding out about each other whilst making each other laugh for a couple of days.

I asked her out and due to being busy that was about 10 days away, so we had a a fair few days to talk before meeting up, which went very well. Still getting to know each other and having a laugh.

Anyways we met up and have a very good evening in town, got to know each other more again whilst having a laugh. I waited before kissing her again properly, she mentioned that she had been waiting for me to kiss her.
We have not a so serious conversation about what each is looking for, both say not looking to play games, both on the same wave length and not the type to see other people or sleeping around. So I walk her home and end the night with a couple of kisses.

I ask her out again and we meet up, have a blast and then she asks if it would be awkward if we met up with her brother (asked me more than once if this was cool) (came across as a big deal to meet part of the fam) and couple of friends as we were at a fayre/festival type of place.
Anyways, I end up staying the night, both a bit drunk and we slept with each other.

She did say she was intending not to sleep with each other untill the 3rd date but she was sure and ready to proceed on date 2.

All going great, so we plan to meet in 5 days and come day 3, she calls me says about our date, its best we dont as she isnt feeling it anymore,even though im amazing, very good looking, funny, great dates, great in bed lol but just doesn't want a bf right now.

I mean fair play she rang me But still im a bit baffled, meet part of the family, doesnt play games, i tick all of her boxes.
I asked why she lead me up the path and say stuff that lead me on, she apologized and shouldn't have, and for meeting her family, she shouldn't have done that she said. LOL too right. Who does that?
I certainly wouldn't take a girl back to my family if I wasnt very interested in the girl.

I asked why she wasnt feeling it, couldn't tell me really, apart from she doesn't want to get 3 months into dating me and then hurt me? I mean, isnt that what dating is about?
I never once asked her to be my gf or tie her down or suffocate her, so this baffles me more lol. She really was on my wave, funny yet we both had deep serious conversations

So that was 3 days ago, and so far she has not contacted me and Ive certainly not messaged her.. lol would that be a good idea just light and cool, or a strict no.

Im just all a bit confused by it all.

How can you do from, meet my brother, I don't play games, I'd love a 3rd date to I'm not feeling it no more?

I'm not insecure or anything, just don't like being lied to lol I'm straight up, if I'm not interested I wouldn't do things to lead her on? Doesn't make sense.

She was feeling it then suddenly not.

Any advice would be great.

She maybe was feeling it and then stopped feeling it though. And I can't believe when you admit you'll ghost someone that you're getting so worked up about this.
The last person I went out with I ended it telling him I didn't have time for a relationship. Which was true in a way but what I really meant was that I didn't have time for a relationship with him. If he'd ticked all my boxes I'd have made time. But why be mean and tell him that?

Who knows what the reasons could be? Could be any reason at all and you will probably never know. I had a guy like this once, really led me up the garden path, he was so full on and giving it loads, then ended it suddenly by text and said he didn't want to hurt me and he was doing me a favour by ending it. I just wouldn't contact her again and look for someone who's more on your wavelength. Unfortunately when dating you do come across people who give mixed signals and you can never really know someone in such a short amount of time.

Stop overthinking this.
A good 1st date and a decent 2nd date.
Then sex.
But... she just didn't feel that connection during sex.
No real chemistry.
It's happened to me as well.
Lovely guy - we had a great time together.
Then slept with him and it was just a bit meh!
So that was that!

But you say it yourself:
But it was, I tick all of her boxes, she was feeling it and just not now.

Peoples feelings and opinions just sometimes change. An internet forum of random strangers isn't going to be able to shed any light on it as we don't know either of you.

She thought you were a nice guy, but she changed her mind about being in a relationship. Let it go and move on. Frankly your obsessive pondering over it and immediately suspicious nature of the reasons why (suddenly you suspect another guy) would make me want to run a mile.

A mans POV ..just let it go don't beat yourself up over it or look for answers that are not there, it was a couple of dates with a decent sex session thrown in and that's it . Plenty more ladies out there etc ..

averageguy is spot on. There are over 3 billion women on the planet, pointless getting hung up on one after 2 dates. This happens all the time dumping people after sex.
Some people see it as a one & done and then move on or as others have said, she might not be feeling it.

Just leave it & move on

This happens all the time in dating.

You might say "oh well I would never introduce someone to my sibling and then end up saying I wasn't feeling it"
... But how would you feel if YOU were very interested in someone, felt a connection, and then after a short time, suddenly your feelings changed and you just didn't want to carry on, regardless of whether they had met a family member of yours or whatever?

Folk can't help if their sexual / romantic feelings suddenly change. There's absolutely nothing one can do about it. The best case scenario is that we all, as humans, give each other permission in advance to back out of situations like the one you describe.

Otherwise it's a miserable existence where we force each other to carry on in relationships simply because of feelings that have since changed... Sounds awful to me.

Fwiw I once sacked a guy off who I'd previously been v keen on after we shagged. Do you know what the problem was?
He just didn't smell right to me. I mean objectively he smelled lovely, clean, had cologne on, etc, but on a mysterious chemical level, he didn't smell right to me. Once I noticed that I knew we could never go to bed together again. Simples. So what else could i do but end it? Which I did, after giving myself a couple of days to really confirm how I felt.

It's an ego killer and it doesn't feel nice, but at the same time, try to remember it's likely not a reflection on you in any way.

I'm definitely not worked up about it, or beating myself up about it even though it may appear that way from posting on here ha but I'm not it's cool :)

I guess I'm to trustworthy and honest for my own good.
And I can't help my feelings when it feels right and getting good signals and vibes.

Just more annoying than anything, But as I say, I can tell normally after 1 date if I see this girl as a bit of fun or something more.
Hence why if I wasn't feeling it like relationship wise I'd tell her, or make it clear i just want some fun and nothing serious.

We all have our own minds and thoughts and I'm not disputing people can change their mind.

Just makes me laugh, friend I know met his future wife on tinder, they are engaged and have brought a house together after like 12/16 months. Haha just crazy, i know when you meet the right one it'll feel right and go with the flow, guess I'm not there yet. Which is fine

Thestamp:
Ha I get what you mean, as a guy I'd still rather be told that then lied to about needing to focus on your career. Because the previous 2/3 weeks your career wasn't an issue, and you wanted a bf, now you need to focus and don't want a bf.

Just say you don't see me as a bf material, as appose to I tick all your boxes crap lol. Right person wrong time, she'll meet the wrong guy at the right time

Ok, well it sounds like you need to think she's done wrong in order for you to move on from this. Good luck to you in that regard.

Personally I don't think she owed you anything, and I don't think she did anything wrong. In fact I think she was decent and good to you, telling you plainly that it wasn't working for her and she didn't want to continue. Many people don't offer dates that courtesy.

But again it does sound like you've decided she needs to be in the wrong somehow in order for you to feel ok about it all

its the fact of agreeing to another date and then suddenly not feeling it, perfect opp was then to say she wasn't feeling it.
i know feelings can change, but wow really that quick when prior it was everything she wanted and liked.

My gut tells me there is someone else involved.

Maybe there is another guy involved. But what difference would it make to you?

Thestamp: I dont think or want it to be her in the wrong, I'd rather just be told straight up, The sex was crap, your're really not my type, we cnat make this work you live too far away,

as appose to being told im perfect, i tick all the boxes, i was feeling it now for whatever reason im not and need to focus on work lol

Yes i give her credit for telling me and even more credit on the telephone, much easier to hide away in text messages.

I guess it wouldn't make much difference, but then at least you know the truth (met someone more suited) as appose to being told you're amazing and perfect and be brushed off is just hard to take as she made all the right noises and actions that led me on to those feelings.

Anyways like i said before, im a big boy and know how the game works just dont understand some peoples thought process at times.

As i said, i would never lead a girl on, just waste of my time and her time

Everyone's different I know, but if I'm not feeling it I'll ghost or be perfectly honest with them from the start or when I first know.
Not lead someone on, what a waste of my time and their time.

But that's exactly what she's done...when she realised that her feelings had changed (and nobody can tell you why, except her), she did the decent thing and let you know.

Definitely do not message her again. She's clearly let you know that she doesn't want to see you again so while that sucks, respect it and move on.

Sounds like it was too intense and she backed off.

Just because you consider it a sign of being very serious when you introduce dates to your family don't make the mistake of thinking that is how everybody else feels.

Maybe this is precisely why she backed off, that meeting up with her brother meant you decided she was clearly serious about you.

I find it interesting how there is this pattern where many men are angry at the woman for being dumped whereas women seem to blame themselves and think there is something wrong with them.

The reality is you went on a couple of dates and she decided she didn't want more. That happens. Don't be an arse about it.

People can and do back out of relationships years down the line. She's not being unreasonable after two dates.

I do think you just need to brush it aside.

Woah woah woah

All this after TWO dates!?

There could be a million reasons why she has changed her mind, we don't know her and we aren't psychic.

Just let it go and move on. You are coming across as a tiny bit intense and obsessive...massive turn offs!

Have a think really hard if all this is actually coming from a place of feeling entitled. TBH it sounds like it is, despite your best efforts to play it down.

as appose to being told im perfect, i tick all the boxes, i was feeling it now for whatever reason im not and need to focus on work
but why can't you accept that is the truth? It probably is!
Believe me, for someone who says they aren't worked up about it, that's not how your multiple, repeated posts come across!