There's a massive back story as me and dp have for a long time struggled to not argue about nearly everything but I need to just get the current thing out as it's really upset me.
When I first met DP I had a DD from a previous relationship, because I was a SAHM until she was around 5 I hadn't really had a career but was working a job that suited me in terms of hours, the wage was around 15k so not much but it was enough to pay my half of the bills with DP, save a couple hundred a month and still live a decent/comfortable lifestyle.
Anyway me and DP have been together a few years when last year I fell pregnant, it wasn't fully planned but we both was happy. DP wanted me to be a SAHM, I wasn't sure at first as I'd got used to having my own money and being financially independent. Id left a previous relationship with nothing due to being a SAHM so I was nervous.
DP made 2 promises when I was pregnant, 1 being that if I gave up my job to care for the baby we would open a joint bank account so I would feel like I still had some money etc. I still wasn't sure.
Then work made 5 redundancies out of only 8 staff, I had a frank conversation with my boss and she said the business was failing, they was in a lot of debt and they were thinking of closing down, this was around a month before I was due to go on maternity leave, they assured me I'd get my SMP but said they wasn't sure what was gunna come of the business over the next 6 months.
I had some pregnancy related illness and was really stressed with a bunch of other stuff going on so I took my maternity leave a month early, I felt like I was in a really vulnerable position and DP started again about making the decision to be a SAHM so I agreed. Whilst on maternity leave I handed in my notice.
Now DD is 8 months old, and DP has made me feel so unequal, inadequate and I don't feel part of any decision making anymore.
In February I asked for us to sort the joint account, he told me he had changed his mind, instead of a joint account he would give me £200 a month to cover some of the shopping and anything I needed for myself, my daughter and baby. I said but this wasn't what we agreed and I didn't feel it was fair that I would have no control over finances and that he knew that was a big thing to me before deciding to leave my job, so instead I've been using my savings for myself and just let him pay the bills/shopping/etc.
Coincidently he's had big progression in his job and has gone from around 20k to 33k. Since this his changed, I can't put my finger on why but he makes me feel worthless, any decisions that get made he keeps separate from me and they all fall down to "well I'm paying the bills".
He had a bad credit rating due to debt, he has very recently sorted this so wants to get something big on finance, I said in my opinion it was a bad idea, and this has caused a massive argument. Where again I've been reminded I'm the gf who stays at home and looks after the baby not makes decisions on how he spends his wage.
We need to move soon and today I brought up something regarding this, he turned it back to the argument about getting something on finance.
Anyway today he snapped at me and said
"You're just jealous cause my life is progressing and yours ain't"
So I took my older DD and walked out, we've come to the cinema where I've had tears stream down my face cause him saying that has summed up exactly how he's been making me feel for the past 7months.
I've told him he makes me feel inadequate to him and I've tried saying that we should be a team and that he wouldn't be able to balance work as easy if he had to be childcare as well as me if I went back to work.
But he's changed so much since DD has been born, I love being a SAHM to her but I feel broken inside because I don't have a income I'm worthless.
I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to go home to him, I don't even know if I want to be with him anymore.
Sorry for the long ramble, and if it don't make sense. I think I just needed to get it out and don't have anyone in RL to talk to.