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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fucking Men !

60 replies

CremeFresh · 03/09/2017 10:44

I feel so depressed, what is it with men ? I've had to employ a builder, he came round to my house , gave me a quote , I agreed to the price , so far so good. He sent one of his men round who did the work, he came back to inspect it and collect the money. We got chatting about a project he is doing that I could possibly help him with , I made him a coffee and then he went.

Since then he has bombarded me with texts- 'Morning gorgeous' 'what you doing today' etc. I didn't reply and then my phone pinged again, I knew exactly what it would say and sure enough it was from him and said 'Have I upset you?' I didn't reply. He has continued to text about the project, which I now feel unable to do ( pissed off because I could really do with the money).

I had another load of texts early
Hours of this morning asking if I'm awake, fancy a chat etc.

He's married Angry . His poor wife.

Why do men do this ?? Fucking knob.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 03/09/2017 10:47

Most men don't behave like this. You're unreasonable to generalise.

I'd tell him you want him to behave in a professional way towards you because you're work colleagues, nothing more and you'll have to drop out of the project if he won't respect your boundaries.

Original poster
CremeFresh · 03/09/2017 10:54

I know it's not all men but he's such a cliche. He's even moaned about his wife being boring. I'm waiting for him to say she doesn't understand him .

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/09/2017 10:56

From the sticky at the top of the Relationships thread:-

I really want to debunk the myth that all men are bastards. They simply aren't. If you feel that all the men you meet are, it's because you are unconsciously sending out vibes to these men. They can spot a target a mile off.

Anasnake · 03/09/2017 10:57

Don't reply, block his number

Original poster
CremeFresh · 03/09/2017 11:02

I haven't led him on if that's what you're saying. I just talked to him like a normal person and not all men I meet are like this , I should have thought of a better title for the thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
CremeFresh · 03/09/2017 11:04

I hate the thought that I may have sent out 'vibes' .

OP posts:
garud · 03/09/2017 11:11

I think the quote Attila has given is more about repeatedly finding yourself in relationships that follow a similar (dysfunctional) pattern, rather than giving out 'vibes' to any randomer that then decided to hit on you. YANBU to expect to be able to talk normally to a married man (or unmarried) without then having to fend off unwelcome advances. He should have got the hint when his first message was ignored (well, as he is married, he shouldn't have sent the first inappropriate message).

Original poster
CremeFresh · 03/09/2017 11:17

I have been single for a long time , I like being single, I'm not looking for a relationship and certainly haven't had a string of dysfunctional ones.

OP posts:
garud · 03/09/2017 11:20

I didn't mean my post to suggest that you had, I was trying to distinguish between your position and what Attila was quoting, to show it didn't apply to you. I didn't want you to blame yourself for the actions of a sleaze.

Original poster
CremeFresh · 03/09/2017 11:27

Thankyou , I did feel as if I was being blamed . I just think that he's married and shouldn't be have this way.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 03/09/2017 11:29

Of course he shouldn't be behaving this way. You can't do anything about that-you can only control how you react to it.

thisfamily · 03/09/2017 11:29

Consider that something in your upbringing our history conditioned you to unconsciously look for certain types of men.
My advice is know yourself (through therapy) and read a lot about what healthy relationships are including the red flags, that should tell you not to go there. It would help you to recognise these. Read Lundy Bancroft: "Why does he do that?". This guy list a lot of dysfunctional behaviours.

AlternativeTentacle · 03/09/2017 11:34

What happened when you told him the first time that he has got hold of the wrong end of the stick, and you have no interest in him in any way shape or form?

I must say I have never ever had any workman in my house attempt this shit with me.

garud · 03/09/2017 11:35

thisfamily are you posting on the right thread? Your post reads like a complete non-sequitur. This thread has nothing to do with looking for men.

Original poster
CremeFresh · 03/09/2017 11:40

When he said his wife was boring , I told him was reading from a script and that he should tell her , not me. I expect she's perfectly lovely and not boring at all.

I am not Looking for any type of man !! I had a normal conversation about building and houses , I didn't talk about anything personal regarding my life at all. I am able
To have conversations with lots of men and not have them come on to me !

OP posts:
HollyBuckets · 03/09/2017 11:40

I know what you mean OP and YANBU. And that quotation from the forum sticky was victim blaming and unnecessary.

Sure, not all men are bastards but all men benefit from a culture that blames women for sending out the wrong vibes.

Your builder has behaved really inappropriately and you cannot and should not be blamed for that.

AhNowTed · 03/09/2017 11:41

OP I know exactly what you mean.

I thought I had fuck off tattooed on my forehead, but some men mistake friendliness for the come-on. It's ridiculous.

Wait for the 'oh you're just a fucking prick tease' to round off the cliche.

Original poster
CremeFresh · 03/09/2017 11:42

That's my thoughts exactly Holly

OP posts:
Original poster
CremeFresh · 03/09/2017 11:43

I hate to think that women have to watch what they say just in case it's taken as a bloody come on .

OP posts:
yetmorecrap · 03/09/2017 11:45

I agree about friendliness being mistaken and I think it can work vice Versa too, ha, 'his wife is boring'. Nope, she is probably bored of him and his geezer ways!!!

thisfamily · 03/09/2017 11:48

soz garud I posted on the wrong thread. Something similar happened to me OP. After a friendly professional chat with a bloke, he invited me over to play and have some wine.
I felt like not a normal human being but a walking vagina. I felt like I did not exist as a person.
Obviously he has no consideration for women. They are just to be used for one purpose and it seems it includes his own wife. He is a f** rabbit!

Original poster
CremeFresh · 03/09/2017 11:50

It has made me feel horrible tbh and very sorry for his wife.

OP posts:
thisfamily · 03/09/2017 11:54

#everydaysexism, grr

MsGameandWatching · 03/09/2017 11:56

I really want to debunk the myth that all men are bastards. They simply aren't. If you feel that all the men you meet are, it's because you are unconsciously sending out vibes to these men. They can spot a target a mile off.

Sorry, but I think that's utter crap. And victim blaming. Whether it's on the MN sticky or not!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/09/2017 12:02

Not all men are bastards by any means but I should have deleted the second part of my message as I can see its not for this particular set of circumstances. My bad.

Complain about this man to his employer; you should not be treated like this at all. He has well overstepped professional boundaries here. Delete this particular individual's number now too if you have not already done that so that you are not further bombarded with text messages and his sob story.

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