Am I being Precious? Overreacting?

[iloveagoodlist]

I found out about DHs EA with a work colleague checking his WhatsApps. She was texting him constantly on Christmas Day last year.

A few weeks of snooping and I found thousands of hours of online chats, photos, emails etc.

One of the conditions of us staying together was I never find another trace of her ever again.

He promised to delete the contents of a portable hard drive. It vanished.

I just found it in the study. He's deleted nothing. All the saved chats and photos including nudie underwear shots are still there.

Am I wrong in hitting the roof? Is it an oversight?

I'm trying to trust him but this feels pretty shit

Oh op. You poor thing. That shaking thing is vile. It's adrenaline I think.

this man believes he has you over a barrel OP...

Your ever growing wealth will only benefit Him and it's increasing every day.. cut your financial losses Now and save your own soul in the long run

Horrible, horrible, horrible of him. Cheap and nasty lying to say it's gone when it's not.

OP, how old are you now? Surely it would be worth taking the hit financially now, knowing that you can build up your reserves again? If you continue to make money and divorce in the future (which seems inevitable, I'm afraid) then he's going to be even better off and you will have less time to build up your savings.

Middle aged. Worst possible point for pension, mortgage and child costs.

Divesting yourself of assets before separation/divorce can cause real problems and result in huge financial losses. I wouldn't try it.

Is there any difference if he instigates the divorce or if the divorce is due to adultery (his)? I expect not, but it's worth checking.

I think you really have to decide if keeping your wealth is worth it. You can be wealthy and miserable like you are now, or you can be 'poor' and be happy. I know which I'd choose. No amount of money is worth living in a miserable marriage.

Your only other choice would be to 'divorce' him in your mind and in your heart. Cut him out of your everyday life. Live, in essence, a separate life with your emotions shut away from him. Cultivate friends and activities that he is not a part of. It's not easy, but it can be done and you're probably half way to hating him anyway. You just need to turn that hate into indifference. But it would mean putting up with his infidelity until you train yourself not to give a shit what he does.

Just out of curiosity, have you investigated moving to where the laws may be more favourable to you?

Could you separate and keep your finances separate from his?

Thank you all for the legal advice but I've seen two very good lawyers and paid £££ to understand my position and how I exit this.

The advice on what I found is what I wanted. Thank you so much.

Money is money. my sanity and my integrity is priceless.

What a twat he is.

sending you heartfelt hugs and hope you find the conclusion/solution you hoped for...

you deserve so much better Lady

What if you separate and refuse to divorce?

Would he definitely go after your money? A decent person wouldn't. I assume he's not a decent person?

AdalindSchade has a point. I have no experience I had nothing to share with my divorce only debt! Could you offer a percentage and see if he accepts?

Doesn't the 'period of your marriage' not end at the point he broke his vows?
In which case you would be golden. And I would be hanging onto all that nice dated evidence he's kept for you on that hard drive.
Deceptively continuing in the marriage for his own financial gain ??? Bad move.