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What are my options to remove BF?

(815 Posts)
NachoAddict Wed 09-Aug-17 10:26:03

I have posted several times about my BF and had pretty unanimous LTB. I have tried several times to get rid of him and I always end up feeling sorry when he cries and begs and so I back down.

Well the latest incident was him using the Dog Cam to watch me while he is out of the house.

I have had enough and told him on repeat, I don't want to be with him. The kids were in the house last night so I didn't make a scene, I asked him to leave, he wouldn't go so I just left it. I refused to speak to him other than to repeat that I don't want to be with him and I need him to leave.

I am at work now until 2, I have asked him to be gone when I get back. The kids are at holiday club until 6 so I have the perfect opportunity to deal with it without them witnessing a scene but what are my actual options?
If he still refuses to go what can I actually do?
It is my house, he has no claim on it, pays nothing etc. Is this something I can bother the police with or will they dismiss it as a domestic?

MandateMandy Wed 09-Aug-17 10:42:18

Are they his children too? Does he provide child care?

If not, you should be able to get rid of him by providing him with notice that you want him gone. If he refuses you may have to apply to a sheriff for an order. The police might help but more likely to if you have an order. However after a reasonable amount of notice I believe that you can change the locks once he does leave the house.

If they are his children and he is their carer it might be more complicated. If he can show he has contributed he might have occupancy rights.

Having said all of that, filming you in secret is potentially an offence. If you are prepared to report it, it could help your case.

Woman's Aid might be able to advise.

TalkinBoutNuthin Wed 09-Aug-17 10:55:57

He is like a lodger, not a tenant, and only has right to reasonable notice.

If you've asked him to leave, and he hasn't, you are well within your rights to change the locks on him and not let him back into the house.

Nottalotta Wed 09-Aug-17 10:57:30

Yes, you don't need to serve notice. Change the locks.

Dailystuck71 Wed 09-Aug-17 10:57:42

Change the locks? Leave his stuff outside. I don't know if that is an option but given you've said he has no rights to your house, it may well be.

NachoAddict Wed 09-Aug-17 11:09:10

Not his kids and he doesn't contribute to the household in any significant way, the odd bit of shopping etc.

He doesn't actually live there but he refuses to go home, sulks if I ask him etc.

The problem with putting his stuff outside is that as soon as I gather it up he snatches it out of my hands and puts it back, its ridiculous.

AlpacaLipsNow Wed 09-Aug-17 11:17:14

Do you have any burly mates or mate's husbands to back you up while you chuck him out?

AlternativeTentacle Wed 09-Aug-17 11:20:23

When is he likely to actually leave the house?

Can you buy a new barrel for the lock, and the moment he leaves, change the locks and shove his shite out the window?

NachoAddict Wed 09-Aug-17 11:22:26

He only leaves the house whilst I am in work apart from on the weekends when I am off he has to go out then. that's why I am so keen to get rid of him today while the kids aren't about. I don't want them seeing a big dramatic scene.

I could ask my brother to come up and escort him I guess.

Slimthistime Wed 09-Aug-17 11:22:34

what, so he has somewhere else to go?

stuff outside, change locks. Have a friend with you for moral support.

He can only stand in the street making a scene for so long. He can't call the police because he hasn't been thrown out of his home.

You put all his stuff outside while he's out - when does he go out?

stupid question, sorry - what's a dog cam, how did he use it to watch you?

Slimthistime Wed 09-Aug-17 11:24:18

oh cross post, he doesn't leave the house

yes, ask your brother. Point out calmly that the legal position is that he has somewhere else to go.

If you know you are going to do this and your brother is with you, book the locksmith so the work is being done while the STBX is there.

TheLegendOfBeans Wed 09-Aug-17 11:24:35

The definition of madness is doing the same thing again and again and expecting the same result.

So its time to get your brother on bird I'd say.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme Wed 09-Aug-17 11:24:38

Have someone come round and help you. Then tell him to get out. Bag up his stuff when he's gone - he can collect it from the doorstep later.

TheLegendOfBeans Wed 09-Aug-17 11:24:44


Mushroomburger17 Wed 09-Aug-17 11:27:15

Just do it for him. Pack all his stuff and drop it to his house. Get rid of all of his stuff. Don't answer the door to him and if he enters your property call the police.

Sounds like a waste of time if you keep feeling sorry for him and giving him another chance.

Dancinginthemidnight Wed 09-Aug-17 11:27:51

Yes ask your Brother to help kick him out and change the locks. If he doesn't even live with you he has no rights. Good luck.

AlternativeTentacle Wed 09-Aug-17 11:28:09

He only leaves the house whilst I am in work

Take tomorrow off, get your bro whilst pretending to go to work, get a new barrel for the lock, wait til he leaves the house, go in, change the barrel, and then chuck his shite out of the window.

XJerseyGirlX Wed 09-Aug-17 11:28:51

Tell him you want him out via message ( so you have proof) if he is still there when you get back then call the police and say someone is in your house and wont leave. Im sure he will go then xx

NachoAddict Wed 09-Aug-17 11:34:02

I hadn't thought of getting the locks changed while he was there but there is no reason I can't that's a good idea. I think having my brother there will help, he is less likely to create a scene.

He has somewhere to go yes. I wouldn't just throw him on the street.

A doggy cam is a web cam that I had set up to watch the dog while I am at work. he has downloaded the app onto his phone to watch me while I am out.

NachoAddict Wed 09-Aug-17 11:39:09

I have been replying to his emails all day with just a single sentence. I don't want to be with you.

I expanded that on the last one with - I don't want to be with you, I want you and all of your belongings out of my house before I get home.

If I need to involve the police does that cover me? Its such a nightmare, I don't want to hurt him and I feel bad doing so but I can't cope with his behaviour anymore, I don't love him and I just want him gone.

XJerseyGirlX Wed 09-Aug-17 11:41:46

Yes that will cover you. Its your home and if someone is there and wont leave then they will definitely come for that.

You may think its harmless but someone refusing to go when you've asked them to leave your property is him knowing he has some control over you and using that to pressure you. Not a nice thing to do and not a nice person.

moonpie11 Wed 09-Aug-17 11:42:09

I had to do this with an abusive ex. Take the day off of work but don't tell him, go out as if you're going to work then once he's out the house go back in and throw his stuff outside and change the locks. Get your brother to come even though your partner will be out just in the off chance he comes back and for support. Once the locks are changed, lock up the house and go out with the kids for the night because he won't be happy when he first comes back and you don't want your kids to have to witness that. It also means that you won't need to put up with any of the crap he might give you when he realises he's out.

Slimthistime Wed 09-Aug-17 11:43:12

Nacho "If I need to involve the police does that cover me?"

you mean legally? I'm pretty sure you have no legalities to worry about. You are not joint owners, you are not the landlady - there's no written lodging agreement, I presume, as you say he doesn't officially live there.

so his council tax address will be his actual home? I am not a lawyer but I would bet money that there are no legalities for you to worry about.

EmmaJR1 Wed 09-Aug-17 11:44:19

This is domestic abuse and the police will deal with it. You have a person in your home harming you mentally and is refusing to leave. Snatching things from you is physical. Ask him to leave then call the police when he doesn't.

Cocklodger Wed 09-Aug-17 11:45:08

Honestly unless you're breaking a law of some kind you don't need covering. You could just change the locks, leave his stuff outside and be in the clear. It is really that simple.
Is he likely to make false allegations?

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