Slight red flag??

[DianaMitford]

My lovely sister is in a new relationship after years of being single. However she's now told me that he hadn't wanted her to tell me about him because he "likes the relationship being secret". All my spidey senses were tingling when she told me but is this me overreacting??

Even if he's "innocent" he sounds like a cock
^^

I'm with pudding on this. I'm quite a private person and I really hate the thought of my new relationship being discussed, questioned, or shared with a load of random people on the internet.

I think there is something special about those first few weeks when you can live in a romantic bubble without external judgement, or pressure to spill the beans about how its going, or needing to meet friends and family.

Do you think your sister has poor boundaries and makes bad relationship decisions?

It was the way she said it. Like she'd asked his permission to tell me and he'd said that he wanted to keep it a secret. She looked slightly bemused but was very defensive when I gently questioned her about him.

this stinks to high heaven... she's sounds like she's desperate for any relationship having been single for long.. and she's willing to accept any terms... Not Good OP...

He's married with a family somewhere. Prob 'works' away a lot so can maintain the illusion. Seen it before.

Google his name(add town too), have a look on 192 with his name and address and see who else is listed there. He might just be private,or weird ,or lying his pants off.

Absolutely Google his name, If he has any Facebook friends go through them to see if he appears in any of their posts.
All sounds very suspicious

Massive red flag with bells and lights and a siren going wooo wooo wooo.. for all the reasons already given.
Agree with Dragon warrior.. does your sister have kids?
Has he worked "abroad" for a while?
Check him out check him out and check him out again.. there is something dodgy here.

I'm sure she won't thank you.... but trust your instincts on this...

No there's no children involved.
Ok, I am off to Google him!

Slight red flag??
Nope!
It's a big fat huge one with flashing lights on it and bells too!!
However, there's nothing you can do about it right now other than gather facts about his marriage if you can.
The joys of tinder!

Ellisandra: I know what you mean I was just highlighting sometimes there is a reason people might want to keep things a secret for a while that is innocent. Maybe not in this situation, I hope I am wrong and there is a perfectly innocent explanation.

OP does your sister KNOW why he wants to keep things quiet and just isn't telling you? The later posts where you say they live an hour apart suggest it more likely something more dodgy.

I am keeping things quiet as we live in a very small community and everyone knows everyone.

He's definetly married.

Golden - she's lived abroad for years but now just down the road from me so I can keep an eye.

The google search pulled up lots of details (including photos) and it all corroborates with what he told her....

I'm half tempted to tell you lot his name so you can do your worst!

Maybe you should speak to your sister again, to find out how much she knows about the reasons for secrecy, before exposing a potentially innocent man to countless strangers on the internet? Even if he is married, it is hardly what his wife or children would like to happen, having their dirty laundry aired so publicly.

Text - it was quite tongue in cheek. "Half-tempted" .....

*clearly tongue in cheek

Glad to hear it. I had visions of mass hysteria building into something ill-advised. Happy to be told otherwise.

I'll apologise now OP.. I was definitely expecting the worst...

The only legitimate justification I could see for this would be if they worked together, it was a new relationship and they didn't want co-workers finding out before things became established.

Otherwise, he's married.

They met through Tinder. No mutual friends at all.

Gently tell her secret relationships are shit. Been there, done that. No other woman, it was someone I knew well. But there is never a good reason for keeping a relationship secret and it will only end in tears (for her). It's horrible, if a guy wants to be with you he will be proud to be with you.

totes married.

is he still active on Tinder? Other sites? Not 'exclusive" yet?

I never go public with new relationships.

Fear ill end up looking stupid i think.