I don't know how much longer I can go.

[hattiesmumm]

I absolutely adore my partner. Love him so so much. He's an amazing dad to our daughter and my two children.

The problem is our sex life, or lack of. I'm becoming desperate. We have it probably once every 7-10days. When we have it, it's so awkward and over with quickly. We've been together 4 years nearly and he's given me oral 3 times. He doesnt let me give him
Oral. When we first started dating I did, and lots!

I'm so fed up. He doesn't let me touch him. Nothing seems to "get him in the mood" unless it's his time to sort himself out. He doesn't wank (unless he does it at work?!).

It's making me so depressed. Sex is a big thing to me, and due to lack of it my confidence is so low.

It's ridiculous. Iv tried talking to him but he doesn't change. He says he hates it when I "pressure him"?!

He's only slept with two women before me, one time each.

I don't know what to do 😭

Hi, I can understand this being tough for you, especially when it sounds as though in other respects you have quite a healthy relationship? Has your sex life been the same throughout the duration of your relationship, or was there a point at which it declined? My first thought is that your partner has some issues around sex/ intimacy itself... have you tried to explore this with him? Is there a possibility that he is feeling stressed, low in mood, affected by medication?

Porn?

He doesn't watch porn.

Our relationship is amazing else where. He's my best friend. We talk about everything and anything.

He absolutely hates his body, even though I think he's fecking hot and he's lost weight lately. He hates me touching him anywhere.

Hes always been the same. He used to suffer with really bad anxiety when we first started dating. But at the beginning of the relationship we had the sexual tension and not seeing each other every day to keep things exciting! 😭

Does he not liked to be touched in general? There is a medical term for that not sure of the name

I dunno - you have a goodnight set up I would buy a toy rather than lose something amazing as you described!

Also encourage his weight loss incase it's that

How do you know he doesn't watch porn or wank though? It sounds like he used to be more into it?

Because I know him? He wouldn't get chance 😂 He's never been into wanking etc. He's not really into porn, he's not s typical man, clearly as he doesn't want sex! He's very much into needing to be wined and dined before I can get him into bed! 😭😒

He loves me stroking his head/giving him a massage.

Like an hour ago, the kids (9&7) were downstairs eating tea, baby was asleepin her room so I tried to kiss him, he won't kiss me anymore only pecks 😒 And then said we can't possibly have sex at this time of day as the kids are awake, and we need to be parents!

I want some excitement. I'm so bored sexually 😭

Tell him! Tell him you are bored, worried, frustrated and concerned. A healthy sex life is an important part of a relationship as is communication.

I'm trying to be gentle when I say this, could he have body dysmorphia? could he be gay? Or have an underlying medical condition? How long has this been a "thing"?

All couple have a dip in sex drive when they had young kids- because their exhausted, busy and less confident about their bodies- but this sounds like a bigger issue.

Lack of testosterone could be a possibility.

You have my full sympathy OP & I think this will only get worse. Sex & money are the real relationship breakers & this is proof of that. Once every 10 days must be so frustrating.
Hope you can sort it however, it don't look good

I'm trying right now to talk to him. He has his back to me, not really talking. Telling me to "just do whatever you want". I'm so fed up. I tell him, he just doesn't do anything to change it! 😭

Unfortunately I am your husband !! I feel the same as he does and I like the same things as he does too . I cant explain why i do -- but have always been that way after the first 2-3 years of a relationship. I honestly cannot say why but in my case it was absolutely no reflection on my partners attractiveness at all, I really had to almost force myself.

Is he asexual or gay?

He sounds absolutely like my ex, every detail. Genuinely low sex drive, not that comfortable being touched either, circumstances had to be 'just right' (which they almost never were), not confident in himself or his body etc. We ended up going six months between dtd, then another six months after that etc. I would probably have made do with every 7-10 days although I do have a high sex drive but it just got too much. I didn't want to put pressure on him and in the end we parted very amicably. Still care about each other a lot but it just wasn't a 'relationship'. However just because my situation was more extreme, I'm not suggesting yours is ideal either. Sex is a really important part of a relationship for me and like you if affected my confidence and was just depressing. Not sure what to suggest, in my experience you can't change these things .

Well he's making himself clear I suppose.
Seems like you have two choices in front of you- make your peace with your sexy life as it is, or split up with your partner and find peace in that.

It doesn't sound to me like he's really listening to you and how serious this is and he's definitely not prepared to work towards improving or changing things.

I really feel for you OP what a horrible situation for you both

fudgit me too ... disaster area. utter refusal to discuss, face up to, or get around these issues.even after we split (for a myriad of reasons) he insisted we could be together and have a sex life 'if we both put the energy and our minds into it'
WTF?

This was after probably having sex 5 times in 3 years... no sex on honeymoon whatsoever.

I have my beautiful children (very fertile, luckily) so i cant wish we'd never wed, however it tore me apart because i blamed myself. Everything i tried ultimately failed. So i eventually admitted defeat.

Think i might be turning a corner now in terms of my esteem and self-worth - I hope so because its been horrific.

OP - don't let the situation carry on too long. Or at least, try to remain sure that its probably not a reflection on you and stay strong!

Finally got it out of him!

Got what?

What did he say op? Are you okay??

Oh my goodness... you can't just leave us hanging what did he say

Come on!!

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@MeMeMeMe123 it sucks doesn't it? And it's not helpful that the stereotype has men as 'up for it' all the time and women batting of their advances. It made me feel worse until I thought how silly it was - like I was extra unattractive for being rejected, as a woman in that situation. I imagine it doesn't do much for a man's self esteem in that situation although fortunately exP was never a macho man and kind of embraced being non typical.
It's not a nice situation for either partner especially when the love is still there. In the end I was no longer 'in love' with him as it got to the point where sex felt like a weird thing to even be thinking of doing with each other .

Wish I reread things before posting . I'm so repetitive.

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