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Original poster

Is twice a day video contact excessive?

54 replies

Thefutureisbright2017 · 01/09/2017 08:55

Ex partner insists on twice a day video contact with our DS 3. Morning 6.30am and evening. We split officially a year ago but I checked out over 2 after discovering his love of prostitutes. Hmm
Anyway Ive put my foot down now and said evening call before bed moving forward. Im getting to end of grief!

OP posts:
AliceTown · 01/09/2017 08:57

What other contact does the child have with their other parent?
Does the child engage with the other parent during the video calls?
What is your reason for reducing the calls?

TheNaze73 · 01/09/2017 08:57

I don't think there is a right or wrong here. One man's freedom fighter is another's terrorist.

AdalindSchade · 01/09/2017 08:57

It's a lot but not a big deal if the child enjoys it. If it's a chore for him then no. Why 6.30am?

c3pu · 01/09/2017 08:59

Personally I'd find twice a day intrusive.

How often do you call when the little one is with your ex?

DanielCraigsUnderpants · 01/09/2017 09:02

I'm someone on the other end of the scale - where my little boy's dad goes weeks without calling. And I wish he would see that he should make more effort. It depends on why he is calling so much - does he miss him and want to keep a good relationship, or is he doing it to irritate and control you.

HopeChance · 01/09/2017 09:06

I'd go along with it but I wouldn't get involved. Can your DS answer the FaceTime by himself? If not train him up. Then leave them to it. Do not appear on the screen at all. I imagine your ex's interest in this activity will decrease when he realises it's not control of you at those times.

Garlicansapphire · 01/09/2017 09:10

6.30 sounds like a bit of a pain in the arse. Once a day sounds fine - but how often does he see DS in person?

Is he doing this to annoy/control you do you think? Or is it genuine?

Original poster
Thefutureisbright2017 · 01/09/2017 09:12

He usually see him 1 or 2 nights a week depending on his shifts. 6.30 because I leave for work at 7am. I find i dont have time for it on work days and no he usually doesnt engage much if at all. Especially in the morning. Im finding it obtrusive too. He knows exactly where we are and looking forward to the future. If i meet someone I dont want him knowing my business. He is very controlling too.

OP posts:
MozzchopsThirty · 01/09/2017 09:14

Oh god if he's seeing your dc twice a week I think this is totally OTT
he's still controlling
Even once a day would be too much intrusion for me

Original poster
Thefutureisbright2017 · 01/09/2017 09:15

He most definately wants to engage with me too. Asking lots of questions, I just want him out MY life. So no not all about seeing his son I dont think.

OP posts:
Luciferthethird · 01/09/2017 09:18

Don't do it. What an arse just another way to control you.

Original poster
Thefutureisbright2017 · 01/09/2017 09:21

Tonight Im going on a rare night out with work colleagues. DS is having a sleepover at my sisters, I just know the morning call and discovering hes at my sisters will create no end of grief for me...

OP posts:
GoldenOrb · 01/09/2017 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mulch · 01/09/2017 09:23

Could it be he just wants to see his child more? Maybe it's not anything sinister, just that he really cares and it's a way of being part of his child's life day to day

HerOtherHalf · 01/09/2017 09:25

He is very controlling too.
He most definitely wants to engage with me too. Asking lots of questions

Then you need to put your foot down and just say no to any contact outside of his agreed days. He is just using this as an excuse to keep his hooks in you. Take back control and put him in his place. Don't get drawn into having to make excuses or justify yourself, just tell him it's not happening anymore, end of.

Original poster
Thefutureisbright2017 · 01/09/2017 09:32

If that was the case mulch he wouldn't have cancelled this weeks contact in favour of agency work 100s of miles away. I will try not to engage through the calls as you suggest half the time DS moans about me answering the calls.....He never spoke to his daughter ( to someone else)this much

OP posts:
pog100 · 01/09/2017 09:34

It's obvious from your responses is all about exercising control over you and as such is unreasonable. Limit it and stick to your guns. There is no reason why you should get grief for a night out and your child at your sister's. You need to stand up to him.

Maelstrop · 01/09/2017 09:34

YANBU. You don't have time in the mornings. It's ridiculous and excessive. Just stop responding. If the ex has him 1-2 nights a week, he doesn't have to FaceTime daily. When he asks you personal questions, tell him you will not be talking about yourself and it's not his business.

Original poster
Thefutureisbright2017 · 01/09/2017 09:37

Thanks guys, didnt know whether i was being the unreasonable one.

OP posts:
bibliomania · 01/09/2017 09:50

I think the question is whether it's beneficial to the child. My exH went through a stage of calling multiple times a day, but it wasn't good for dd - it was quite deliberately about interrupting her time with me, so she could never relax and get on with stuff, as she was always waiting for the phone, when she'd have to put on a performance of adoring daughter or else be berated by him.

If it's not bothering your child, I'd consider not taking a big stance about it, but making sure it's a really boring experience for your ex. Never ever engage with him, keep to a rigid time (eg. 10 mins) with the video up close on the child so he can't see anything else, including which adult is facilitating the call. See if he keeps it up under those conditions.

Garlicansapphire · 01/09/2017 09:59

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Do not engage other than simple contact arrangements. He has no business interfering in your life or asking questions and you are under no obligation to share anything further. Draw a strict line and stick to it.

He's a controlling wanker. Well done for getting him out of the house. Now get him out of your life as far as possible.

yetmorecrap · 01/09/2017 14:25

If he is seeing him in the week , I think thats excessive. I am wondering too if its done to keep tabs on where you are as well? and trying to restrict you being able to do anything else.

PinkHeart5911 · 01/09/2017 14:28

I don't think it's excessessive, it's natural for a parents to want to see there child.

Gemini69 · 01/09/2017 14:30

Telephone calls ... Fine...

Video calls... I'd never agree too OP

he is controlling your every move, and being able to see into your life .. end this x

Titanz · 01/09/2017 14:33

Well if the shoe was on the other foot would you be happy about not seeing your child for days?

I'd think what's best for the kid.