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Original poster

Online dating - weird feeling?

59 replies

SuzukiLi · 04/09/2017 12:59

I've been talking to a guy for a few weeks and for some reason I have a weird feeling but have no idea why. He's nice, older than me, really keen to meet me but at the same time is letting me control the pace and not applying any pressure at all, earns his own money and generally just cares about me and messages me everyday to see how my day has been.
I just feel weird. I know a lot of it is probably to do with me never really having any healthy relationships and am not used to someone just being nice but I'm unsure how to go forward. I enjoy talking to him, and he even wants to FaceTime to prove he's who he says he is and for us to talk over the phone. I don't really know if I should ignore this reluctance or to just carry on for a few more weeks and see if it goes! What would you do?

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 04/09/2017 12:59

Go to the dating thread and seek enlightenment from the very experienced online daters

Heyx · 04/09/2017 13:01

I would arrange to meet him for a quick coffee asap. I don't see the point in talking for a few more weeks without meeting.

Original poster
SuzukiLi · 04/09/2017 13:04

Can't meet for a little while yet as he's going away for a month and I'm about to start uni. I'm just happy chatting for the minute but still have this weird feeling

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IToldYouIWasFreaky · 04/09/2017 13:14

I'd never chat to anyone for more than a week or so before meeting. I've done it in the past and always end up getting over-invested in someone I have never met. There's always the risk that you won't get on IRL as well as you do by message so it's either a huge let down, or worse, you let things go on for longer than they should.
In your situation I think the best thing to do is to stop chatting until you are able to meet. Fix a date, then focus on starting uni and try and put him out of your head until you meet.

And always, always listen to your gut. If you think something is off, it probably is.

catfished · 04/09/2017 13:15

Can I ask you to read my thread... don't be me. I've learned the hard way

Original poster
SuzukiLi · 04/09/2017 13:17

Which thread is yours? I don't think he's a catfish as he's quite eager to face time me tonight

OP posts:
OlderGolder · 04/09/2017 13:20

He doesnt care about you so stop right there.
You havent met.
You dont know him.

An on line correspondence is never more than that. Even if you meet and click it's a coincidence, it's a gear change. On l8ne correspondence isnt the first stage of a real relationship

catfished · 04/09/2017 13:23

Yeah so was mine. Sent me videos too. Pushed meeting up. Wasn't him

OlderGolder · 04/09/2017 13:24

I agree with catfish dont waste your time investing in to something that isnt real life.

Ive never had awful experience like catfish but several times ive experienced that fake intimacy only to meet and feel the bubble burst and feel embarrassed by my own overshare.

An online "intimacy" is more to do with the side you choose to portray. It's controlled, contained, measured, guarded, compartmentalised, distant, avoidant, fantasy-fuelled...... it aint real.

OlderGolder · 04/09/2017 13:26

You were so unlucky catfish. I hope you dont get so put off meeting anybody ever again. The worst ive ever had is men shorter than they claim. And older. But now i do that subtraction and addition b4 i meet them! Nothing crazy or dangerous.

Original poster
SuzukiLi · 04/09/2017 13:26

Should I stop talking to him until we can meet then? I feel like that's a bit unfair, I wouldn't like if it someone did that to me.

OP posts:
catfished · 04/09/2017 13:29

Don't give out any personal info until you know exactly who you're dealing with

Chatting away innocently its very easy to do. Especially when you're trying to get to know someone

Any flag... is a flag

Original poster
SuzukiLi · 04/09/2017 13:31

I haven't. We really just chat about quite mundane stuff such as what we're having for tea, what work was like etc. He's asked lots of questions about me such as music taste, movies I like and such but nothing personal. He hasn't said anything at all I would consider a red flag I just have this feeling I can't shake but I think it's more tondow it's my issues than him.

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catfished · 04/09/2017 13:35

I think another problem with chatting for long is it allows someone to build up a different picture in their mind of your relationship. When they actually do meet you they can behave over familiar or you can... and even if entirely innocent... ruin it altogether before it starts.

Everyone tries to impress to begin with.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 04/09/2017 13:36

I am not saying just suddenly stop talking to him! Just explain that as you are unable to meet for a month or so, you feel it's best to cut back on the chatting so that neither of you gets too carried away before meeting. If he's a decent bloke and really wants to meet you, then he'll understand and make plans for when he's free.
What's stopped you meeting before now?

Original poster
SuzukiLi · 04/09/2017 13:38

I have a child so getting free time is really difficult for me. He's been very understanding though as he works away in the week and is home at weekends

OP posts:
catfished · 04/09/2017 13:40

Which allows perfectly for him to be a married guy having an affair

Or... is exactly as he's told you.

No way to actually know without verifying who he is IRL and then checking further

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 04/09/2017 13:43

FWIW, I met my current boyfriend on Tinder. We arranged a date after chatting for a couple of days, once we'd established that we got on well enough to make it worthwhile. We had our first date less than a week after matching.
It's probably the shortest "match to date" time I've ever had OLD, and I was doing it for a couple of years on and off! And it's also the longest OLD relationship I have ever had and I don't think that those things are unrelated. We got to know each other properly, in real life and face to face and the messages and calls in between just supported that.

Emmageddon · 04/09/2017 13:44

How much older is he?

I would push to meet up sooner rather than later, it doesn't have to be a date as such, just a quick coffee or a walk round a park. Just to see if he's who he says he is, and not some bored, middle-aged married man, looking to boost his ego by chatting to a younger woman.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 04/09/2017 13:44

Have you done some online research on him? Checked his LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter etc?

Original poster
SuzukiLi · 04/09/2017 13:45

Maybe I should just give up Sad
I never have any luck where men are concerned

OP posts:
Original poster
SuzukiLi · 04/09/2017 13:53

He's 38 I'm 24

OP posts:
catfished · 04/09/2017 13:57

That's 14 years older than you. Seems rather fishy why a 38 year old (whose usually married/divorced/starting a family) at that age would be interested in someone who's that much younger

He may be innocent and lovely

But that would concern me hugely along with the working away in the week only home at weekends

Boatmistress17 · 04/09/2017 13:59

Going away for a month would be a red flag to me. .
To keep you hanging once he has sucked you well in more like. ... Please Google his name and area and see what you find. .
Let us know!!

Original poster
SuzukiLi · 04/09/2017 14:00

I only date older guys. He did at first think it might be an issue but is willing to see. He has no kids but has always wanted some but never found the right person.
I suppose the thing that makes me feel weird is that he's 38 and never found that person. I guess that makes me think there's something wrong with him which I know is silly.

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