Children Dislike Girlfriend

[suneagle]

My teenage children dislike my girlfriend and I don't know what to do. She doesn't really like them either.

They don't talk to each other when they are together but constantly complain about the other. My girlfriend is jealous of the fact that I spend most of my money on my children and resents the time I spend speaking to them each evening.

My children live with their mother in the week and visit me each weekend.

I like my girlfriend, maybe love. We have very different views on politics and society but we have the same long term objectives (live peacefully by the sea).

Question is should I break up with my girlfriend because my children don't like her and because she resents my children?

Because your marriage was bad doesn't mean you, and most certainly your kids, settle for that second-rate piece of crap (however pretty)

You talk about ticking boxes, there should be one huge box at the very top marked: will she be kind and loving to my children and work hard to support me having the best possible relationship with them and accept that they will come first?

Would you be happy for your children if your ex's new partner felt the way your girlfriend does about your children?

I am an Eastern European

Your girlfriend's behaviour has nothing to do with her origin.
She should make an effort towards your children as an adult. If she doesn't then perhaps she does not care enough about you.

My boyfriend is divorced with 3 children and he always puts his DC first. I see it as his quality (I also need my own time with my DC).

How to break up? Start with a talk...

My best friend from school is Eastern European. She's amazing. The reason I told you to dump your GF yesterday was noting to do with her heritage. More to do with the fact she's a dick. She could be British born and bred and she'd still be a dick.

Racism in any language is still racism.

The Eastern European nationality is not the problem. Resenting money spent on the kids, not liking kids and having different values (homophobia, racism) are major hurdles.

Is she the eye watering shag woman? I'd keep her as fwb while looking to set up beach dreamlife with a proper adult.

I see you took out the bits about her being racist, sexist and homophobic and how it's ok cos she does good sex but your children don't appreciate that....

You don't love this woman. You just want to keep on having sex with her. Your children see people as people and don't like her because she is offensive in many ways. She's not your wank sock and if you keep seeing her you will have to choose between her and your children.

And you are a highly likely to be a pretty shit dad if you really do need to know the answer to 'my gf is good in bed but a really horrible person. Now she is being horrible to my kids and they don't like it, what should I do?'

You don't even like her... apart from the sex, so your kids have literally zero reason to like her.

So the advice has been the same on both threads.

Have you made a decision?

That's nice. Accusing or insinuating that posters are racists.

If you are putting the fact she s a good shag above the fact she hates your kids and vide versa thennyou deserve no one in your life.

Yes, there's a significant enough population of eastern european's in most parts of the uk for people living here to know that being racist, homophobic, sexist, money grabbing and hating children is not 'just how Eastern European people are'. In fact it's pretty offensive for you to suggest it.

Your first post got the replies it did not because of your girlfriend's nationality but because she's a racist and a homophobe.

You're now leaving out all those bits and trying to make her sound at least neutral, and folk will STILL tell you to bin her off because your children come first.

You aren't going to get different answers. Dump her. Your kids have the right idea. Really- there are nicer people out there!!

Yes the decision is made. It was made during a shared holiday but I wanted to protect my children from having any involvement in the pending break up process and so held back.

I posted the question on mumsnet because I wanted to test my thought process.

We (children and me) are on a second holiday now (alone). I will break up when I next see GF

I have to say I am loving the advice and low level aggression on mumsnet

Suneagle , at the top of the Relationship board is a thread called Right, Listen Up Everyone. Perhaps you should have a read through and consider these parameters for you in ascertaining your boundaries and behaviors in a relationship. You seem to be blindly stepping from one bad relationship to another.

If sex is the foundation for your consideration, then the "friends with benefits" framework may work for a while, but that means no emotional attachment or love ( whatever that means in your circumstances). Just a regular fuck, no strings, no future projections. A fwb partner would have no need to ever be around or even be known to your dc (regardless of their ages). Compartmentalize.

It is true that fwb can develop into a more sincere and authentic relationship. But what you know of your girlfriend, she would not be a candidate for that transition. And be clear, you are off limits on weekends- she can decide to take it leave it. (Maybe she will break up with you: result!)

She's a money grabber who resents your children because they may take from the money she gets to walk away with when she leaves you.

I was the child whlAww

"low lvel aggression on mumsnet." How disappointing.

"low level aggression on MN"

No, that would be your very ridable girlfriend.

Perhaps you could tell your chidren you like her because of how she goes in bed and see if that changes their mind ?

Sorry no idea what my phone was doing there! I was a child whose mother had a partners who didfn't like me. My mother effectively chose him over me and this damaged our relationship for many years. Fortunately, she eventually saw sense and ended that relationship.
As a parent, I'm having to pick up the pieces after my EXH has chosen the OW over his own daughters. Kids should always come first!

Thank you all

I don't know how to delete the message thread now that it is up but I know what to do, how to do it etc.

Will come back to mumsnet when I next need a second opinion.

Thank you all once again

Low level aggression

So you can spot that after a couple of hours but can't pick up on an inherent racist, homophobe til they've met your DCs and spent time being vile to them. Intuitive, aren't you?

MorrisZapp - are there really no wild horses? I thought it was a random hobby!!

OP I'm easterneuropian and actually offended by casual racism towards people of my part of the world on the previous thread.Apparently I will become plain by age of 45 ! Thanks ladies of MN!
To counterargument,british children might seem bad mannered and ill behaved to eastern Europeans,brought up to respect older and elderly.
Not defending her but she's from different culture , doesn't live in Britain and probably doesn't realise her outspoken direct manner causing issues (british like to bitch behind people backs but being extra nice in front of them)
OP there is not enough information from nonbritish person perspective to determine if she's a good person or not.
Maybe keep your relationship with her separate from children, for now. And see how you feel

Where's the ops other thread??

Well done for thinking this through and coming to the right decision. Hope the breakup goes as well as these things can.

Enjoy the rest of the holiday with your kids. You are right to put them first. However, if your soon to be ex girlfriend is the type of person you are portraying her as, then I really think it's in your best interests to break her with her for 'you' as well as for your DC. She sounds childish and unpleasant.