This isn't ok is it?

[Bonosbiatch]

My husband said to me tonight that because I'm horrible to him (I'm not, quite the opposite), if another woman was nice to him, he'd cheat. Basically saying that it would be my fault. This week he also said that one of his exes was a better friends to him than me. Why would someone say shit like this??

He sounds horrible. Are these comments a surprise or has he always been like this?

Do you have kids with him? If not, dump him. Waste of time.

In your husband's view how are you horrible to him?

He is trying to get you to do something so that you earn him being faithful. What does he wants?

Or he already has cheated and he is trying to justify it in his head so that it is YOUR fault, not his.

I'd work on an exit plan.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

His strategy is so transparent. Call him out on it and then start calling the shots in divorce proceedings.

No-one should speak to their partner like this. End of.
He's not worth having if this is how he really feels.

What?! Did that come out of the blue? Was it in the middle of a bitter row?

Actually, never mind. It doesn't matter. That's a real shit thing to say, and it would make me immediately think that he's already cheating or planning to tomorrow. And he's putting the blame for it ON YOU.

See if he's got a copy of The Script somewhere. He's so bloody obvious.

He's telling you he has already cheated.

If he hasn't already cheated he's thinking about it, and trying to blame you, the cheeky fucker!

With a statement like that I'd assume he has already created or at least is having an emotional affair. LTB - it's clearly over in his head anyway.

*already CHEATED - typo

Yeah he probably has already cheated on you
These comments are unacceptable and you know they are.
Ltb

I know it's got to be over. I'm just terrified of being alone. We have one child who is just beautiful but quite profoundly disabled. We discussed contact last night and he said he didn't want to have him over night ever. But weird.

I'm not perfect though I must say. I kissed someone 3 years ago when vvvv drunk and they 'lunged' at me also vvvv drunk. Totally unacceptable but I did it because they were kind to me. Just a week or so before he had pushed me naked in front of a mirror as he was sick of me whining about my 'fat' and made me look at myself. That's caring apparently.

My other personal favourite was when I got a promotion on his birthday and he said I was distasteful and ungracious making the day about me. I'd taken him out for a meal and given gifts despite a 2 day interview process.

Just tell him to get lost.....he is a man child....you already have a child but not a man.... Get rid of him he sounds a nasty piece of work

It's probably worth pointing out at this point that I don't have any friends really except a small family. Something he also said was my fault as I'm too 'haughty' for friends apparently.

I have absolutely no idea how to be alone. I'm literally shaking with fear and feel sick.

Being alone means you are constantly with the person that wants what is best for you.
It is incredibly daunting if you are used to being with someone who makes you doubt yourself.
The whole point of sharing your life with someone is you are sharing it with a person you want to be with. I want a relationship that is kind, caring, and not dramatic. friendship and partners. Other people may want different things. What do you want?
Life is so short. Too short to spend it with people who are unkind.

You kissed someone because they were kind to you, yet him saying he'd do the same thing is somehow different?' NO. Hypocrisy kills relationships.

Huge double standards as Les has pointed out.

Do you actually like each other?

This "relationship" was over years ago - at least three.

Ahhh... the blaming you for an affair already!?
Marvellous.
So he already is or he's planning on having an affair.
He's laying the groundwork in advance of it all so it's your fault.
Which of course, it isn't but there you go.
This is so so so over.
Please end it.
And he doesn't get away with not having HIS own child overnight.
That's not how it works.
Make sure he knows this and that will be going for 50:50
So him and his OW had better get used to it quick sharp.

Sorry but it's not looking good.
Get some family around you if you can.

The relationship was over the instant either of you felt that someone else being nicer to you could result in one or other straying. Am not going to judge the comment or the past because TBH I can see how it happens, however what I would say is that if he feels that he has/might/wants to move on and you have done the same in the past then the reality is that there are some serious issues with in the relationship already.

If you're not happy then you need to have a discussion about it rather than resorting to kissing other men/women or even harbouring thoughts of doing so.