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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can you ever really believe the ex-gf?

62 replies

Needanewlife · 04/09/2017 15:35

BF and I have had our ups and downs but I thought things had stabilised and things were back to being good I had even reintroduced him back into my kids lives as it has been going well.

Yesterday I received a FB request message from some blonde who turns out to be his ex gf. He mentioned her when we first started dating but only really that she was crackers and he was glad to be finally rid. In her message she said that BF has been in touch with her for months and has been sending explicit messages, she also said they had shagged a few times. I felt sick reading it. I haven't confronted my bf nor have I replied to the blonde. He has spent a lot of time with us lately but there have been nights where hes gone MIA and he hasn't contacted me til the next day. My mind has been racing looking for signs but nothing screams at me other than him being a bit cagey with his phone but he said it's because little Miss Crazy used to go through it so he always has it with him.

I am going to ask him tonight when the kids have gone to bed Cant get childcare so it'll have to be at mine. How do I get him to prove it's lies? I feel sick

OP posts:
bitzy12 · 04/09/2017 18:11

What bluntness said. If she's a crazy ex then why would he contact her? There's your answer I'm afraid. He may or may not have cheated but the fact that he's text his ex saying he had been thinking of her would be enough for me.

Crazy exs do most definitely exist but I don't know if it would be fair to say she is one of them. It wouldn't matter to me if she comes back with anymore evidence or not. Just that text would be enough for me to end it x

Lenl · 04/09/2017 18:14

Claiming that an ex is totally crazy is a bit of a red flag.

As is being cagey with his phone and going "MIA". Whether she's telling the truth or not he doesn't sound like much of a catch.

Bobbins43 · 04/09/2017 18:17

I'm with Team Too Much Drama. 6 months FGS. Forget that noise. Life is too bloody short. You should still be excited about seeing each other, not dealing with this wank.

blackteasplease · 04/09/2017 18:20

I am suspicious of anyone who describes ex as crazy (male or female but I don't date women). It's a red flag for me on OLD and they immediately get unmatched.

I think my ex h is far from normal but I don't mention him! I wouldn't be divorced from him if I still liked him and thought he was grear and fact we are divorced is all they need to know.

I would be v suspicious of bf if I were you.

blackteasplease · 04/09/2017 18:20

Also agree this is too much drama!

gingergenius · 04/09/2017 18:23

I'm just wondering why her hair colour was important???!

Gemini69 · 04/09/2017 18:27

he's being unfaithful with Little miss Crazy OP.. sorry Lady Flowers

CallingPeopleACuntOnFb · 04/09/2017 18:31

Yeah I wondered that too Ginger 🙈

DragonNoodleCake · 04/09/2017 19:33

I've had both sides

But I will say DH very nearly didn't become a DH due to a crazy ex, instead of providing proof, she managed to prove to me all by herself she was batshit by giving me evidence of him being with her when he was with me. There was lots of crazy batshit involving made up STI's and stuff too. I pitied her

This is not common tho - it's usually the lies

DragonNoodleCake · 04/09/2017 19:37

Oh and thinking of what her motives are for telling you this...

  1. he's pissed her off somehow and this is revenge (which generally means he shagged her

  2. she's trying to get you to get rid of him so she can have him to herself - as she knows he's playing you both

Anyway - too much drama - at least for me

MistressDeeCee · 05/09/2017 02:13

If I had a pound for every 'my ex was crazy/a bitch' etc story I've heard in my life, I'd be pretty welll off now due to these men who are with holding their medical diagnosis expertise and denying us the benefit of their skill...

No she's not lying. Thats why he is MIA at times, hides his phone, and she has a way to trace you on FB. Any man who drops the 'my crazy ex' story as part of beginning a new relationship, is suspect. Sympathy-seeking in manipulative fashion, and often to justify shady behaviour ie I hide my phone/do this/act like that, because of my ex. 'You're so much better than her' is even worse, its a pseudo pedestal he will kick from under you eventually when he decides you're not Miss Perfect

If you leave him over this you'll become the 'crazy ex' too. Hopefully you can sort things out but he doesn't sound decent or trustworthy really

RockinSushi · 05/09/2017 02:18

Wake up and smell the fuckwit OP.

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