Would this be acceptable to you?

[houseinthecorner]

Would anyone be ok with their husband going to the races event from 12pm Saturday and then stay out all day and only return really late at night lets say midnight because he goes out drinking all night after the races. He does this every other year but also goes out once a month with his friends and also has another night out planned at the end of the month. He also goes to the gym twice weekly and he's just started a new hobby because he takes my oldest girls to judo lessons and he tells me I should stay at home with baby and youngest girl because they mess about and he will take them for an hour then do his class straight after that's an hour and half so he's out several hours and he works full time also. I don't do nothing outside of the home. My biggest problem is the races tomorrow because I don't think it's fair he gets to go out all day and night whilst I'm at home with the children. We have YOUNG children so it's not as if they are older. He says I should find something to do but how can I when he takes up all the free time?? He's working Sunday so it's not as if I get Sunday to myself. I also don't have any friends or family who care about me enough to do anything with me. I also am not working ( someone has to look after the children and I don't trust people, I have a problem trusting others around my children ( won't get it to that right now tho) and Also the child care is an issue as we can't pay for that as well as everything else)

Am I being selfish to suggest he doesn't go out all day but meets them later in the night for drinks? I'm not saying to him don't go out at all but spending a whole day and night away leaving me with the kids knowing full well I wouldn't get the same freedom makes me angry. He could just meet them later in the day or night for drinks but he refuses, he wants it all and there is ok reasoning with him.
Any thoughts?

Totally unfair on you babe, you deserve time off and your own social life too. He's being selfish. I wouldn't have a problem with the races as it's so infrequent, but he needs to give you time to yourself when he looks after the kids on a regular basis. Is there definitely no-one you'd feel happy leaving them with?

He sounds like a Dick OP...

I certainly wouldn't be trusting his ass off on all these jaunts after you finding evidence on him being on a Dating Website.. WTF...

He's living like as thought he were a Single Guy x

crikey...

I mean..

He's living as though he were a Single Guy ...

So many differnt issues you sem to keep adding on.
I agree with everyone replying to your first post - it seems he has a social life and you don't, but his social life is hardly excessive.... 1x a month out with friends then gym 2x a week. He has got involved in same hobby as your dc. By my maths that still leaves 5 (if you include the time they are all at judo and you only have the baby) or 4 (if you don't) evenings a week when you could get your 'me time' or you 'socialising' or your 'hobby' or your exercise - that is what most couples do when they have young dc, each take some time for themselves at some point.
The race day isn't really the point either - once every 2 years!!!

Things you've started adding on since, you deal with as separate issues.

TheReal why people are 'choosing' have children with dickheads is very complex. Just like why women are staying with abusers.
That's certainly not a good reason to tell them that 'they've made their bed so they should lie in it'.
That sort of mentality sucks.

This guy behaves appallingly. Whether he has always done so or not doesn't matter. He just does and there is no reason ever that the OP should just accept it.

You should split OP. It seems your relationship is "all about him" in his eyes.

Can't see your workload being any bigger with him not there? He has also probably cheated and this leaves you anxious when he's out. So much going on here other than going to the races.

Well there has been update..

So last night he went to the gym.. just before he set off he complained of chest pain but he still went. He came back 2 hours later and complained of the same chest pain and it looked like he was in real pain ( he was pacing ) so I said you really need to go to get this checked. He drove to the hospital as didn't feel necessary for ambulance.

Anyway he was there all night having tests done as I think the hospital wanted to rule out heart attack and all the serious stuff. I was up most of the night at home really worrying about him. I did drift in and out to sleep but didn't really sleep with the worry. I text him saying he should call in sick tomorrow ( he was supposed to work till 12pm and Then go to the races) if you are discharged because he didn't sleep and obviously because of this severe pain. He agreed. He came back this morning around 8:30 and said the doctors think it's inflammation in his muscles (probably through lifting too much at he gym) and there is nothing serious. He said he will have an hour sleep and go to work and he's still going to the races I think. I told him not to go because who wants to go drinking after that?

And there's me sat here wondering why I deprived myself of sleep worrying something serious was wrong with him.

Oh dear, sounds like he needs a rest, not more racing around. Did he go to the races in the end? Hope you're okay and not too frazzled.