Ex has wrecked children's holiday

[Totallyfedup1]

Me and my exh have been split 2 years exactly. I'm still in the matrimonial home with his 2 children (8 and 6) as he didn't want to come to an agreement re finances. This house is solely in his name, but as I say we're still married, 9years now. He was advised by the police and my solicitor to keep away from the house when we first split as he was emotionally and physically abusive to me.

He lives in a rented house. He owns 2 other houses which are rented out but are not in his name, all very dodgy. Anyway, we had finally settled on an amount which is very low considering the amount involved, I am just sick and tired of fighting him.

Exh had the children last weekend and dropped them off at mine Monday night. Me and the dc went on holiday Wednesday morning with a big group of friends and all their children, for a close friend's wedding.

We had a lovely first day, kids playing in pool, out for a nice meal in the evening etc. When we got back to the room my mum rang me to say my exh had broken into our home and was packing all our things up to put into storage.

We booked the next flight back from there at a cost of £800, this was then delayed 16 hours. It was horrendous. We finally got back into uk Friday morning. He'd literally cleared everything out and changed the locks. Even took the cutlery, cups and plates.

We got the police involved. They spoke to him.
He told me where the stuff was. Give me the key to the storage container so we could get it back.

His plan was to move me out whilst I was gone. And move himself in.
Then I expect he was never going to pay the divorce settlement.
I don't know if he ever intends on paying it.
I hate him so much. This is awful what he's done, wrecking the children's holiday, having them go through all this, coming home to an empty house. They shouldn't have to see it all.

We've unpacked all the boxes now and our things are back where they should be. But the children are still so upset about what has happened. The eldest is having headaches and has said he's got 'butterflies' in his tummy.

I'm waiting on a call back from my solicitor. I want to see if there is a court order so he can't come in the house again. Just until the divorce is finished.

I've said I won't ever stop the children seeing their dad. But they're getting old enough now to make their own mind up and have said they don't want to see him.

You poor poor thing. Your poor kids. He is beyond a tosser.
Is there any chance you could grab a few days away with the DC but install a friend/family in house while you're away or is it too soon/no £ left? Really feel for you. I would have someone housesit now every time you're away. So sorry you're going through this.

How horrible, what a complete tosser.

It seems you're doing everything right and good job you got there before he'd moved in.

HeebieJeebies456

The divorce is almost finalised. We have decree nisi. Just can't complete until the financial matters are resolved.

Wow

Sending best wishes and hope all resolved so you can stay in your home and he is forever banned from it.

Does the solicitor think you are in a stronger financial position given what he has done? He deserves to be taken to the cleaners. Any chance of this house being signed over to you if he owns other ones. Is there any way you can prove this?

That has to be one of the worst things I have ever read on Mumsnet.

Oh wow, fucking hell he is a piece of work! Who does that to their children?! Definitely don't accept the shitty agreement you made now, take this to court and take everything you can get.

What an awful man.

You need to get your solicitor to enter a 'Notice if Home Rights' against the property with the Land Registry! So he can't sell without your knowledge/consent. You and your children should be permitted exclusive possession of the marital home until (and possibly after) the settlement is concluded.

You have a legal right to occupation for as long as you remain married as it is the marital home. I know it's in his sole name but under UK law all assets (inc property) will be valued (once identified - might be difficult in your case) and used in division settlement.

You could get a Mesher Order (deferred until house is eventually sold in case of family with small children) as part of divorce settlement but your solicitor can better advise.

He is one poor excuse for a human being.

Have you thought about getting CCTV, so at least you are able to feel a little more secure about leaving the house?

You could also phone Citizens Advice whilst waiting for the solicitor to get back to you

Your solicitor is right about the occupation order. You need to get one asap.

You can apply for emergency order free of charge at the national centre for domestic violence however you may need recent use or threat of violence to qualify (I don't know exactly how they apply the criteria).

Otherwise, your solicitor can organise it for you.

Xocaraic
We've done the notice with the land registry. That was one of the first things which was organised thankfully.

Whinesalot
Solicitor said to take it to court now. But I just don't think I've got it in me to fight him anymore.
And no I can't prove anything about the other houses. As they're no longer in his name they're not relevant. He's been very clever where those are concerned.

Chocolateworshipper
I'm going to see about cctv but no idea where to start really. It's needed though as every few months my tyres on my car get slashed.

Look for CCTV that links to your phone, so you can check in when you're not home. There's loads of systems and they aren't that expensive or hard to fit.

Do you have any proof that he used to own the houses? If it's going to end up in court (and in some ways then you won't have to fight him - just get all the evidence together and let a court make the decision) then they won't be impressed if he 'gave away' two houses just to stop you from getting a share of them.

Going to court may be better for you. Longer & more paperwork, yes, but someone else makes the decision & enforces it.It stops being your fight so much.

If you don't get an occupation order, then he could move back in again if you are out for a few hours. An occupation order will prevent that.

What's the plan for the house and finances after divorce?

What an animal.
A hateful thing to do.

I wouldn;t worry about the holiday - the house thing is a far bigger issue.
Hopefully you'll be rid of him soon.

Is there any proof that they ever belonged to him while you were married and when they, ahem, stopped belonging to him?

Please try and fight him. We mumsnetters will be 100% with you to support you. This total excuse of a man does not deserve anything nice to happen to him. I'm thinking impaling is too good for him.

This truly is horrendous.
I'm so sorry this has happened. What a dick!

CCTV, 2 big fucking dogs and a baseball bat

Sorry I don't condone violence but the man deserves a fucking slap

Please pursue the financial settlement in court, it will ensure the best outcome for you and DC. I did and it ended up in me getting an additional £120k out of exH.

If he has moved properties out of his name your solicitor can trace this through the land registry. They can then be part of the final settlement. Whether he has sold them or transferred them, they will still count. I know this from experience.

Good Lord OP, that's really exceptionally messed up behaviour.

Do listen to your solicitor about making a proper financial application. This man needs a bloidy firm hand.

And of course, apply for occupation and non molestation orders. Andcseek a costs order against him.

I think that's one of the worst things I've read on here. So sorry.

And this is why some women end up hating and distrusting men. Yet still if we express that we get the NAMALT bollox and are told off by other women.

This creature has no love or mercy for his own children and is just a nasty piece of work. I'm so sorry you are going through this, I hope you get the best legal advice. I feel so bad for your children, how frightening and unsettling for them.

What a prize cunt he is.

Regarding the other houses HMRC might be interested, worth tipping them off.

You may not have the energy, but you do now have the upper hand.

Maybe going to court will be the lesser of 2 evils and gets more financial security for you and your kids?

What a vile excuse for a human being he is. So sorry you are going through this OP. I know you must be exhausted by it all but fight to get what is fair for your children. Then hopefully soon neither they nor you will ever have to see him again.