Children Dislike Girlfriend

[suneagle]

My teenage children dislike my girlfriend and I don't know what to do. She doesn't really like them either.

They don't talk to each other when they are together but constantly complain about the other. My girlfriend is jealous of the fact that I spend most of my money on my children and resents the time I spend speaking to them each evening.

My children live with their mother in the week and visit me each weekend.

I like my girlfriend, maybe love. We have very different views on politics and society but we have the same long term objectives (live peacefully by the sea).

Question is should I break up with my girlfriend because my children don't like her and because she resents my children?

"I have to say I am loving the advice and low level aggression on mumsnet"

Why the passive aggression OP? You have had good advice on both threads. Don't be so ungrateful.

It's not normal for adults to be jealous of each other because one of them has a loving and close relationship with their own children. It's not quite the same, but when I was a child, my dad was very jealous of my mum for spending time with me and giving me attention when he wanted to have it all himself. That's not normal and healthy behaviour for an adult. It reeks of insecurity. We all have to do things every day that don't involve paying full attention to our partners all the time. That's also normal. We have a family business and every night my husband has to sit at the computer and pretty much ignore me for about an hour in order to do the invoicing and return emails from the day. That's the life we've chosen together though. I don't take it personally and I don't get upset about it because I'm not insecure. When he's done, we spend time together. Your girlfriend has chosen to be in a relationship with you knowing you have children and you have your daily and weekly routines with your children. She could have chosen to be with someone else. She doesn't get to complain about it now just because you want to speak to your children every night. They come first.

Besides that, I just think it's unlikely your relationship will be happy and successful in the long term if you have very different values and beliefs. My husband and I have the same long term objectives about how we want to retire, what we want to do when it's just the two of us again, etc. But there's no way we'd ever stay together to make it until those days if our values weren't similar. I do know some people who have relationships like this (in the short term, it's only been a few years, who's to say they'll last) and it's caused a lot of frustration and disagreements and ultimately one of them needing to suppress their own beliefs and values to make the other person happy and to keep the peace. I don't think that's a way to live.

Your children should be non negotiable!

You are partly responsible for bringing them into this world, they are part of you and should always be .......if you are a loving responsible parent and want to continue to be one.

When my ex and I split, my stroppy teenage girls were non negotiable when I started a new relationship, they came first! My lovely partner understood and respected that.

Ex husband felt differently and his new partner became first, as did her family. Result, his daughters rarely see or speak to him, he didn't get the honour of giving his daughter away as she felt she had been abandoned in favour of his new family. They felt hurt at the way they have been replaced.

We are still both together with our new partners, but it's me the girls come to, I see them more, I'm the one they ring up and say they love me..........he on the other hand is resented for being an Arse!

It shouldn't matter what nationality your partner is, mine is European. (And a different faith) And it matters not a jot to my family and friends

Why would you want to be with someone that didn't like your children? Get out and find someone that treats your children like they're her own.

SpongeBob. To be fair to the OP he has said thank you to posters in his last post. 🤷🏻‍♀️

After he made a passive-agressive remark....

It's great you want to put your children first, as you should. You should never bring someone into their lives that they are not happy with.

Your girlfriend sounds really unpleasant.

As others have said this has absolutely nothing to do with which country she comes from. There are plenty of racist people who are nasty to children in every country, including the UK.

same long term objectives (live peacefully by the sea)
I think a lot of people want that.
What an odd thing to focus on.