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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Can you ever really believe the ex-gf?

62 replies

Needanewlife · 04/09/2017 15:35

BF and I have had our ups and downs but I thought things had stabilised and things were back to being good I had even reintroduced him back into my kids lives as it has been going well.

Yesterday I received a FB request message from some blonde who turns out to be his ex gf. He mentioned her when we first started dating but only really that she was crackers and he was glad to be finally rid. In her message she said that BF has been in touch with her for months and has been sending explicit messages, she also said they had shagged a few times. I felt sick reading it. I haven't confronted my bf nor have I replied to the blonde. He has spent a lot of time with us lately but there have been nights where hes gone MIA and he hasn't contacted me til the next day. My mind has been racing looking for signs but nothing screams at me other than him being a bit cagey with his phone but he said it's because little Miss Crazy used to go through it so he always has it with him.

I am going to ask him tonight when the kids have gone to bed Cant get childcare so it'll have to be at mine. How do I get him to prove it's lies? I feel sick

OP posts:

Original poster

Needanewlife · 04/09/2017 16:54

Ok I have done it I have asked her for screenshots as proof. It was vomit inducing sending that I just hope that she cannot provide the evidence.

OP posts:

bitzy12 · 04/09/2017 16:54

Sorry but what does Mia stand for?

eyebrowsonfleek · 04/09/2017 16:55

Missing In Action

ChicRock · 04/09/2017 17:04

You've only been with this guy for 6 months, you've introduced him to your kids, then un-introduced him and now re-introducing him - in six months. He's spent 6 months pissing you about whilst you try to shoehorn him into stepdad role, and none of your friends can stand him.

The ex, crazy or not, is the least of your worries, and I sadly suspect that even if she provides you with clear evidence that everything she says is true you'll still desperately try to hang on to this gobshite.

Shoxfordian · 04/09/2017 17:15

Yeah I don't think she's lying either

CallingPeopleACuntOnFb · 04/09/2017 17:21

he sounds a dick

Bibbitybobbitybollocks · 04/09/2017 17:23

6 months?? Oh no no

godconfusion · 04/09/2017 17:27

Beware she could use WhatsFake and fake them

But also beware she's most likely telling the truth...

FuckYouLinda · 04/09/2017 17:27

My ex told me his ex was crazy. And the one before her. And when he cheated on me and gaslighted me and stole from me and left me reeling, I was painted as the crazy one.

It's his MO.

Original poster

Needanewlife · 04/09/2017 17:28

Ok so I am flummoxed. She did send a screenshot to me and it is clear that he has been in touch with her which I don't mind a bit as long as there is nothing inappropriate. All he's asking her in his message is how is she doing and that he was thinking about her the other day when went skiing. That is all she has sent me. I have asked for other messages which shows he has been inappropriate but nothing has come back..yet...

Whatever happens I am going to ask my bf....I don't mind a jot if he is in touch with her out of friendship but obviously I wouldn't be ok with anything inappropriate. Maybe I am being too optimistic but so far I am struggling to find guilt.

OP posts:

Offred · 04/09/2017 17:28

WTF? 6 months?

A. Of COURSE he doesn't want to 'be a stepdad' he barely knows you and you have 4 kids which is a lot to take on.

B. He's been cheating on you.

You need to chuck this one and if you date again then you need to go a LOT slower. Having read your other thread though I think you need to sort yourself and your kids out and get things ticking along before you even think about adding dating into the mix.

Offred · 04/09/2017 17:30

I'm a LP with four kids too BTW (12,11,7+7) and you've gotta get on top of things or the whole thing comes toppling down.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 04/09/2017 17:32

I don't mind a jot if he is in touch with her out of friendship

Why would he want to be friends with, in his words, "Little Miss Crazy"? Who went through his phone and gave him trust issues?

AnyFucker · 04/09/2017 17:34

Going off probability, it is most likely she is telling the truth

You know it deep down or you wouldn't be asking

thecakefairy · 04/09/2017 17:35

He says his ex is crazy so when the shit hits the fan, he can say 'remember I told you she was crazy?!' It's to get himself off the hook probably.
He would say the same about you if you split up and you would be painted in a bad light.
I would try and find out more!

ChicRock · 04/09/2017 17:36

Oh yeah, Little Miss Crazy, who was crackers and he was glad to be finally rid of - his own words.

Only, now he's thinking about her and wondering how she's doing, and messaging her.

Wake up.

stayawake · 04/09/2017 17:38

Why would he want to stay in contact and be friends with his crazy ex?

godconfusion · 04/09/2017 17:41

Sorry OP but staying in touch to keep the peace of a crazy ex is one word answers to them initiating conversations and lots of "sorry been busy"

It's not "I was thinking about you the other day"

It's just not

Anecdoche · 04/09/2017 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bibbitybobbitybollocks · 04/09/2017 17:43

Yy to what AnchorsDown said. Why would he message her to say he was thinking about her?
6 months, ups and downs and an ex drawing you into drama, no thanks.
I wish I had something constructive to say but I don't know why you're bothering to be honest, it sounds like you have a enough to be going on with.
Ps I was a single mum with 4 kids, house, job and ex as helpful as a chocolate fire blanket, this is not what you need.

Gilead · 04/09/2017 17:44

Everything stbxh told me about his ex is what he's telling his new gf about me...

BitOutOfPractice · 04/09/2017 17:49

There should be no "ups and downs" in 6 months.

Trollspoopglitter · 04/09/2017 17:50

Honestly, if I found out a man I wa sleeping with was cheating on me with another woman/girlfriend, I'd let her know. I wouldn't be providing her with evidence or trying to prove myself to her. Not my circus, not my monkeys. I would have done my bit warning her of the scumbag and the rest was none of my business.

So if you asked me for evidence, OP... I wouldn't give you any. I wouldn't have anything I needed to prove to you and it was up to you what you chose to do next. I wouldn't be getting involved further with screen shots, being called a liar by either or both of you, etc.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 04/09/2017 17:51

I have a rule.
If a guy calls his ex crazy I can live with that , we have all had a crazy ex.

But If he was too describe all exes as crazy that's a massive red flag.

I have a friend who describe his ex as crazy. Why? Because she stabbed him in the leg during an argument.

You do get crazy exes.

Bluntness100 · 04/09/2017 18:00

She was crackers and he was glad to get rid but now he's texting her out of friendship saying that he was thinking about her?

And you can see anything contradictory about that at all?

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