Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Online dating - weird feeling?

59 replies

SuzukiLi · 04/09/2017 12:59

I've been talking to a guy for a few weeks and for some reason I have a weird feeling but have no idea why. He's nice, older than me, really keen to meet me but at the same time is letting me control the pace and not applying any pressure at all, earns his own money and generally just cares about me and messages me everyday to see how my day has been.
I just feel weird. I know a lot of it is probably to do with me never really having any healthy relationships and am not used to someone just being nice but I'm unsure how to go forward. I enjoy talking to him, and he even wants to FaceTime to prove he's who he says he is and for us to talk over the phone. I don't really know if I should ignore this reluctance or to just carry on for a few more weeks and see if it goes! What would you do?

OP posts:
catfished · 04/09/2017 14:11

Remember it's very easy to airbrush things we're not yet comfortable to share...

My time out of work is always worded as "didn't have suitable childcare" and never as "suffered a massive MH crisis"

Not having found the right person... could be true. But it's also the classic line to not share any further on the nit and grit of our lives

AppleBosom · 04/09/2017 14:11

he is way too old and after sex. he sounds married.
facetime doesn't mean he isnt catfish. you do not actually know anything concrete about him.
i would end it there.

AppleBosom · 04/09/2017 14:13

never found the right person? thats a massive excuse. he is hiding the truth be it that he is married or extremly fussy.
i think its unhealthy the way you only date older guys..theyre not necessarily mature just because they have wrinkled..

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 04/09/2017 14:16

Has he never had a LTR? That would worry me at the age of 38!
And yes, the living away during week thing does scream "married" to me too! Please do some due diligence on this guy!

MiniTheMinx · 04/09/2017 14:22

I have read stories here and elsewhere, and there are all sorts of outcomes.

I have read of women who have been groomed into thinking there is a real connection and it's already a relationship so they drop their guard. I've read stories that suggest too much familiarity leads to huge expectations. Guys who think it's fair game and women who are left hurt. Equally you meet after weeks and feel it's been a complete let down. But, I've also read stories and know someone who met their DH after months of online conversation. They are happy. She moved to o be with him.

Age, well if you like older men. The fact he's on his own doesn't mean he's a reject. Maybe he just hasn't met someone he really wanted to settle with. Ask him.

The only worry I would have is this, if you two can't make time to meet up for a first date, what time do you both have to devote to forming a proper relationship?

Heyx · 04/09/2017 14:28

He may well be perfectly fine but what's the point in chatting online for another month then meeting and not liking him on sight? I drove past a man I arranged a date with and just in a split second from the car my heart sank as I knew he was not my type. I did meet him for an hour out of politeness but it was a waste of time. Do not invest any more of your time and energy in this until you have met.

Original poster
SuzukiLi · 04/09/2017 14:29

I might just see how this FaceTime goes and go from there. To be honest, I'm not in any rush to meet.

OP posts:
catfished · 04/09/2017 14:34

Just keep your wits about you. Not in a hurry to meet, much younger, doesn't care that he's not got time for a relationship in the week...

May translate as: NSA sex available here

It might not of course. Depends entirely on who he actually is.

Original poster
SuzukiLi · 04/09/2017 14:37

I think I'll just tell him I'm not interested

OP posts:
Trills · 04/09/2017 14:38

To be honest, I'm not in any rush to meet.

If you intend for the relationship to eventually be one that takes place in person, you should want to meet up, to minimise your potential wasted time.

There is no substitute for meeting in person.

Boatmistress17 · 04/09/2017 14:41

Have you Googled his name op?
I was rehoming a dog (trying to and failed) a man started messaging me, all nice. . Googled his name and he had an animal cruelty conviction against him. . If I hadn't Googled him I prob would have let him have the dog.
I called him out on it and he stopped messaging. .

Original poster
SuzukiLi · 04/09/2017 14:43

Yeah there's nothing. No Facebook account either.

OP posts:
catfished · 04/09/2017 14:46

That in itself is fishy.

I met someone who is probably very nice. They don't have a fb account. However they do have an online record they exist in the profession they disclosed and 192 seems to suggest they live roughly in the area they disclosed.

Catfish however had nothing

Boatmistress17 · 04/09/2017 14:47

Weird to be absolutely nothing. . .
What about 192 online? Gives name, age bracket and street in area. If nothing shows there he has likely given you false info which is another red flag.

Original poster
SuzukiLi · 04/09/2017 14:51

Not heard of it! I'll have a look

OP posts:
Original poster
SuzukiLi · 04/09/2017 14:51

Oh you have to pay for it...

OP posts:
Boatmistress17 · 04/09/2017 14:53

You can look through pages and pages of basic details for free. . I have pinpointed loads of people just using that bit!!

Original poster
SuzukiLi · 04/09/2017 14:53

It won't let me do anything with out paying 14.99

OP posts:
Boatmistress17 · 04/09/2017 14:56

Just type
192
Into Google. .
Comes up with
m.192
Click that one. I have just tried it and it let me in!!

Original poster
SuzukiLi · 04/09/2017 15:00

That's the one I've done. It just tells me name, which I already know, a rough age bracket and the county he lives in. Won't tell me any lore than that.

OP posts:
Original poster
SuzukiLi · 04/09/2017 15:06

Oh I've found some things that back him up.

OP posts:
MiniTheMinx · 04/09/2017 15:21

192 online also lists other occupants, and the dates.

Samsara123 · 04/09/2017 15:28

Has he said what he's doing for this month away?

Original poster
SuzukiLi · 04/09/2017 15:40

Holiday

OP posts:
Samsara123 · 04/09/2017 15:54

My experience of OLD wasn't great, messaging back and forth can mean diddly squat as I found out the hard way. I agree with PP, the sooner you can meet up the better, it's just so easy to get over invested. I'd give it a break until you're both available for a meet up.