Disillusioned with Dating sites

[Moncapetan]

Ok let me start by saying that i am a man. If it is wrong for me to post this then I appologise and i will remove it. BUT i really would like to know peoples thoughts.

Is there anybody else who is absolutly disillusioned with Dating websites.

Since my wife left me a year ago for the last 4 months i have joined a number of dating websites (tinder etc). So far i have met 4 really lovely ladies. Except when I asked about meeting up I then found out that all four were men posing as women. After doing more research I have found that many of the women on the dating sites are actually men posing as women.

As a genuine man looking for a genuine lady, what am i supposed to do. Are there any dating sites which have genuine women on them?

Would love to hear from other men (as well as ladies) as to their experience.

I have never heard of that how odd!

That's a new one on me.

I've never heard of that either. Very weird. Tinder is linked to facebook isnt it so thats a strange one

Well to begin with don't look for them on tinder! Don't you have any friends that can make introductions for you? At least you know it's not a man that way? Some dating sites used to have 'verified' users, do they still do that?

Well there's no shortage of women.

Did they have pictures? Were the pictures from a magazine?

I'm confused how this could happen to you four times.

Are you sure you chose the right kind of dating sites ?

AF lol. OP I've never once heard of this either with me or any of my friends. How odd

Was it transdating.co.uk ?

Sounds hugely weird to me. I've been on OLD sites on and off in the last few years and have had dozens of dates (with women). No one has ever told me they're a man.

I mean, never. In hundreds of conversations.

Are you sure you're not using Grindr by mistake?

Yes they did put a photo up, but they were fake.
I am amazed that this has not happened to anybody else. I must have been really unlucky.
There were 2 people on tinder and 2 people on elite singles.

You have been VERY unlucky! I have never heard this before

Keep going

OR: Ask every woman and man you know in a light hearted way to set you up on a blind date

I have never heard of that how strange that all 4 were doing that! Why would they do that?

How did you find out they were actually men?

This all sounds very strange!

Omg!! I've heard that the women on OLD can be awful (I'm not, I'm lovely :) )

But I agree with being disillusioned by it all.

This week alone I've had two 19 year olds message me, three old men, one guy be incredibly rude in his first message and when I picked him up on it he continued to harass me with apologies, I get matched with guys 150 miles away (some sites you can't change the settings), and the other day, while messaging someone really lovely, he got aggressive because I wouldn't see him a photo of myself for him to 'relieve' himself too.

Disillusioned re dating sites - yes i don't blame you but have never heard of men posing as women? Why? What purpose does that serve? (Am no doubt beingvthick but can't fathom it!)

Usually it's 65 year old men pretending they're 45

If you use a free dating site, you will get a lot of dabblers, some of these dishonest because they've got nothing to lose.
If you want to meet someone who is committed to finding a decent relationship, you need to find a reputable paying site.
Tinder is a nightmare. It's just for weirdos and people looking for a shag!

What cake fairy said. Use match or similar. Free sites are a minefield. I met DH on Match!

Why though? What aspect are they getting off on do you think?

Perhaps a scam to get money? Post fake photo of a hot young woman then target older men. Create a 'connection' and then plead poverty as the reason they can't travel to see them.
Maybe the OP was targeted because he engaged in conversation with one fake profile??

Where I'm struggling with the scenario is that if they were scammers they wouldn't go "guess what mate, I'm a bloke" when asked to meet. They'd just disappear into the ether

OP - keep looking. It's a numbers game. If you ask 5 women out per week...women you meet in real life and find attractive - with some chemistry from their side. How long do you think you'd be single?
My advice would be to give OLD a break and go to classes where women are and see them as potential friends only at first. Wishing you luck!

BeenThere good point...
OP - how did the declarations come about?

Welcome to Mumsnet OP. It's quite common (look up catfishing). What's unusual is that you've found out that they're men in two instances. Usually, they ghost or refuse to meet but still play along. How did you find out? Social media?

A lot of people use online dating to bolster their ego and get attention. They also enjoy the interaction and manipulation involved in playing with people's feelings either as themselves or pretending to be other people.

Online dating reflects wider society which is why it's a numbers game.

YOu'll have a better picture of it when you've contacted four hundred women. Sorry but that's the way it works.

it's tough but there are good people out there. Come and join us on the dating thread (search the Relationships Board) then you'll see the range of crazy that's out there!

Perhaps try Guardian Soul Mates or Muddy Matches.