AN OPEN LETTER TO THE OTHER WOMAN
Its been a year. A year since my relationship fell apart. All those years of hard work, love, heartache, all that effort that I put into that relationship had evaporated in seconds that day.
I'd just given birth to my second baby boy. My first with my boyfriend. It was one of the happiest times of my life. Being in the hospital with the man I loved, bringing his child into the world. Watching him look at his son in awe. It brought us together. Or so I thought it did.
We were ready to take him home, but then he was taken away that day to the special care unit with a heart problem. I was heartbroken, scared. I'd already gone through this with my first son, watching him for weeks wondering if he's going to be okay. Not that you would know that.
The day we got the all clear to bring him home, I was ecstatic. That was it, my family would be complete. It lasted all of a day. The following day, I discovered you.
I didn't have a gut feeling this time. I genuinely thought everything was perfect.
Being in a relationship with someone in the army is hard. It's lonely. It sets off my anxieties and my depression. But I put everything I had and risked my mental health to be with this person because I loved him. Throw in a pregnancy as well and it's even harder. He wasn't there for much of it. That wasn't his fault, but it's the truth.
Our relationship mainly existed by phone. He was away a lot. Of course, you would know that. I was so lonely. I used to wait by the phone 24/7 just to get his call or text. That even took over the majority of my days. His messages felt special to me. They were all I had when he wasn't here and I was missing him.
But all the time, he had you.
It was the second day that our baby had come home from hospital. We took him to see his grandad for the first time. It was special. I used his phone to call my mum. My phone had died. He followed me to the garden. He stood over me while I was on the phone. I hung up and there you were. Months worth of conversation. Kisses, cute nicknames, photos of my new born son. You were a stranger to me. But somehow you knew everything. He was so nice to you. Nicer than he ever was to me. But I used to think that was okay.
My heart stopped. I felt it. All of a sudden, everything I felt in that hospital became a lie.
He used to stay at the hospital all day. Then he'd go home and leave us there. When the baby was in special care, we used to take it in turns to go to the hospital as I had another son to take care of. All that time, he was talking to you. He'd come home after leaving me and his son and speak to you.
All those times I would wait for him to contact me, he'd be speaking to you.
He was distant from me. But not with you. You were his second woman. You were his go to woman. Not me. But I was carrying his child.
To you, it was just talk. He probably made you happy. You made him happy, not me. I wasn't enough anymore.
Did you even know about me? Maybe you knew everything about me.
That day I found you, it smashed everything to pieces. My happiness went. He left me and his child. I was in pain. Emotionally and physically from the birth. I couldn't even pick the baby up because I was in so much pain.
To you, it was probably just talk. You're probably thinking, what is she kicking off about? But I know there was more to it. I know women. I know men. But it was the months of lies and deceit.
After he left, I got sick. I lost my mind. I became a danger to myself. I would hallucinate. I was convinced that someone was out to steal my children and that they weren't safe. I became mentally unwell for months. I was traumatised. One minute I had everything, and the next minute I had nothing. He still spoke to you while I was going through all that. He probably never told you how much I suffered and put my children at risk. It was frightening. I didn't know what I was doing, it was like I was another person. I fell apart. This caused my mum to have a breakdown. She was off work for 3 months because of what happened and how much I lost my mind. Everyone was collateral damage.
Eventually, he came back. It was never the same again. My trust had been broken for good. For the best part of a year, I didn't understand what it was. What this relationship you had was. If it was just a friendship then why didn't I know about you? I had no idea. But then recently someone explained to me. They explained why I hurt so much. It was an emotional affair. He may not have physically cheated on me, but he was dedicated to you. The other woman. You knew more about him than I did. I was merely a woman who was carrying his child.
I think about you every day. I've seen your photos. You're pretty. You're everything that I'm not. Sometimes I wish I was you, because you probably got to know him better in ways that I never did.
I want you to know how much damage the pair of you caused. To me, my children, my family. Your 'affair' with my boyfriend had a knock on affect on a lot of people, not just me.
I will never get closure. I will never trust again. To you, it's nothing. To me, it's everything. My 6 year relationship has been damaged and pushed to its limits.
I've been told not to blame you and blame him. But you talked back. I would never dream of having such an intense relationship with a man who had a pregnant girlfriend. Did you ever stop to think that it was weird? Did you ever stop to think what I would think about your relationship?
I reached out to you after he left and you blanked me. I needed answers. And I never got that from you so the pain lasted even longer to the point where I lost my mind and my sanity.
I hate the fact that you just carry on with your life like nothing. I'm writing this in the hope it gets to you one day and you know what damage you both caused.
My relationship will never be the same again. My son will never have a happy mother and father like I wanted. You caused that.
I hope that one day someone hurts you as bad as you both hurt me.
I will never get that time back with the birth of my son. It's been tainted by me discovering you.
I hope that when you become a parent one day you will look back on this and understand my heartache and how important those moment and memories are.