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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Relationship is dead to me

30 replies

Miserable9 · 04/09/2017 13:53

I have been with this guy who at the beginning told me a pack of lies which I was unaware of. He said he had come from a rich family, owned the apartment in london and property abroad, had a great job and really tried to assure me of how capable he was of taking care of me even offering to cook/ buy meals out and giving a lot as he knew I was a struggling single mum with very little in support or financially. I never once asked for financial help from him but he offered and made it seem he could not only take care of me but also my kids. We spent evening drinking wines, laughing and having a great time.

Things were going well the only down fall was his angry bursts each morning never at me but at life. As time went on these anger bursts changed focus. He became angry if my kids had made a mess in the morning or the service at the coffee shop and eventually it turned on me.

Each morning everything about me was targeted, my face, house work, what I said , what I did, everything imaginable.

Im at the stage where I've had enough and have felt this way for a long time. But he refuses to leave saying I owe him for what he has spent on me, if I try leave the house he says he will burn it down, and if I don't go will keep shouting about what a bitch he thinks I am repeatedly saying the things he thinks I do wrong and that I'm mental.

I thought with a chance things would change but the lies, anger and total disrespect never changed. He now asked me to even though I may know just say yes when he tells me something and don't show him I don't trust him. I said I will not say okey and be quiet if I feel I am being lied to. And there is a hell of a lot of lies.

The latest major problem which to me is so little. We were in bed and he pushed his leg into my side I moved to edge of bed where he persisted to push his knee furthur to my back, then also pushed his arm over mine leaving no room, I was at end of bed and very tired, I asked him to moved his arm so he bent it over my pillow leaving no space for my head. After again having to repeatedly asked him to move his arm he stored off to sleep on sofa. The next day he made lots of noises of pleasure in the bathroom as if doing something , why would I need to hear with window open. Then acted normal all day. That evening he said if I said sorry and apologised as i was wrong the night before then we can be okey. I said I was waiting for an apology from him for his behaviour and the swearing he did that night. There was no way I was going to apologise and be responsible for having done nothing but want my space in bed. Today he shouted to fuck off after pointing out his behaviour. Ive left him to it prob cheating again but I don't care nomore. Just want to be alone and he wont go.

OP posts:
LineysRun · 04/09/2017 13:57

Hi, OP. Given that he's abusive and threatening you, you are perfectly entitled to seek police assistance on this.

Have you ever spoken to Women's Aid for advice and support?

hellsbellsmelons · 04/09/2017 13:59

OK - 1st call 0808 2000 247
Womens Aid can help you here.
As for the threats. Keep a log of everything.
Keep a log of all his outbursts - everything.
Please call 101 and ask them for advice regarding the threats and being unable to remove him from your property.
Do it fast.
This is massively escalating and you will be harmed very soon if you don't get him gone.
Get all the local support services you can on your side right now.
He's an abusive bully and you will need the above services to help you remove him for good.

hellsbellsmelons · 04/09/2017 14:02

And I'm very pleased you started your own thread.
Big first step - now take the next ones and do it fast.
The lessons your DC are learning from this piece of shite are not good.
Get him gone.

XJerseyGirlX · 04/09/2017 14:11

OP, can you search the thread below and have a read. I think it will help you to see how strong this woman become after she got rid x

What are my options to remove BF?

XJerseyGirlX · 04/09/2017 14:16

Thanks Lineys, I think it will help OP x

AlternativeTentacle · 04/09/2017 14:33

What is the house situation - are you in a rented place or do you have a mortgage at all?

Boatmistress17 · 04/09/2017 14:36

Lock yourself in the bathroom now and phone the police. . Before someone you know is asked to identify your body. .

Miserable9 · 04/09/2017 21:47

he has almost slashed my phone up the screen only works sometimes, the car windscreen is cracked from him thumping it, he's tried to break the front door by repeatedly banging it, he's banged car door repeated til it wouldn't shut without fixing, smashed up 5 phones of his phones and then started on mine which we now have been sharing and most of time he's using it not me, I am afraid to tell anyone as I feel it will get worse and I can't face what might happen next if i leave him and he will do many things like take the car which I really on for loads, I have a faulty heart and getting tests done so out of breath easily and I can't imagine how I will maintain without it albeit anything is better than this, the neighbours called police two days ago but I never told them much as I was afraid they'd call social service s and take away my kid ive had a history of dv and if I say I went back into another one how will anyone trust my judgement

OP posts:
Miserable9 · 04/09/2017 21:50

He was shouting outside about me so loud that I am a crazy bitch, so much shouting and I kept everyone in upstairs but I ended up in front garden ready to drive off when police came , he says he will kill me but then says he was just angry, he lies all the time but gets angry when I dont trust him

OP posts:
LineysRun · 04/09/2017 21:59

Please, miserable9, save yourself and your child.

Pur yourself into the care of the police now. Sod the car. Sod him. Get safe.

meyourelookingfor · 04/09/2017 22:06

You need to get out now.

Try and. Find a way to make that happen as soon as you can safely.

Leaving will be the most dangerous time.

Please phone Woman's Aid.

Miserable9 · 04/09/2017 22:08

I don't want to lose my son and he's in uk illegally he said if I call police and he gets sent back he will come back find and kill me for it

OP posts:
SonicBoomBoom · 04/09/2017 22:08

You need to speak to the police and tell them everything. Call the non-emergency number and ask to speak with someone from the domestic abuse team.

Miserable9 · 04/09/2017 22:09

I am very scared Ive already lost one of my kids the older ones whose dad took him over one thing

OP posts:
Miserable9 · 04/09/2017 22:10

He will kill me if I tell police and social service will take my kid

OP posts:
Miserable9 · 04/09/2017 22:12

I cant lose my son so was trying to get him to go quietly

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Miserable9 · 04/09/2017 22:12

He did illegal stuff and will blame me too

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Miserable9 · 04/09/2017 22:13

I cant live without my kid I just cant

OP posts:
SonicBoomBoom · 04/09/2017 22:14

He won't go quietly.

You need to involve the police. You cannot do this on your own. You just can't.

If you try, I seriously think we may hear about you on the news in a few weeks as yet another woman who's been killed by her partner.

Please, just speak to the police.

Miserable9 · 04/09/2017 22:15

I think your the right

OP posts:
Miserable9 · 04/09/2017 22:16

When he's mad many times he said he could kill me but he never tried only words

OP posts:
Miserable9 · 04/09/2017 22:17

He dont love me don't care so why won't he go whats he gain from staying near someone who hates his guts

OP posts:
meyourelookingfor · 04/09/2017 22:27

Please be brave and contact the police. Social services can't just take your child away.

Miserable9 · 04/09/2017 22:28

But he will find and kill me if I do it

OP posts: