Hubby issues

[ruthieruthuk]

Ok so the last few days I been having a rough few days with husband so looking for other people's views.

I passed my driving test on Friday last week, hubby was happy.

I am 7 months pregnant.

Yesterday husband arranged interview in neighbouring town, I decided to go with him, for the driving experience most of all, when I got to destination I needed the toilet, dropped him and drove around looking for somewhere but felt a little scared driving alone on strange roads I'd not used before n felt I'd probably bitten off more than I could chew so pulled in at garage n bought drink and snack, asked them if they had a toilet however they didn't, hubby phoned and I went and picked him up, was just around the corner and explained to hubby I was bursting could I run into office where he had had interview and use toilet, hubby wasn't happy about it but I was in pain being 7months pregnant n didn't feel I could hold it any longer so I went anyway, they were fine with it, however hubby wasn't and said it was strange I didn't find somewhere while he was having interview, this place was in a middle of a industrial estate and reason above I didn't feel confident in car, told him this but it didn't seem to sink in, he said he could of found me somewhere once interview was finished.

Anyway I went off on one n felt annoyed, he then went on to ask me why I had even bothered to go with him that I should of just stayed at home n gone to bed or something! I thought it would be nice thing me get extra experience n me drive him to his interview to show my support.

He said reason he didn't want me using toilet there is he told them I was immobile because I suffer from SPD and Sciatica (pregnancy related) I'm not immobile but have been having some pain, he said the reason he said that so he could work from home a little more so he could help with the kids.

Today he has been really off with me and attitude, rude to my friends, blanked them and completely stressed me out cos his behaviour, I have cried and he doesn't seem to care, can't help it but said if this is how this contract is making u act then it's me or the contract, he is currently downstairs signing it and doing the paperwork, said he doesn't respond to threats! But was I wrong to expect a little more respect? Or am I just an emotional wreck?

Sorry rather long just feeling rock bottom :(

You shouldn't have gone with him or if you had you should have kept well away
As a woman who has been 7 month pg and desperate for the loo would have had some sympathy but as a potential employer I would think it was a bit unprofessional on your husbands part
You could have cost him the job, imnot surprised he's upset

Just seen update - glad he got the job

Oh, you have a sulker on your hands, no advice, I don't know if you can ever change them. What you did was crappy and it's ok for him to feel annoyed but behaving like that towards you is just so awful, I wouldn't be able to stand it.

Everyone has said u shouldn't have gone with him and stuff. I think they r right but I also believe that if he was that uncomfotable with u tagging along then he should have said no and explained why. Also he should have given u the heads up that he was going to lie about ur mobility. If that was me I would be pretty annoyed that he didn't consult me first. He has no one to blame but himself.

The whole issue is small. Perhaps u should just be the bigger person, apologise and get over it. U have more important things to worry about. U have a baby on the way. U both need to concentrate on that. What's been done can't be undone so just move on. I know it's hard. I always have to have the last say with my dp and he likewise. But some things aren't worth fighting about. U have to pick ur battles.

You've got at least one child at home. You're about to have another. Your dh is interviewing for jobs - was he out of work? Were family finances resting on this? Are you earning at the moment? You don't say. He started his new job today. I don't blame him for being a little tense. He may chill a bit now he's got his first day over.

When I was pregnant I became all about me. I was the only important thing in the world. Everything else was insignificant. To him, while I'm sure you're up there in his top priorities, for this morning, to him, beginning a new contract was a bit more important to him. Pressure and stress can occsionally make us seem thoughtless and uncaring.

good post dontfuckingsaycheese

This was very bad behaviour on your part. You undermined the embellishment he told as a way of potentially being more present for his family, and it's also just flat out embarrassing.

Being pregnant is not a medical condition and I dont think it should be used as an excuse for either feeling upset about this or having failed to find an appropriate bathroom to use.

I would be extremely pissed off if I were him, more so because the fact that you decided to drive him for your benefit (to practice) and the fact you thought this was acceptable, suggests to me that you may have a tendency to put yourself first.

Especially not on when it potentially sabotages employment for the man you will be relying on financially, whether temporarily or permanently.

Personally i would rather have risked wetting myself than gatecrash my partners interview.

Sorry if this is harsh.

Oh god I would have rather pissed in a bottle in the car or something than go and ask to use the loo of somewhere dh had just had an interview! Do you not want him to get the job? Cringing for the poor guy.

As an employer I'd be angry that a candidate had lied about his family circumstances . I need to be able to trust my staff so I wouldn't hire him.

I wouldn't care about anyone using the loo and I probably wouldn't know anyway as I'm not on reception.

I'm amazed how many people think that lying is ok but peeing isn't . All my staff pee in the loos and if their partners were at work for some reason ( meeting for lunch ) they are also free to use the loos.

I'm glad most of you don't work for me, you have a warped sense of values.

especially not on when it potentially sabotages employment for the man you will be relying on financially, whether temporarily or permanently

Well I guess they will be replying on each other, as he will be relying on her for childcare. And you have no idea if she gets maternity pay or has savings to fund her maternity leave.

Just a tad sexist I think.

She does say relying on financially kr1stina, which I imagine she will be. Unless she has incredibly generous maternity pay she will be earning less than usual and therefore relying on dh financially more than before.

I'm just pointing out that he will be relying on her too, it not all one way. If he didn't have her to look after his baby and do housework and wifework , he would have to pay for a full time nanny and part time housekeeper.

Her work has a financial value too.

Not on at all to use the loo at his interview location. You should have found somewhere when driving around: taking personal responsibility for that kind of thing is just part of driving/being an adult!

He was U to raise and exaggerate your health situation during the interview and to behave as he's done afterwards.

Sorry OP, but I would be angry too. Not nice of him to sulk, but that was probably quite humiliating for him.

I think you are in the wrong, I would have been embarrassed if my partner did that when I had just come out of an interview. It's not professional. You're an adult, you can hold it until you find a toilet.

Whats "wifework" got to do with anything? Complete strawman.

Im saying if your husband is in the process of inrerviewing for a job that will a) allow him to spend more time at home with you and b) provides income at a time when you arent able to work, dont undermine that.

You undermined the embellishment he told

It was not an embellishment, it was a great whopping lie. Why? Because of his intent. He was making up a story specifically to try and get more leeway to work from home so he could spend more time with his family. First off, the key word in "working from home" is work. If you're working from home you're meant to be working, not changing nappies or helping your wife with childcare.

Second, when employees tell lies to get time off or more flexible working they risk ruining things for the entire workforce. Nobody likes being taken for a mug , managers included. If a manager gets caught out by that kind of lie and finds out he's going to be far less trusting and it's going to be much harder for employees with genuine needs to get allowances made.

Me or the contract is absolutely bonkers. This isn't another woman, this is about financial security. I've been 7 months pregnant so I know emotional volatility but that is deeply unreasonable.

Aside from that - I would be really embarrassed if my DP asked to use the loo of somewhere I'd just tried to secure a job for. Even without the lie. It just seems, odd. You could have asked any number of companies on the industrial estate using the reason of being pregnant and you wouldn't have had to come into contact with your husbands potential employees.

You say 'I'll let him do interview on his own now' as if you routinely observe or hang around when he has them - is there more to this OP? Do you have trust issues, which may explain why you've reacted so emotionally to him sulking?

No trust issues, I had parked up to pick him up, I didn't properly go into the office as the toilet was in reception, i didn't walk through an office full working people.

Yes I am a stay at home mum, we have three children soon to be four children, all of young age, I work hard and he does too to provide for the family, so I don't often get chance to gain driving experience but realise now my error

Considering you are 7 months pregnant, he's overreacting.

Holding your bladder with a baby pressing on it is tough. You did very well passing your test BTW and he really should have told you about his lie first.

The loo was in the reception, so it's no big deal. Also you could have been going somewhere afterwards, so it's no big deal that you were with him.

I interview people and their spouse using the loo afterwards wouldn't ever be a problem.

I do get concerned when young people come to interviews with their mum, but that's another story.

I think people think I've walked through a office full of working people, but this is not the case defo not, should of probably mentioned that in my earlier message, wouldn't dare tbh even if I was bursting as that would be a bit you know.. The toilet was defo in reception, n nobody from the office saw me so it's unlikely I've come into contact with any interview people

If the toilet was in the reception, why is he bunting about you 'showing' his lie up - nobody saw you, correct? In which case he's being a bit sulky for no reason?

Maybe the lady in reception that was all. Didn't actually go "into" the office itself

He was being supportive by getting you have driving experience on the way to his interview, and you are trying to call it you being supportive... my job interviews are about me. If I were 7 pregnant and my dh had s job interview he would expect me to be genuinely supportive, not your version. If he horrified if he used my interview place for a bathroom. If he's a sulker and you have bigger problems you should make a new thread, this example doesn't seem relevant. Hw is probably waiting for a proper apology.

Reception/Security staff are often asked by HR/Management how their interaction with the candidate was. We have a dedicated form for this. It's very enlightening believe me and is taken into consideration during the hiring process.