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Original poster

Disillusioned with Dating sites

53 replies

Moncapetan · 28/08/2017 23:21

Ok let me start by saying that i am a man. If it is wrong for me to post this then I appologise and i will remove it. BUT i really would like to know peoples thoughts.

Is there anybody else who is absolutly disillusioned with Dating websites.

Since my wife left me a year ago for the last 4 months i have joined a number of dating websites (tinder etc). So far i have met 4 really lovely ladies. Except when I asked about meeting up I then found out that all four were men posing as women. After doing more research I have found that many of the women on the dating sites are actually men posing as women.

As a genuine man looking for a genuine lady, what am i supposed to do. Are there any dating sites which have genuine women on them?

Would love to hear from other men (as well as ladies) as to their experience.

OP posts:
Oliviaoatcake · 29/08/2017 13:25

LesisMiserable A lot of people on Tindr set up fake Facebook accounts to avoid being found and their contacts being harvested.

PaganGoddessBrigid · 29/08/2017 16:06

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt that is so so true! I began this process telling the truth about my age. I'm a woman in her forties and I was open to meeting anybody from about 3 years younger to 7 years older but I met so many men lying about their age (not because they feel 55 is old but because they feel entitled to meet 35 year olds). So I had to kill my profile and redo it with 3 years shaved off my DOB just so that I turn up in the searches of the men I'd chance meeting!

One man, I messaged him (he was about five years older than I am I think, if his age was real) and he wrote back to vent about women scamming him, telling him their mother is in the phillipines and needs an operation! ha ha. I can't help thinking that if somebody replies to you and you know hand on heart that they can (to be brutal) do better then be aware.

NearlyFree17 · 29/08/2017 16:11

Well that is weird OP. Were they actually cross-dressers?

Then again online dating is weird. I had three first dates in a row which I thought went well but the guys all disappeared afterwards!
It doesn't seem to matter which site you use there are idiots on all of them.
I have my Tinder profile set up to show men and women and the men outnumber the women around here by about 20:1. However despite that, I am still single!

demirose87 · 29/08/2017 16:23

I've never heard of this. I did online dating for about 2.5 years before I met my partner. From all the men I met, they were all genuinely who they said they were. However there are some fakes on there but they are usually easy to spot. They normally have either no pics or are professional pics of models or similar, and don't have any natural pictures. Their professions normally sound too good to be true as well. I had one guy whose pic was of a fireman, obviously taken off the internet. He went on about how he had saved many lives on 9/11 and other terror attacks. These people are easy to see through if you have your guard up and are sensible. Chat to a few on the phone before meeting and also don't leave it too long before meeting so you can quickly establish they are who they say they are. Good luck.

gunsandbanjos · 29/08/2017 16:25

Wow that's weird! Never heard of that before.
I met my fiancé online on POF, there's were a few oddballs but I just blocked them.

SummerRayne17 · 29/08/2017 21:35

Never heard of that before, how strange!

In my experience, you are better off joining a dating site where you have to pay. The people on there will have been verified and are more likely serious about finding someone to have a lasting relationship with.

Free Sites like Plenty of Fish are mostly used by men who are only after a shag or cheating on their partners!

Good luck with it all!

WinchestersInATardis · 29/08/2017 21:46

I've heard of it. I believe it's quite common. There's the scammers but also apparently quite a few men who get off on pretending to be women. Confused. Very weird.
I will say that I think it's hard for both sexes on there - for women because you get bombarded with married men and sex pests, and for men, because all the latter make it difficult for a decent guy to be spotted above the noise.
OP, my advice is to make sure you have a well written profile with no spelling errors, and always send a message that is personally written for the recipient based on their profile.
There are a huge number of men who just send out 'Hi' or 'Tell me about yourself' to every female in a 100 mile radius, and most women just delete anything that looks like that's what it might be.
Good luck. And don't give up hope. Online dating is weird but patience is key.

Lovemusic33 · 29/08/2017 21:49

I have been OLD for awhile, have had people lie about age and a few that have turned out to be happily married but no one has lied about their sex.

I don't think I will meet 'the one' on OLD as most people on there seem to be hiding things.

Trills · 29/08/2017 21:51

If you're expecting people on Mumsnet to say "oh I am a genuine lady looking for a genuine man, let me DM you" you are in for a disappointment.

Worriedrose · 29/08/2017 22:09

Are you just going for profiles that look "magazine" model like?
I'm sure if you went for a normal (I use the term loosely) woman there wouldn't be as much of a problem
But maybe I'm wrong

SummerRayne17 · 29/08/2017 23:40

Good point Worried

Probably less chance of a bloke posing as an "average woman"

Belle89 · 29/08/2017 23:51

So many failed dates where I have wanted to leave as soon as I have arrived! I have now joined walking groups etc. Even just making friends and socialising more I think is what I need. I have come to the conclusion a man won't make me happy. If it's ment to be it'll happen.

Belle89 · 29/08/2017 23:54

OLD brings out the weird ones thats for sure

nappyrat · 29/08/2017 23:56

I've met 4 lovely guys OLD. It has done wonders for my confidence but sadly no spark as yet with anyone...

I agree that it's a numbers game...which is hard when you're paying for babysitters every time you give it a go...

Holowiwi · 30/08/2017 00:30

Hmm never had that problem and I met plenty (perks of living in London)
Did have a friend say one of his friends was invited to a 'womans' house only to find out it was a man who was just lonely and wanted someone to talk to he invited the friend in and the guy accepted watched a movie had a chat and a drink and went home.

Totally bizarre.

peaandhamsoup · 30/08/2017 00:36

I've been catfished. Horrible feeling.

In my case it's usually Asian men posing as black men. It wouldn't bother me if they simply messaged as who they were but why pretend to be a completely different ethnicity than what you are?

However I did notice when I signed up that there's an option to tick no to dating transgender so they can't message you if you tick that preference. I'm guessing you missed that tick box for it to be so frequent

PaganGoddessBrigid · 30/08/2017 01:06

Haven't heard of that one before! Do they use a random black guy's photo? Not a magazine photo, a realistic one but one that is not them and a different race?

why !

peaandhamsoup · 30/08/2017 01:10

I've had both - photos that turned out to actually be their "mates photo"

And also ones which are professionally done that specifically make them look either mixed/or even black. Those ones creep me out the most - why tick you're mixed or black and go to that length when as soon as we meet in person it will be quite clear you've hidden your ethnicity on purpose. It's fine to just be who you are plus the accent is an immediate giveaway

Timefortea99 · 30/08/2017 22:09

A middle aged friend of my cousin started dating someone she met on a site. He said he was Italian - but when we met him at a social function he was clearly Asian with a London accent. My cousin tried to tell her friend to be cautious - if he was lying about his nationality, what else was he fibbing about. She wasn't having it though, insisted he was Italian. A dark skinned Italian.

She had just come out of a marriage to an alcoholic- she was vulnerable.

He also used to wear shoes about 4 sizes too big, and wore lots of socks to keep them on.

debbs77 · 30/08/2017 22:40

The whole OLD thing is so frustrating at the moment

Matched with guys 200 miles away. And the same faces every day for those local to me.

Even paid sites aren't proving to be any better

peaandhamsoup · 30/08/2017 23:43

I'm scared to go back on. Is it too much to ask to just find someone healthy and lovely!!

Lovemusic33 · 31/08/2017 10:09

debbs I find it the same, same old faces Local to me, I get excited when someone messages me, click on their profile and they are 100 miles away.

I met someone last week on Tinder but they were here on a weekend break, they live about 70 miles away, it's a shame as he's lovely, we are meeting up again but I don't think it will work in the longterm.

debbs77 · 01/09/2017 08:19

Even the paid up ones.....just not worth the money

thecakefairy · 01/09/2017 17:38

Just listening to the news on the way home and a man had been put inside for 5 months for posing as a woman on dating sites with fake photos.
He then charged them money for naked photos.
Or at least asked them. Can't remember.

emilybrontescorset · 01/09/2017 18:19

Wow I haven't heard of this.
I did get messaged by a cross dresser once, very odd, I just deleted him.
There are lots of weirdos on sites as there are in real life.
I would keep trying.
Good advice up thread to have a detailed profile and send personalised messages rather than just hi.
I also avoided anyone without a detailed profile, there is no way I'm going to ask someone basic details about themselves.
You could also ask to speak to someone in person before you meet, thus might help.
Also avoid any woman who looks like a model. They are probably men!

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