Why do vile people always seem to thrive in life?

[LibbyLouLah]

An ex friend of mine is a very manipulative, spiteful person who speaks her mind (ie says nasty things), and has tantrums and falls out with friends all the time if things don't go her way. In the time I've known her she has literally fallen out with every single mutual friend. I know a couple of her colleagues too and they moan about her and say she's nasty and unpleasant to work with and is unpopular at work, and doesn't actually do much work when she's there! She is still on my Facebook friends as I realised what she is like and distanced myself from her so there was minimal drama.

She absolutely bloody thrives in life! Despite falling out with various people on a weekly basis she seemingly always has new 'besties' to hang around with and go for weekends away with and have nights out with. She seems to get promotion after promotion at work. She seems to have pots of cash despite doing a job that isn't particularly well paid, and is part time, and always has the best of everything.

Basically despite being very unpopular and not very pleasant, she always lands on her feet!

I've known a few other people in the past that have been like this too; both were actually ex colleagues of mine and neither were very nice. Both were very unpopular, lazy at work and crap at their jobs, and fell out with people all the time. Yet they too had groups and groups of new friends all the time, got promoted at work, and just generally lived very charmed lives!

Why is is that this happens? It's annoying!

They often have very thick skins and don't get dragged down in stuff unless it's to their advantage and are often quite prepared to screw people financially , see Donald trump for details

Because they have no conscience and can turn on the charm as and when it's needed.

Because they are not held back by scruples. So they take every opportunity they can without regard for the feelings of others. It can get you far as long as the pond you're in is big enough. Too small a pond and the repercussions come back on you.

I'm in a situation at work right now where a colleague has done something wrong (not unethical, just an error) and it would make my life a whole lot easier if I threw her under the bus for it.
But I won't. I'll sort it out and deal with it because her boss is just one of these people and would make her life hell.

Also karma doesn't exist. Have a read about game theory if you're interested.

Following. I'd also love to know!

She's likely living off credit cards. Cut her out of your life and don't look back.

If you scratch just a little beneath the surface these people are often very lonely. They often succeed financially because most other people generally try to keep on their good side to avoid becoming the target. When they get old and incapable though will people love and care for them?

I'm not sure they do. But if so, it's probably because she concentrates on what she wants more of eg if she wants loads of friends, she puts herself out there to attain that (even though she probably moves on quickly so I would question how genuine those friendships are.) She obviously puts herself forward for promotions and ensures she gets paid for it.

She must be doing something right even if you don't personally like her as generally people don't get friends and jobs and money by sitting at home waiting for someone to knock the door.

The absolute worst person I know always comes up smelling of roses, whatever happens to her. Even when everything seems to go wrong, she comes out of it way better than she did to start with. I agree with all the above - thick skinned and utterly self centred so things just seem to bounce off her. When her friends abandon her because they can't bear her any more she just finds new friends and repeats the cycle. She has the worst brass neck I've ever encountered and takes whatever she can get. I've had to cut her out of my life because I was sick of her taking advantage and perpetually furious at her selfish antics.

yes, not being held back by scruples or conscience.

Others are scared of being a target of their anger.

Hairq, it sounds as though we know the same person! She always falls out with friends, literally a falling out with someone every couple of weeks and then just picks up new friends.

It's odd because we live in a reasonably small town, but she just seems to find these people from somewhere.

Just watching on as I know one of these people in my life and I have no idea how they do it either.

Ah...I know plenty of people (even friends) like this. My guess is that they are full of confidence and people are attracted to it. They don't let things bother them or things hold them back. They are thick skinned and never feel guilty about anything. They can be really fun for a short time until they don't get their own way

I'm not sure that they do 'thrive' to be honest. All the people I've known like this are very insecure and lacking in self awareness/ emotional intelligence. Whilst they may be making some money, what are they using this to buy... so often the 'nice things' are simply filling a void. This woman's outward persona may be hiding a multitude of internal chaos along with a superficial existence.

I don't think they do. They might appear to, but they don't, deep down.

My ex is utterly vile and for a while, it looked like he had his life together. Now he lives with his 20-odd year old "girlfriend" and her mother, works for minimum wage and doesn't see any of his children.

Pathetic, if you ask me. I think it catches up with them all sooner or later.

I've noticed this too, I have a family member who is a toxic bully, yet some people fawn over her. The nicest, kindest people usually get shat upon from a great height.

What Anecdoche said ... spot on

On a similar vein I see this a lot in the banking world in which I work. I'm pretty smart and pick things up very quickly - I've had a number of different roles and do quite well but I'm not in a senior position as I've always lacked confidence.
In every role I've had, I've worked with people at my level or above who are, quite frankly, shit at their jobs. But they think they're great and they excel, managing to bullshit their way up the ladder. They get away with it because they have people like me behind the scenes sorting out their shit. It infuriates me especially now the President of the United States is one of those people!!

I know someone similar. She is one of the most selfish people yet always has people bending over backwards for her.

Lots of CEOs of big companies have sociopathic type tendencies.They prosper as they are ruthless and don't care about others-they wouldn't give a thought to making people redundant etc.
I see Trump has already been mentioned-great example.
However surely being a good person who treats others well is also a way of being a successful one? It all depends on what you value.

They sound like they have the classic traits of a sociopath.

Crosspost @Mrskeats

Going through similar at the moment. No answers but a lot of empathy

anatidae what game theory books do you recommend?

Sociopaths/narcissistic personality disordered people are experts at 'spin', creating an enviable image, presenting a facade of themselves. Social media is their ideal tool. You know what they are really like underneath. When they get found out they take revenge with character assassination to cover their tracks, spreading rumours and lies to deflect scrutiny away from themselves, then move on to charm new unsuspecting people.

Don't believe everything you hear/read. Image is everything with them.