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Original poster

Says other woman is 'his kindred spirit'

60 replies

septemberfields · 22/08/2017 18:20

OH said to me after a lovely day out that 1 of his female friends (who he has known longer than myself) is his kindred spirit, though he says he does love me & this other woman is married. I've noticed they have chemistry together but was unsure as to what to do/say.

Feel a bit sad and unsure as to what to do now- ignore the comment or question the relationship between myself and him? I have only been with OH for 6 months.

OP posts:
sebumfillaments · 22/08/2017 19:07

Awe he sounds great, you know, having close friendships like this, and sharing that with you.

Oh wait...

thestamp · 22/08/2017 19:14

I don't know... did he say that she is "his kindred spirit"? Or "a kindred spirit".

Because you can be "kindred spirits" with all sorts of people, it's a broadly used expression. I have "kindred spirits" at work, people who really get me and understand why I do or say or focus on certain things. I also have certain friends who feel like a kindred spirit, we just are on the same wavelength in almost every situation.

If my partner used the expression like that, I wouldn't worry much. It's not the kind of concept that is particularly exclusive of others iyswim.

But if he was saying clearly that this lady is special, different, someone who is very specifically a person who understands him in a way no-one else on earth can - that is different. The fact that he'd say it so early on in the relationship, in a way that makes you feel excluded, would lead me to assume he is trying to tell you something.

WhitbyWitch · 22/08/2017 19:20

He sounds like an idiot, and like he may have been reading Anne of Green Gables.

BrandNewHouse · 22/08/2017 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Redcliff · 22/08/2017 19:22

I agree with stamp - I have the same at work (male and female) and there is no hint of attraction either way.

Redcliff · 22/08/2017 19:22

I agree with stamp - I have the same at work (male and female) and there is no hint of attraction either way.

BrandNewHouse · 22/08/2017 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theredjellybean · 22/08/2017 19:25

I would ask him to clarify what he means but in a light hearted way...

kindred spirits can mean all sorts of things to different people..

to me it means someone who is like me...i.e. thinks like me, acts like me, enjoys the stuff i enjoy, has same morals, ethics etc, same politics ,

it is not the same as say the term 'soul mate'

so if he said ' she is a kindred spirit'...i would ask him why he thinks that..might be she and him just both hate their boss and have the same taste in lunchtime sandwhiches

BrandNewHouse · 22/08/2017 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Misstomrs · 22/08/2017 19:33

I agree with the stamp. I have met people who I would consider to be 'kindred spirits' but my husband has some great differences to me and I wouldn't swap him for anyone for anyone else!

To be honest, I think it's less what was said, and more how it was said. You'll probably have had a feel from his tone whether it was threatening or not. If you aren't sure, then ask what he meant. Your 6 months in; don't waste more time with him if he is playing games. You're worth more than that.

StatueInTheSky · 22/08/2017 19:34

you need to take him down...

question him...

was the lovely day not lovely for him, why, how,
would he have preferred something else, with someone else.
why would he say that to you, would he say similar to her, what is he hoping to achieve

and tbh unless he apologises profusely for being such a thoughtless dickslap then move on...you are worth more than second choice for such a knobweasel.

Ktown · 22/08/2017 19:35

Is he a teenager? Tell him to grow up. Having a laugh over a drink not a connection. It is just friendship.

Pearlsablinger · 22/08/2017 19:37

I agree with stamp and jelly bean, a kindred spirit just means 'similar to', not 'perfect together'. Not to be confused with 'soulmate'. I wouldn't worry just based on this. But I'd probably keep my ears pricked for any other info on her ...

BenLui · 22/08/2017 19:38

And if her marriage were to break down...? Hmm

northernlites · 22/08/2017 19:40

Can I just say you are someone's kindred spirit, but your OH is not the one for you.
Out there, somewhere though is your kindred spirit, go and find them and dont waste anymore time with this guy

Dappledsunlight · 22/08/2017 22:13

You need to dig a bit further on this remark. It's not on to describe another woman in this way. What the hell is he talking about?!! You, his partner, should occupy that position, even if he has a connection of some kind, with his friend. Insensitive comment at the very least.

Temprmint · 22/08/2017 22:15

I be off. Disrespectful and not good for your self esteem

SavoyCabbage · 22/08/2017 22:19

Like Anne of Green Gables? The twat.

Hoojimmaflip · 22/08/2017 22:30

OP I have male friends who are a 'kindred spirit' to me. That's the draw that brings us together, but I'll often say to DH "If he were with me I'd kill him". It's because its platonic and I love them but I'd never contemplate them in a sexual way. I feel the same way about my female friends. I couldn't live with them either.

LoveforPGTipsMonkey · 23/08/2017 00:53

Pearl and stamp are right, it just means 'birds of a feather'.

Most posters seem to be thinking it's the same as 'soulmates'. But agree that it's best to ask him what HE meant by the word, OP.

ferando81 · 23/08/2017 01:15

Why would he say that to you,even it was true.To hurt you.

Circumlocutor · 23/08/2017 01:21

He's infatuated with her. I'd bet my last tenner on it.

JuicyCake · 23/08/2017 01:24

I think that he means that they get eachother, he just worded it slightly wrong.
My DH had a female pal, who he's known for years, house shared etc... And who he would be a good match with, if they actually fancied eachother. But they don't.
Difference is me & him get eachother, and want to get into bed together.
So, while it's cool that he rates this lady, it also must be the case that he thinks the same about you. Otherwise...

SweetLuck · 23/08/2017 02:28

Anne of Green Gables Grin

StatueInTheSky · 23/08/2017 09:12

unless there is a massive dripfeed coming from the OP that MrSeptemberfields promptly explained himself along those lines..."MsKindredSpirit is JUST someone who gets me, but I LOVE you, my wife, with all my heart" other heartfelt reassuring phrases are available

then the only reason for him to have said anything of that ilk to the OP was to wrong foot her, to spoil the lovely day they just had, and to make it quite clear that his mind is often elsewhere

Pretty cockish if you ask me.