Hi
These are past threads about what has been happening to me:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2856567-What-would-you-assume-if-your-husband-wife-partner-hadnt-spoken-to-you-properly-since-October-and-before-that-hadnt-shown-you-any-affection-for-years
And:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2975797-Why-is-my-husband-ignoring-me-when-I-say-that-I-want-to-separate-and-get-divorced
The upshot of all of this is that H has known that I want to get divorced for two months now. We are estranged but living in the same house in silence. He used to do the not talking to me for weeks at a time thing after massively overreacting to incidents or things that I said. I used to, after weeks of living in anxiety, send him an email asking him to speak, he would then start talking again but the argument would never be discussed. After the last incident last October, I detached. It was really hard at first but I am in a much better place now in that I no longer have constant butterflies in my stomach. I feel really sad about losing the good things about H, and about our family being forced to separate though.
Just over two months ago I sent H a long email saying about our needing to separate. He basically laughed sarcastically and told me to “carry on”. He said that another time as well and when I said that there was nothing else I could do, he told me to “grow up”. I then sent him another email reiterating the same. Both emails mentioned mediation, the second one also that I would be happy to try to work on the relationship if he wanted to (we went to counselling about 5 years ago but he stopped coming after about 5 sessions). He has ignored all of this. I then went to see a solicitor who sent him an email saying that the marriage is over and suggesting mediation. He ignored that. About a week after that she sent him another one reminding him of the first – he ignored that. We have now drafted my divorce petition and about 10 days ago she sent him a draft copy of that asking him if he wanted to make any changes and suggesting he engage a solicitor. Also stressing that I am up for a non-confrontational and sensible approach to things. Nothing from H.
SO
She is now going to file the petition and send him an email saying that that is what is happening. At this point I am quite scared. I think that H is very good at burying his head in the sand until things come right up to him, and this will now start to press his buttons. It is made worse by the fact that I am probably also going to make an application for a financial order, as, based on the H’s above ignoring of everything, the solicitor thinks it is safest. Also due to the fact that H has in the past hidden a property for almost a year, and that he now has two properties on the market, one of which I think is about to complete. In fact one of her emails asked him to put the proceeds of any sales into a joint account or with a solicitor pending the divorce outcome. I think it is this which has made him really hurry along the completion, and of course he has no intention of doing what she said. She thinks that the court will waive the necessity for mediation due to the urgent nature of the situation in terms of his possibly spending the money from the sale on we don’t know what.
So that’s the basic situation – that he will soon be served (by post in the first instance) with a divorce petition, and shortly after, also with a financial order.
[FAINTS]
Is this the right thing to do? Not least because my financial future might now be decided by a judge who might leave me with very little? The solicitor says that most people settle before the final hearing, but might my H be one of the mad few who go to the bitter end? What am I letting myself in for?
I am too scared to talk about any of this to H at home as things are only (kind of) functioning because there aren’t massive shouting sessions between us, and though I hate the silent atmosphere for the kids’ sake, it is better than an all out war. He will also destroy me emotionally with a few words, and I need to hang on to any strength that I have. I am sure that he will also have such a hugely different idea to me of what is “fair” and to be honest I don’t want to go there.
The other thing which is bothering me is that, ever since my solicitor sent H her first email, he has ceased the shouting he used to do. One of the reasons I have wanted to separate is H’s cyclically short tempered and critical nature – the walking on eggshells (especially at weekends). That has kind of stopped in my regard though. Either because of the email from the solicitor, or because I am now DEAD to him. (The other reasons for the divorce are to do with his complete lack of affection for me, and the fact that he is in financial control – only his name on the family property, a secret property in the past, the current two properties for sale not mentioned to me (though he would argue that we have been estranged so why would he), discussing prospective family cars only with the kids, no joint plans for the future, my feeling insecure…..) So I am now seeing him being an affectionate Dad (he sometimes gets angry/unreasonable with them, but generally he is lovely), working hard and trying to live his life (all the while ignoring me). And I know that he will pretend that any divorce is all my fault. I also wonder why I want to divorce someone who does have good things about them: works hard, loves the kids, is trying to cope with daily life.
Am I right to want to separate?
Is the financial order a bad idea?
Having to maintain this strong and frosty exterior to get through all of this, I am starting to feel like a horrible person.
I am starting to feel that I should give up this "nonsense" and get on with trying to get a better job (something I want to do) and looking after my family. It's difficult because H doesn't say anything so I have no idea what he wants or what he is planning. I do know that he tends to deal with difficult things only when absolutely forced to though. I heard him telling someone on the phone that if he thought about something now he would "drown". I don't know if he was talking about the situation between us. He will take is as a legal and financial assault on him, not as a long suffered relationship breakdown 
.
What do I do?