Hubby issues

[ruthieruthuk]

Ok so the last few days I been having a rough few days with husband so looking for other people's views.

I passed my driving test on Friday last week, hubby was happy.

I am 7 months pregnant.

Yesterday husband arranged interview in neighbouring town, I decided to go with him, for the driving experience most of all, when I got to destination I needed the toilet, dropped him and drove around looking for somewhere but felt a little scared driving alone on strange roads I'd not used before n felt I'd probably bitten off more than I could chew so pulled in at garage n bought drink and snack, asked them if they had a toilet however they didn't, hubby phoned and I went and picked him up, was just around the corner and explained to hubby I was bursting could I run into office where he had had interview and use toilet, hubby wasn't happy about it but I was in pain being 7months pregnant n didn't feel I could hold it any longer so I went anyway, they were fine with it, however hubby wasn't and said it was strange I didn't find somewhere while he was having interview, this place was in a middle of a industrial estate and reason above I didn't feel confident in car, told him this but it didn't seem to sink in, he said he could of found me somewhere once interview was finished.

Anyway I went off on one n felt annoyed, he then went on to ask me why I had even bothered to go with him that I should of just stayed at home n gone to bed or something! I thought it would be nice thing me get extra experience n me drive him to his interview to show my support.

He said reason he didn't want me using toilet there is he told them I was immobile because I suffer from SPD and Sciatica (pregnancy related) I'm not immobile but have been having some pain, he said the reason he said that so he could work from home a little more so he could help with the kids.

Today he has been really off with me and attitude, rude to my friends, blanked them and completely stressed me out cos his behaviour, I have cried and he doesn't seem to care, can't help it but said if this is how this contract is making u act then it's me or the contract, he is currently downstairs signing it and doing the paperwork, said he doesn't respond to threats! But was I wrong to expect a little more respect? Or am I just an emotional wreck?

Sorry rather long just feeling rock bottom :(

So he's basically annoyed you went to the toilet after he told you not to?

I don't think H being angry at his pregnant wife for needing to use the bathroom constitutes you being an emotional wreck. You are feeling upset by his behaviour and understandably so. What is your relationship like generally? It could be that you are both in different ways feeling stressed/ tired... with work and impending arrival of new baby. Honestly, what stood out to me from your post was the fact that your H had lied to his new client/ employer, about your situation... and moreover then expects you to play along. Fair enough if he needs to work flexibly from home for childcare, but transparency is often the best policy... we are lucky to be of an age where this is often casually accepted by even the most corporate of companies.

Congratulations on your driving test btw!

One one hand, I would be pretty hacked off with you to be honest. A job interview is an important thing and his thing. Supporting your partner is fine but in my experience going to interviews and job hunting needs to be done independently. It's about ownership.

However, you're pregnant and it's understandable. He's possibly stressed, embarrassed he said about you having sciatica 🙄. Maybe he is under pressure to get this job and feeling it?

Leave him to handle these tasks by himself. A journey to an interview wasn't the best time for you to practice driving. He needs to drive himself. Good luck!

Looking back yeah I wish I hadn't bothered going along and could of got on with some things at home, but it just seemed a really good opportunity to get some additional experience at the time.

If I could of managed without going to the toilet I would have but at the time when u need to go u need to go! I didn't expect his reaction to be like that.. If it had been him in my shoes I wouldn't of had an issue.

Relationship is usually fine, get on ok but just feel rubbish now at his behaviour and really upset/stressed.

He throws it out I'm not supportive over his contract, however I drove him to the door and picked him up at the door, yes i popped into use the toilet for a quick pee but wasn't an issue to anyone apart from him!

They love to rant and rave don't they. I now just totally leave mine to it.

And yes, when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Stop thinking about this and focus on you. He will come round but you need rest and quiet.

Well done on your driving test! I couldn't pass mine pregnant. 🎉

While you really shouldn't have done what you did his behaviour is completely disproportionate (unless this is in the context of long term unemployment and he found out that he didn't get the job and blames you for it for example).

Last thing I would want in an interview situation is my DH popping in for a wee.

I think it oversteps boundaries and undermines home to an extent. As an employer I would wonder why two people needed to come along for the interview.

He throws it out I'm not supportive over his contract, however I drove him to the door and picked him up at the door, yes i popped into use the toilet for a quick pee but wasn't an issue to anyone apart from him!

You are dismissive of him here, he asked you not to and you did it anyway. He is upset about it. I think you need to acknowledge you we're in the wrong, and that it made him feel uncomfortable - not unreasonably. Apologise and move on.

You going too will have exacerbated his nerves if he is like me. And it was intrusive to go in to the place of work after the interview, it risks making a bad impression, even if that is unfair.

Op I think it was bonkers of you to drive him ( you're a new driver, he would have been nervous enough about an interview) and then to pop in and go for a wee made him look unprofessional. I don't know what position the interview was for, but I'd be put off offering a job to someone whose wife tagged along and then couldn't find a toilet on her own. I'd not dream of doing this. You've justified this in your head but as an employer I'd be thinking he might get called out for all sorts of 'emergencies'. I've seen this numerous times, people in senior positions rushing home for non events, and leaving their colleagues in the shit.
His reaction does seem extreme, so he's either unreasonable, or you have form for this type of thing.

I would absolutely hate if l was going for an interview and my dh asked to use their bathroom. At interview l have my professional hat on and am in that zone. For him to come into that space would wreck my head. I think you are completely ignoring your dps genuine upset here. He said he wasnt happy and you completely ignored him. I know work didnt refuse or even blink an eye but it was putting him in an uncomfortable position. Even reading it l am thinking..no please dont tell me you went in to interview place...no dont do it!!.
So my suggestion is an apology and acknowledgement of his discomfort.
Also an interview is too important to mix it up with practicing driving. Full focus is needed.

So he told them in the iv that you have mobility issues and he would need to work from home some days.

And then you burst in, clearly mobile and use the loo.

Your actions made him look like a liar. He should have been more clear about what he didn't want you to go in.

I understand why at 7 months of you really needed to go. But I can also see why he is upset. He'll also be feeling embarrassed and like he won't be offered the job.

I would hate it if my OH wanted to use the loo after an interview. Both myself and my partner have successful careers but interviews are conducted individually.
I would be embarrassed by my OH if he did what you did.
Pregnancy or not he should have gone on his own. You are very wrong to give him an ultimatum.

Your actions made him look like a liar.

Because he had lied.

I don't believe she should have gone on the trip in the first place and I don't believe she was reasonable to nip in for a pee risking making him look unprofessional in front of his prospective employers. However, there is only one person to blame for him being found out for lying and that is the teller of the lie.

Sorry OP, you were totally in the wrong. Firstly you don't tag along to a job interview, you're not his mum. Secondly, what you did afterwards must have been extremely embarrassing for him. Now he'll forever be known as the candidate whose wife needed a wee. Yes, you should have just stayed at home. Poor man!

Sadly I'm with others here - going in to use the toilet could have reflected badly on him because it's unprofessional to have family come with you to an interview (and he lied). I interview people lots and wrongly I would judge him for your actions. I think you need to apologise for your side in this and move on.

You really shouldn't have gone in there, that's beyond awkward! I'd be pissed off with DH if he did this to me. Being pregnant is no excuse, you should have just asked at the garage where a mcdonalds, Tesco etc was and gone there. You need to apologise OP.

I think you are BU you decided to go with him for the driving experience. You weren't confident. What would have been your reaction if he had said no?

You know you are likely to need the loo more often at 7 months pregnant so should have considered this before your trip.

DH said he would rather you didn't use the toilet where he had just been on an interview but you did anyway.

They are all your own choices and yet you went off on one?

Whether he stretched the truth in interview or not, you have embarrassed him and yet you are the one crying because he doesn't care?

Its not the contract making him feel like that its your actions around the interview. And giving him an ultimatum me or the contract?

Because he had lied.

Absolutely. Bit poorly phrased on my part. Should have said " your actions showed him to be a liar to his potential new employers". Op wasn't to know that.

Sounds like he was just stretching the truth. I had SPD and it did vary and also got worse as pg progressed. But after claiming his dw was bed bound, there is no room for recovery.

The driving him to iv issue is all a red herring imo. I agree with op that it's a good idea to get all the practice/experience in you can. That is how you become a confident driver.

I don't understand in what way you driving him was supporting your husband. You even say that it was good practice for your driving.

There was nothing supportive in your gesture - you did it for your benefit. Fine. But don't turn it around when you then embarrass him at his place of interview that it's his fault and why is he angry when all you're trying to do is be supportive.

You've made it all about you.

Ouch, some shit responses. I don't understand why the very pregnant OP can't use a toilet. He'd had his interview, even if OP had mobility issues doesn't mean she can't drive/use the toilet. He shouldn't have lied to his employers, it's not the OP's fault that he did. Also can't understand why a few of you would be so bothered if your partner used a toilet after your interview, wouldn't bother me at all

And there's no excuse for his behaviour afterwards, ignoring, being rude etc.

You popped in to his potential employers to have a wee right after his job interview? 😳

Also you used the drive to his job interview as driving practise? I think you're being very unreasonable and should apologise,

Ok I think it's fair to say it's something I shouldn't of done, but at the time I didn't really feel I had much option and didn't think it would be a big deal, I guess I just didn't think things through at the time.. I've never been to an interview with him before this is the first one so it's not something I have done before! Neither will again.

It's the attitude which has been upsetting me most, said in future I would leave him to it re interviews and explained my reasons and that it won't be happening again, and well and truly learnt from experience, but like he has been moody and short with me ever since.. Like the other day I asked how his dad was and I got he's fine comment back, and went on to ask him other things to which I got similar responses, ended up giving up trying to communicate n went to bed unhappy and miserable, I'm getting pretty fed up now because I've got our baby to think about and all this stress won't be doing him any good.

He got the contract, he started this morning so we now have some space from each other, wished him luck and said hope it goes well, ok and out of the door, no how are you feeling nothing, probably don't deserve it but just would of been nice as I not exactly been feeling great these last few days.

I would of thought he would of been over joyed snd put my mistake in put in the past, but no, not sure what's going on with him anymore, he didn't even say bye to the kids, surely he can't still be upset about the other day...