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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH disappears in the middle of the night and lies about whereabouts...

33 replies

SENDCo · 06/09/2017 23:03

So my friend told me that she woke up in the middle of the night and her husband was not in bed. She got up and walked around the house looking for him and couldn't find him. When she called him a few times he picked up and said he had had an emergency at his office and had to go in. When she asked to see the email/call which described the emergency he could produce it. She accused him of lying and he told her a couple of days later, after much persuasion that he had lied. He told her it wasn't because he was cheating on her, he just wanted to go for a drive. Anyone else think I should advise her to stay well clear of this man? Either he is cheating on her or he has some serious issues...

OP posts:
user1471548375 · 06/09/2017 23:05

I think not your circus, not your monkeys to be completely honest.

I agree it sounds well dodgy though.

SonicBoomBoom · 06/09/2017 23:07

I'd think he's definitely cheating, if I were her.

But try to just be a sounding board and support for her. Remember this is her life and marriage, not entertainment.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 06/09/2017 23:09

Your "friend"?

If she has the app, can she use the "find my phone" feature next time?

It sounds extremely dodgy to me too!

Boatmistress17 · 06/09/2017 23:09

Drugs or a fanjo. .

LaurieFairyCake · 06/09/2017 23:11

I would think that's the most obvious cheating thing I'd heard.

Butterymuffin · 06/09/2017 23:12

Not sure how she can 'steer clear' of her husband. They'll have to have the come to Jesus discussion.

LittleWitch · 06/09/2017 23:13

I knew a guy who did that. It was drugs and a fanjo . Sometimes it was prostitute fanjo. His wife left the country him when she got to the bottom of it.

abigailgabble · 07/09/2017 11:37

"steer well clear of this man"? uhhhhhh if he's her husband it's a bit late for that.

I'm guessing by the way this post is written that OP isn't giving us the full story so i'll save my breath for now.

Anecdoche · 07/09/2017 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KityGlitr · 07/09/2017 11:45

I don't understand why she's accusing him of lying if he could produce the text which called him in for the emergency? Unless you meant couldn't?

Even if he just wanted to go for a drive that's fine but the lying about why he was going out would cross the line for me. You don't lie to your partner.

TheWeeWitch · 07/09/2017 11:49

Drugs or a fanjo

^this

Original poster
SENDCo · 07/09/2017 13:18

*couldnt

OP posts:
Original poster
SENDCo · 07/09/2017 13:18

Agree I've not told the full story and am holding a few details back for various reasons, which I'm sure you understand

OP posts:
HelloBigWorld · 07/09/2017 13:22

Shock. Definitely having an affair isn't he?

He couldn't possibly be struggling with something else, could he?

jeaux90 · 07/09/2017 13:33

So it could be a number of things but I don't get how she didn't hear him leave or the sound of the car even.

I guess the obvious thing is an affair or a sex worker. Or is he under pressure and not sleeping?

Original poster
SENDCo · 07/09/2017 13:40

I think he's under a lot of pressure... But still,he lied.

OP posts:
Original poster
SENDCo · 07/09/2017 13:41

That he saw a sex worker or that he a sex worker?

OP posts:
PsychedelicSheep · 07/09/2017 13:44

This happened with a friend of a friend's husband. He would go awol and £30 would be withdrawn from an ATM on same nights. We all thought it was prostitutes. Turns out it was crack.

jeaux90 · 07/09/2017 13:49

That he could be seeing a sex worker. Just one of the many possibilities. As PP said it would be interesting to look at the bank statements.

Does he have a high stress job? Work long hours etc? Is it possible he did just go for a drive? If he has a nice car maybe it's something he likes to do?

Assuming we are actually talking about you and not a friend here.

Original poster
SENDCo · 07/09/2017 13:56

He does work long hours and has a high stress job... but why lie for days that is was an emergency in the office? Why not say he needed a drive

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 07/09/2017 14:02

I'm not saying he did I'm just saying it's a possibility. There are many possibilities.

I mean look, for example, if you are an anxious person and are easily worried it's easier for him to say a work emergency rather than worry you that he's stressed about work and needed a drive. However, equally if the marriage is rocky or it feels like he's checked out and he's being secretive with his phone etc it could be he is having an affair or seeing a sex worker.

You are being very minimal with the details.

CredulousThickos · 07/09/2017 14:03

Is he a masked vigilante?

relightourfire · 07/09/2017 14:04

Seeing a sex worker in the middle of the night?

Unlikely, my money would be on 'Dogging' or even worse, meeting other men for sex .....

jeaux90 · 07/09/2017 14:11

Relight slightly off topic here but why is having sex with other men worse than dogging? Confused

relightourfire · 07/09/2017 14:16

Good question.
He may just be 'spectating' if it's dogging.

But yes, either way, not a good situation.

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