OH just burst out laughing at me in a swimsuit

[thiskittenbarks]

Currently hiding in the loo sobbing. Tomorrow we go on our first sun holiday since having our first baby (10 months ago).
I gained 5 stone during my pregnancy but lost most of it. I'm now pregnant again (about 7 weeks) and have just stopped breastfeeding, so my tummy has shot out - and my boobs... well they're not what they used to be. But all in all I feel fairly body confident, especially considering the above. Was a size 6 pre-preg, and am now a size 10 - pretty good going really. Last time I tried on my bikinis / holiday clothes (a couple of months ago before I was pregnant) they fitted okay but obviously a lot has changed since them. I was just trying one on (one that had always made me feel really good about my bod) and he comes in and literally bursts out laughing. I burst out crying and hide in the loo.
It really didn't look that bad. I mean, I wouldn't have worn it, but I certainly didn't think it was comically bad.
I'm the type of person who always laughs at themselves, but this just wasn't funny. I think he was a bit shocked at how upset this has made me. It hadn't occurred to me that he might not find me attractive anymore, because I felt so happy with my body and what it had done (made baby, fed baby for 10 months, start making a new baby). I feel like a pile of turd now, and certainly not a pile of turd that fancies donning any form of swimwear around him any time soon.

Sew up one of the legs of his underpants and then you can have a good laugh when he contorts trying to get them on!

Has he ever done anything to make you feel bad about your body before?

If not, and this really is a one off, I would be inclined to accept his explanation. My husband busts a gut when he sees me putting on tights, he says I look like a frog when I do the knee bend. It's definitely not an insult to my body. It's hard for people who don't have a post pregnancy body to understand how very sensitive one is about it. He might just genuinely have found the boob jiggling funny and really not have realised how it might have seemed to you.

If, however, he has form for making you feel unattractive or bad about your body or yourself, then fuck him and anyone who looks like him.

You likely were doing something that looked a bit daft and it tickled him. I almost burst into tears the other day because DH laughed hysterically when he walked into our bedroom and I was trying to fight my way out of a slightly too tight pair of skinny jeans.

My brain automatically went to 'he's laughing at me because I am so fat' but it was more 'he's laughing at me because I look a tit rolling around on the bed with my legs in the air'

Well if you are going tomorrow he will have to spend the first morning of your holiday escorting you and your FB around the shops at your travel destination to help you choose and pay for very expensive swimwear that doesn't make him laugh.

He said I was pulling a hilarious face at myself in the mirror as I examined myself / jiggled my boobs around in a comical fashion

This ^ combined with the fact you said you are the type of person who can laugh at yourself, is your answer.
If you are 7 weeks pregnant your hormones are affecting the way you feel.
If he really thought your body was awful, he would have been more aware about saying anything. He was laughing with you as you both have always done together, because he sees you no different from the way he has always seen you. As he says, laughing at your antics, not your body. IMVHO.

he sounds like he thought you were clowning around making funny faces and taking weird postures.

If you have been feeling pretty confident, he might not have realised that you could feel any insecurity.

None of us here can judge your relationship based on this incident. Some women are perfectly comfortable telling their DH he's getting fat, others would not dream of it. It doesn't mean they are not respecting their partners.

If he doesn't have form for being unpleasant about your looks etc, I'd consider giving him the benefit of the doubt. I can (just) squeeze into skinny jeans from a few years back, bit curvier now maybe gone from a small 8 to a 10. DH loves the shape I am, still almost pissed himself laughing when he saw me getting into the damn things. He wasn't laughing at my body or the weight gain, but because in that moment I looked really quite silly.

Are you very petite? Not trying to excuse his bad behaviour but my sister was also size 6 pre-pregnancy and in certain outfits she did look adorably funny- like a tiny woman who'd swallowed a beach ball

I hope he makes up for it- I'm sure you look great xx

Thanks ladies. I may just be ready to leave my hiding place on the toilet now.
He's not a twat, but he is pretty insensitive.
Not the type to shower me with compliments, which I actually liked about him for the 6 years before we had baby.

I would feel like shoving a whole watermelon over his ass and making it come out. Twice! How dare he laugh of your body after all your body has done???

They don't get to go through all the changes we endure, and in the end they just get a new baby.

I've been pregnant twice, gave birth twice, and breastfed for over 5 years in total. OF COURSE my body is a bit worn off. My DH has got 2 beautiful well fed children without sacrificing his body like that, so he knows he'd better NEVER mention anything about my body. Ever.

(and I say that as a very body confident person, and I'm happy my body is reasonably close to what it was before - even though it will never be the same and that's ok)

Your post made me angry on your behalf. Please let him know he was unbelievably nasty.

Before I saw your second post, the only thing I could think is that there is just no way he could be laughing at your body - there must have been a specific reason for it. For one thing, a size 10 is great (I'm a size 10 and I will not hear otherwise!), and not even a MAN is dumb enough to just burst out laughing at his pregnant wife's body!

I'm sure it's true that he happened to glimpse you unwittingly pulling a face and jiggling at just the right wrong instant.

Still... he's got a lot of buttering up to do for that little outburst, the oblivious wanker!

I hope he takes responsibility for his own packing because he's going to be smiling on the other side of his face when he finds nothing but lurid dayglo budgie smugglers in the case for him.

He said I was pulling a hilarious face at myself in the mirror as I examined myself / jiggled my boobs around in a comical fashion

He said thats what he was laughing at. Why don't you believe him? Its insensitive yes but if my OH was trying on stuff and contorting his face into silly expressions yes I would laugh. Albeit I know Id say 'oh your face!' or some such. Maybe thats what your man should have done.

He has explained though and its sounds as if your own issues about your body have prompted you to convince yourself that he was laughing at your figure, and you want to believe that

Whatever the case wear what you like and feel comfortable in

Presumably you two laugh and joke in your relationship sometimes? I think that's all it was to him but because you're sensitive about your (size 10 ffs!) body, you've got offended. He's not a mind reader. Hopefully he's sad he's upset you but he couldn't have known, could he?

Maybe he is really happy because he is with the woman he loves and she is pregnant with his second child.He feels totally comfortable with you and laughed in a loving way a parent laughs at a child struggling to get something right.
Perspective is everything .If he is a twat it will soon show through

I just think it's insensitive. In my mind the only response to seeing your partner in swimwear or underwear etc is "oh my! how on earth have I walked into Victoria's Secret fashion show rehearsals...oh wait it's you my darling...".
I'm sure he did just think we would have a laugh together. But I feel like I'm the only person who is allowed to laugh at my saggy tits.
Probably combo of me not feeling great, poor sleep and pregnancy hormones, and him not being fully versed in the appropriate way to react to bikini clad significant others.
Thanks ladies, you've put it in perspective for me and I'm also happy to know I'm not the only one to react badly when laughed at..

If he is normally ok I would let this one go. You are hormonal and sensitive, he was tactless and insensitive - not a good mix.

FWIW I am middle aged and wish I looked as good now in a bikini as I did early on in my second pregnancy. And in 10 years time I will probably wish I look as nice as I do now! I just fake tan up, strap my mahoosive boobs and slightly less mahoosive belly into my swimwear and paste on a smile. Once I am on the beach I forget all those inhibitions and just enjoy the sunshine.

He said I was pulling a hilarious face at myself in the mirror as I examined myself / jiggled my boobs around in a comical fashion.

So you were actually doing something comical, not just standing there.

He's not horrible. I realise your upset and sensitive, and he certainly shouldn't have laughed, but you're describing being 2 sizes bigger now and squeezing into a bikini you wore when you were 2 sozes smaller. That does sound quite amusing

If you're a spiteful twat who enjoys humiliating their partner, then yes I guess you might see it as quite amusing...

As long as you given him signed permission slips to laugh at things he is allowed to find amusing in future you'll be ok.

He said I was pulling a hilarious face at myself in the mirror as I examined myself / jiggled my boobs around in a comical fashion

In that case what's wrong with laughing? I would have laughed if that was my dh

I think you're feeling incredibly sensitive and defensive about your figure which is completely understandable. But except for your dh's unfortunate timing of laugher, has he given any indication of looking askance at your figure....?

Be proud of your body!! You are beautiful. You body made an incredible little human being and now is cooking up another. What has his body done?

I think he was most likely laughing at your faces and you jiggling around in the mirror - and I'm sure he feels awful that you're so upset! It would have been a knee jerk reaction to something he saw as comical and nothing to do with your body - which I'm sure he completely loves!

Yanbu to be upset though, post baby changes are hard to come to terms with. Wear your swimsuit and funny faces with pride!

I don't believe he was laughing at how your boobs looked, I think he was laughing at how you were jiggling them around. In other words, he was laughing at what you were doing, not what you looked like.

I think your hormones are making you very sensitive to something you'd normally laugh at too. You were jiggling your larger than normal boobs & pulling a funny face. That is funny. He was laughing with you, not at you.

If he was a sensitive bloke I'd expect him to be stbthe bathroom door trying to make you understand that. As he's not, he's probably still not quite sure what he did wrong & wondering WTF...

You know he loves you & your body & he's not a git - so he wasn't laughing at your body. So, dry your eyes and find some swimwear for your FABULOUS first sun drenched family holiday!

In my mind the only response to seeing your partner in swimwear or underwear etc is "oh my! how on earth have I walked into Victoria's Secret fashion show rehearsals...oh wait it's you my darling..."

and there you go.... "in my mind" ..... not in his. Not in mine - if that's relevant - but in yours. As someone said upthread, I doubt if he is a mind reader, so how would he know there were any issues, particularly as you are so small / have lost all the pre-pregnancy weight ?
What you were doing looked funny. So he laughed with you, as you have always done in your relationship.