Please remind me it is normal to wade through rivers of awful men on online dating until you meet someone decent...happy stories only please!

[grobagsforever]

In a nutshell- widowed 3.5 years ago, boyfriend of 2 years has ended relationship. Gutted although I knew it had no future so know I will be better long term.

I'm getting straight back on the horse and have signed up to a couple of dating apps mainly to distract myself from thoughts of Ex. So far it is immensely depressing. Everyone is either stupid, pervy, unemployment or living on a mates floor etc.

Tell me stories of wading through a bunch of no hopers to find someone wonderful. Please. I'm 36, 2 kids and need hope.

I dated like a trooper after my last relationship ended...it kept me busy and out of the house and I met some interesting (and also some very weird men). I took it all with a pinch of salt as I was still a little broken over my ex, not the healthiest way to get over a bad relationship but it worked for me.

After six months and averaging 3 dates a week I met a guy and I just didn't want to line up any more dates or talk to any other guys. I didn't expect it and it took me completely by surprise. We have had ups and downs like any relationship but are engaged and will be married this year...and I am truly truly happy...

Tinder works...

Maybe I am old fashioned but I prefer to meet people in RL, particularly in groups so I can observe what they are like. Meetup.com is my tinder, and I have fun doing something I like too.

Two of my friends met someone on Match and they are now married with children. A colleague is now living with someone she met on Tinder.

I did a bit of online dating. Had some great fun but didn't meet anyone special. But...it opened me up to dating again/ being open to meeting new people and I then got together with a friend of a friend on a night out.

We met when I was 35 and he was 38 (so a bit older). He had been single for a long time (10+ years) but he wasn't a "free bird" - he just hadn't met the right person and had maybe given up hope a bit. He is the loveliest, kindest person I know, and we laugh together every day.

I've not been bereaved OP but I had a horrible break up that really knocked my confidence - it look everything in me to get through it. Like on this thread people gave advice about taking some time alone etc. However I knew that I wanted marriage and possibly children and wanted to at least try and meet someone new. Going on a few dates is hardly jumping into some thing anyway. It's just dating - no big deal.

When I was dating I liked OK Cupid. A friend who is just on the dating scene again is trying a new app called Bumble though.

Go for it OP - you sound like you have so much to offer someone. Good luck

Met my oh on tinder 14 months ago after a 26 year marriage failed. Had tried match and pof but definitely found those men odd, very full of themselves and opinionated. I liked tinder as you only got chatting if you'd liked the look of them/their profile chat and if they went odd you just unmatched and they couldn't find you again.

We met on Lastminute.com dating site, 13 years ago. Some of the people that were on the other dating sites at the time - shudder.

You really have to have a fine toothcomb.

Online dating is a bit like playing Russian roulette. if it works for some there are a lot of casualties.

I never got further than talking online. The one who had a caravan decked out as a dungeon and said 'some women' thought he was 'dangerous' put me right off!

As we say on MN... "If a man tells you who he is, listen!"

Although I'm married I second Tinder as I've heard some inspiring things. A friend of my sister met her now husband after a week on Tinder (neither were promiscuous).

At the other end of the scale, I also know of a 55 year old divorcee at my DDs school who has a particularly high sex drive and a fondness for much younger men. She is no looker but gets a huge amount of action on Tinder!

Having said that, one of my closest friends was single for years (no kids) and had nothing but disappointment after two years on various dating sites. She then got involved in a big community based art and history project in her local area of London, made loads of new friends and met her now long-term partner through it.

I would try Tinder and the other good ones PPs have recommended, but get yourself out into the wider world too and get involved in stuff (you may be already).

Best of luck OP!

I was with an absolute twat of a man for over 10 years, left him and dated online on and off for a couple of years (sometimes fun, sometimes draining, sometimes irritating), the vast majority online do seem to be weirdos, perverts and fuckwits, but I met my lovely DP who I've been with for almost 4 years now online and he honestly is my perfect match.

I couldn't have imagined anyone would be so compatible in every way and he treats me better than I could have hoped for. He's never given me any red flags, been abusive in any way, or made me doubt anything between us in the whole time we've been together. He's lovely and respectful and supports me more than anyone ever has. He's never let me down and always puts me first.

Don't give up hope OP, there are some good ones, you just have to wade through the shit

Two of my friends are now married to lovely men and have kids - both met on mysinglefriend

One of my friends went very specific and joined catholic match.com (I think?!), started talking to a guy in the US and is now married and living there with him!

Anecdotally I have had friends and acquaintances who have had success with online dating - they have had to be quite ruthless however. Not lingering on men who have red or even Amber flags, using it as a pragmatic numbers game.

I met DH 13 years' ago on Match.com. I'd been on it for about a year and a half before I met him. Had been on about 12 dates from about 800 replies (over the whole period ) so had whittled all the arseholes and weirdos down of which there were many.

All 12 dates I went on were lovely blokes in their own way but just not for me. All professional etc. I had a nice time on all the dates band even saw a few of them again just to see if there was a spark. No luck.

So number 13 was DH who at first I thought was a player. Turns out he wasn't. That was 13 years ago, married for 10 with a 9 year old.

My advice is whittle them down and persevere!

Thank you everyone.

I'm fine with something being hard, as long as it is possible!

Met ex after only two online dates so not got much experience!

I do think dating is like job hunting. A task, to be approached with clear goals and persistence and remembering you only need to get it right once!

Yes I'm sure I saw OLD described somewhere (probably an old dating thread on here) as a numbers game where one should not waste too much time chatting before meeting; just get them lined up, meet up quickly and move on quickly wherever necessary. I guess it depends how much baysitting you can access but hopefully you've got support lined up for that?

Yes lots of sitters thankfully!

In that case have fun! And stay safe

I met DH on Match.com 11 years ago. It will be our 10 year wedding anniversary in a few months.

I'd been single for a few years before deciding to get back in the saddle I was a LP in my late thirties. Online dating was a bit of a novelty then - and I had quite a lot of chats - but only actually met up with a handful. As said above - weeding out the time wasters. After a couple of mid length relationships I met DH. We are very different, and probably wouldn't have locked eyes across a crowded nightclub- but our marriage works well.

Me I got one!

Separated from ExH in 2013. Two dc.

Waded through a river of grim prospects, some hilarious, some just plain old dull. I became quite adept at sussing out losers and sleazeballs/no hopers/men who don't see their kids etc. It's a skill. Being ruthless helps with the depressing aspect. Although it can be depressing.

Got fed up of same old faces on same old sites so joined Guardian Soulmates for a week.

Got a message from a fella who I am now utterly smitten with! Very very very happy!

You're amazing grobags 💐

I met DP on POF. He was a newbie and I'd been on there a few months. I think he was basically too tight to pay for a dating site whereas I'd tried all the bloody dating sites and found the paid one no better than a free one.

Anyway we were totally destined to meet, he is my lobster. It's been a very hard 5 years because of lots and lots of miscarriages and problems conceiving but we are as strong as ever and do have two healthy children 💗

I met someone on Tinder and we have been together for 18 months. Very happy. He'd been doing online dating for 5 years and me for about 6 months when we met. I did have many terrible first and last dates before we met.
Heartfix by Stella Grey is hilarious and also sad. She also wrote a column in the Guardian about her experiences. Definitely worth a read.
Good luck.

I spent about a year - 18 months wading through a few awful and not-so-awful-just-mismatched men. Funnily enough the absolute worst (looking for much younger women/ arrogant/ sexist/potential cocklodgers) were from the paid sites I had the highest hopes with, Soulmates and the algorithm ones, and the nicest men were ones I met on Tinder and POF. You do however have to spend some time weeding out out the cock shots and just wanting a shag people before getting ot the nice ones. My friend has recently decided that she is ditching the paid sites and just using POF as she's met the nicest men on there, for free.

My mantra used to be, if I'd had an OK night and passed a pleasant evening it didn't really matter if I didn't click with the date, but I think you do have to have quite a thick skin and it's more difficult and disappointing if you are desperate to meet the love of your life. My advice would be to not spend too long chatting to someone before before meeting - I used to find, the longer the chatting period, the bigger the disappointment.

I met my now DH on Tinder 4 years ago, we were both 42 and had two children each. We just clicked and started dating regularly - there was no game playing or angst and our relationship just progressed. We were chatting on and off for a week before meeting up. We are now coming up to our 1st wedding anniversary.

I've been single for 7 years (never married, no kids), online dating for six. Think I tried every site going (guardian, pof, okc, match, tinder, bumble), and I'd pretty much accepted I'd never meet anyone when...well, I met someone (on okc)!!

It's only been two months but we're both happy. I never thought I'd find someone who accepted all my warts and quirks, but he seems to find them endearing

(And if this one doesn't work out, I'm pretty sure I'll give up on old - largely because I know I can be happy on my own. My new chap is icing on the cake, but I'll be fine with just cake It's really good to feel like that)

I can't remember the last time I attended a wedding where the couple hadn't met online. It's basically standard now I think.

I met my partner online. we've been together 10 months and I'm due our baby in three weeks. He took on my other three kids and is honestly like a dad to them. I was on Plenty of Fish for about 2.5 years and I was almost at the point of deleting, I'd been messed about by people on there and all the men I met although some were nice enough, they just weren't suitable for me, there was no one I was really that "bothered" about. And the majority who messaged me from there were either odd or just after sex or to cause an argument, bizarrely. So I decided to take time out from wanting to meet people and that's when I met my DP. I wasn't looking too much into it at first, but from the first meeting, it just felt right and he's perfect for me. I sometimes forget I actually met him online.

My best friend met her partner on POF, he was her 3rd date. The first was into polyamory, and wanted to introduce her to his 3 other girlfriends, the second was already planning their life together, including where they would live, and how many hours a weeks she should work after having their 2 children, a boy and a girl - this was all within half an hour of meeting.
3rd time lucky, and she's getting married next April.

Thanks all for the positive stories. Helps hugely. I'm fine on my own, have a very full and independent life. But it's actually quite liberating to admit that the right relationship would enhance my life hugely and to take positive and proactive steps to get it. More anecdotes welcome!