Feel trapped by my life

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I feel exhausted and joyless. I'm a single parent but there are days when I genuinely wish I could just walk away. I love my dc dearly anx i know I am lucky that ex H has them every other weekend. But I'm finding that I'm not looking forward to them coming home. The 3 of them argue a lot and I feel useless and inadequate as a parent. I just want some space to be alone. I see this as the rest of my life for however many years and I know I'm terrible for feeling this way. They are my dc and I should love every moment with them and I am v v lucky to have the summer hols off with them.

That's a very brave post. I'm sure you're a wonderful mum. I don't have any advice to offer but you sound very overwhelmed just now. Take care

Could your ex have maybe different children at different weekends so you get to have quality time with one and get to really reconnect on a one to one basis? It's only an idea and I appreciate it may not be possible!

He won't. They've just come back and said he didn't have toothbrushes for them for gods sake!!!!

You are not useless or a bad mum, many feel this way, just aren't asbrave as you to say it!!

I don't feel like feelings can be wrong. I hate the way mothers are condemned for feeling a particular way.

When I had my son I spent the first few years feeling very low and felt like everyday was ground hog day. It takes a brave person to admit to such feelings. I'm guessing you are a bit list in motherhood and have maybe lost touch with the person you feel you once was? What do you do when your ex has the children? Do you do stuff just for you or boring things like clean the house?

I do feel like I'm not me anymore. I do nice things sometimes but then it makes it worse when I have to go back to my real life again.

I see you hat you are saying, you do the old you things but it makes you crave and miss them more? I didn't feel like me for years. It was the not seeing people outside my home life that made me feel so bad, when I started working again I gradually started to feel like a real human being again.
I found meeting up with my mates very helpful too, even if I took my son a long, baby and kids clubs are good too even though I hated the thought of it once I was actually there I felt a bit better.
Having a family is hard, and I'm not a single parent so I do feel for you!

Why on earth do you think you should love every moment with them? Kids are usually VERY HARD WORK and you've got unattainable expectations of yourself/family life if you think you should love every minute. And I couldn't bear an entire summer holiday with mine! I fell into a severe depression when my DS was a toddler as I was so utterly miserable with my set up. Most parents struggle loads, you are not alone.

And we all miss the ease of our old life. My DC are on holiday for a week with DGP's and my DH and I keep looking at each other in disbelief at how easy & quiet today is.

I would love a week's break. They are back and playing nicely. I think sometimes it because I never get a minute of solitude. As an introvert that is really tough.

I'm not surprised you are feeling shit, at least as a couple one of you can pop to the shops alone or go out for a bit of a break from them.

I'm a lone parent. I do take breaks away every so often. I'm lucky I have a live in nanny (out of necessity for my career)

When I travel for work or when I take a short break it does make a massive difference. I get to just be me rather than bread winner and mum.

Can he have them for the half term in October for a few days? Honestly you are not bad for feeling this way. X

I posted a thread about the summer hols being tough a while ago. It ended up on the MN Facebook page and I got torn apart for being so ungrateful. Truthfully I think I'm depressed at the moment but I'm struggling to muster up the energy to care.

He won't have them apart from every other weekend. No point asking him at all.

I'm an introvert too and that loss of quiet alone time is really hard to handle. It does get easier as they get older but I appreciate you need to cope with it now.
Have you ever tried anything like yoga or mindfulness? Its the best form of exercise for an introvert! Its hard to get off my arse and actually do it, but when I take even just a few mins for a bit of yoga I feel lots better for it. There are loads of videos online but they vary a lot in quality, some of the best are on www.doyogawithme.com/yoga_classes, the majority of their videos are free.

Thank you. I'll try some yoga tonight. It should be getting easier now. Dd1 is 11. But she's quite stroppy atm which is hard.

Hi OP.

I totally get it. I'm a widowed lone parent so I have my two (3and 7) all of the time. I am very introverted. The lack of mental headspace and alone time is exhausting. I hate lone parenting, it is not what I signed for. I love my children but they talk/moan/bicker constantly - like all kids.

Do you work? I work four days a week. I'd go mad as a SAHM. I also use a babysitter about once a week - she does bedtime which gives me a break from that chore.

I am very strict on bedtimes also so I get an evening to myself. Means they are early risers but that is fine.

EOW is a lot of free time - perhaps you need to focus on really enjoying this time?

I have also used a lot of guided meditations for depression/anxiety (loads on youtube) I listen to them in bed as I go to sleep and they do help as well.
Sorry you're feeling this way, but please don't feel guilty. Society expects mothers to be perfect but we are all just real, imperfect people and our dc are real and imperfect too.

HI OP, I totally get you. I'm a single parent and my ex has the kids EOW. I really enjoy my time away from them and rarely miss them. I know that sounds awful buts its true. I love them to bits and would do anything for them but they fight night and day and it drives me insane.

My ex had them for 2 long spells over the summer and I could do what I wanted every night (something I don't usually get) and it felt great. I also felt guilty about this.

Don't beat yourself up about feeling like this. Its quite natural and being a single parent is hard. Like a previous poster said, when you have a partner, you can take turns to have time out. You have to rely on EOW which actually isn't that much time alone in my opinion.

Sorry to hear you are struggling OP. It can be relentless esp when you are on your own. Well done on your honesty.

Sorry to hear you ended up the subject of a MN FB post. Try to ignore the feedback, nobody knows how it is to be you.

Have you been to the Dr about the depression? Anti ds might help you function better for a bit.

Also, you might not feel up to this now but I attended a parenting course as I wanted better behaved kids. I found it really useful. It does mean more effort on my part but it has helped with their behaviour. They do a book

www.amazon.co.uk/Real-Parenting-Kids-Enabling-Children/dp/1910056308?tag=mumsnetforum-21

Lastly, please be kind to yourself and ensure your standards are realistic. The kids need to be fed & looked after. Beyond that can be extra stuff, focus on getting by for now.

I feel the same OP.
I work 3 days which sometimes is the only thing that keeps me going.
I hate the weekends when its just me and them, I really try to plan little days out to tire them out and they seem less 'amplified' when outdoors although thats a different stress in itself.
Youngest will be at school next year which im sure will make things more bearable.
Its a hard slog and utterly relentless.
I do love my children but if I had my time again im not sure I would have had any children.

I work full time but I'm a teacher so it's term time only. I wouldn't have had children if I'd known how hard it would be and that I would end up alone. I'm failing them as a parent and I don't have the energy to change things

I don't think you are failing them and you are far from alone in how you feel.